Since I have been in college, I have already experienced a ton of stress, anxiety, and even at times, depression. I easily freak out every semester that I am not going to get the grades I need, and I'm not going to get the job I need out of college, and I'm just going to be a bum who lives with my parents forever.
Of course, everything always turns out just fine at the end of the semester, but I realized towards the end of my freshman year, when a dumb, irrelevant boy broke my heart, that I didn't need the stress of dating and relationships to put on top of my many overwhelming emotions that university had already caused me.
I've been in a long-term relationship before. He was controlling and verbally abusive. We fought every day over all of the little things he got mad about. While I always made excuses for him, my heart always hurt. Thankfully this taught me the signs of an abusive and insecure person. I've learned to refuse to put up with that type of behavior. At the same time, I've also become accustomed to being at peace emotionally. I never want my heart to hurt like that again.
Having my heart broken that second time reminded me how badly a simple break up could hurt, especially when you cared but they didn't. I know that we risk heartache every time that we put ourselves in the dating world, but I can't put myself in that position right now. I have so much going on, I work a job, have an internship, and of course, have to deal with my college courses. Having peace in my heart, aside from the stress of college, feels a lot better than picking up the pieces of my heart.
Since then, I have come to realize that I can't bring myself to commit to a person anyways. Commitment isn't something we can do when we don't know what the future holds. I don't know where I will be in the next five years, but I know that I won't be living where I am now. I want to continue chasing my dreams and go wherever those dreams take me. I never want to compromise my dreams for a relationship.
Now that I'm not dating, I have also been able to focus on myself. I have been able to better myself as a person. You can never truly love someone and be secure in a relationship until you learn to love yourself first. I don't think that I would be the person that I am today had I not taken the time to focus on myself first. And at the same thing, it is one less thing I have to worry about right now.
I don't necessarily think that everyone shouldn't date in college, but I do believe that this is a time in our lives where we are figuring out who we are as a person. Taking some time to not worry about boys or girls and just worry about yourself can help you grow as a person and help you figure out who you are and who you want to be in this world. Once you can figure out who you are, you can then figure out the kind of person you want to be with for the rest of your life.