I think for a lot of people when they get into their first relationship they have an idealized picture of what it is like. That this person is who they are they are going to be with. I have realized a lot about myself and about how bad my first relationship was after being out of it.

To start I had never gone on a date before college so I think a big issue was that I was super flattered someone liked me like that. That he was probably the only one who liked me. Come to find out there are a lot of fish in the sea, not just him. I don't need to settle for anyone.

There were a lot of things wrong in my first relationship. For one we did not have good communication. It started out with him putting in a lot effort but then it dwindled and it seemed like I had to twist his arm to talk to him through texts even. This was normally the cause of all of our fights but I stupidly believed that when he said he would fix it he would. Update he didn't.

The other was that the effort left him. I always had to be the one to set up things to do, where we would meet, driving us and working around his schedule. It was extremely frustrating especially when he would say classes and homework made him busy. I had work to do too but I still found time for him. I didn't want to see you every day, I just wanted to know that you cared, which I did not for the last three months.

There was also the fact that emotionally I don't think he knew how to deal with things. If I got upset and would try to seek comfort and tell him, he would ignore me. I would say, "I am having a breakdown" and he would text me back, "I'm sorry." Yeah, like sorry was going to help. It wasn't like this was an everyday thing and I went out and would do things to make him feel better when he had a bad day. I would proofread papers, drive out to give him food, pick him up and take him out and always encourage him.

It was extremely frustrating to feel like I was not getting that same commitment back.

I am madder at myself though for not being the one to end it. He did it and he hinted at it through a text. He wanted to drive out to break up with me first thing New Year's Eve. Yeah, that led to a quick you can call me if that's why you're coming over. Also NO, I do not want to be your friend. I am done with you. To be honest it's weird to me to be friends with an ex. I would hate it if my new beau was friends with his ex. So no, I don't want to get lunch.

Mostly I realized this when my current boyfriend treated me so different. He contacts me and wants to be involved. When I was talking to my friends and starting to realize there are a lot better guys out there. So goodbye, so long, because I am done with you. I will NOT be making the same mistakes as my first relationship.