Yes, I Am The 'Relationship Type,' But That Doesn't Mean I Can't Handle Being Alone

Yes, I Am The 'Relationship Type,' But That Doesn't Mean I Can't Handle Being Alone

I could be single if I wanted to.
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Since I was about 12 years old I have been dating.

This sounds crazy, I know. I began my dating endeavors when I was 12 years old and dated that same person until I was 18 and in college.

Then, when I got to college I was enamored by my best friend and actively tried to pursue a relationship with him for about six months until it inevitably failed.

Now, I am in a new relationship that is bright and very loving.

However, I have come to realize through my few relationships that I could be considered a "serial monogamist."

I am constantly dating or in an exclusive relationship. Don't get me wrong, the only relationships worth mentioning have already been stated above, which is not that many, but it has come to my attention that I have been seeing someone more often than not since I was 12.

Yikes.

I know what you're thinking; the same things I always think when I see people who are constantly dating.

"They must be afraid of being alone."

"They must be insecure."

"They need to focus on themselves for once."

I get it. I have seen it. But I don't think I fit in that quota.

Although I have been in long-term relationships for most of my adolescence and adult life, I do not believe in the slightest that I need to be with someone.

I’m just the commitment type.

I’m not ashamed of it. I don't have a fear of being alone. I don’t feel vulnerable, and I don’t consider myself to be needy or clingy.

I don’t need the comfort or security of a relationship, but I want it. I have the ability to uphold a relationship while still finding myself.

These days the dating scene is depressing. Everyone just wants casual sex or thinks they deserve praise for being single.

Everyone thinks they are too good for a relationship because they don't need anybody, and they are so empowered by their single lifestyle and having "freedom."

Now, being single isn't a bad thing as long as you're happy. Just like it's not a bad thing to choose to be in a relationship (as long as you're in it for the right reasons.)

I do believe I have only chosen to date people for the right reasons.

I did not choose to date any of these guys just because it was easy meeting new people in college. I did not choose to be in a relationship so I could get stuff out of dating them.

I did not choose to date people because they showed the slightest amount of interest in me. I did not choose to continue to date people just because I was with them for a long period of time.

Those would be the wrong reasons to date.

For me, there is a lot to be said about being the “relationship type.”

I have learned valuable lessons about myself and what I want in a partner from each of my relationships and friendships I have had.

Throughout these relationships, I have always told myself I do not need a boyfriend, but I am lucky to have one.

A common misconception about being in a long-term relationship or being a notorious dater is that I don’t know myself.

However, I believe all my relationships have been mature and had the right amount of freedom to help both parties grow.

While in relationships I still have learned how I like to spend my time alone.

I have still been able to get to know myself.

Over the years I have discovered that the best part of my days is jamming out in the car alone. I have learned that doing art alone in my room is when I feel the most comfortable in my own skin.

I have learned that reality shows are just a thing for my friends and I, not for my boyfriends and I. I have learned that I will probably never get the courage to dance as crazy as I do alone in my underwear.

I have learned that I am moody. I can get hangry. I am opinionated.

That is OK though.

So, yes, I am a notorious girlfriend. But that is not all I am.

I am so much more.

From the few times I have been alone and while I have been in relationships I have found within myself, and not with the help of a partner, what I want to do with my life and what kind of person I am becoming.

You can discover yourself in a relationship.

You can be comfortable being alone, even if you are labeled as “taken.”

I am me. I am comfortable being me in a relationship or if I was single.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

I'm 19-Years-Old And The Last One Of My Friends To Get That 'First Kiss'

If there was a race to get a first kiss, I am in last place.

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It's a matter of days before I turn 19 and surprise—I'm the last of my friends to receive her first kiss. In every friend group, everyone seems to know who was the first to get hers (and the scandalous story surrounding it). Everyone also seems to know who the last girl standing is (or for those of mine who don't, it's me).

Since people seem to hold a boatload of assumptions about a 19-year-old who has never been kissed, here are the truths about the last of her friends waiting for that special moment.

First of all, I'm waiting because I don't want to waste the moment.

As in, I want to know the person, I want to trust the person, and I want some sort of established connection with the person (even if it doesn't have the "relationship" label). I would be severely disappointed with myself if I kissed someone on a Friday night who's name might've been Scott or Sean or something and maybe had curly hair and could walk past me the next morning but I would have no clue who he was.

My personality also doesn't help when it comes to boys.

I was terrified to even talk to boys until probably my sophomore or junior year of high school, so it's not surprising that I'm a little bit behind. And even if I'm not "terrified" of boys anymore, it doesn't mean that I'm automatically confident enough to handle myself easily in front of them. I've been taking my time with boys all my life, so I can understand why I'm taking so long.

I don't hate physical contact but I'm not very good at it.

I'm not the one who will initiate even a hug. If you don't initiate anything, I will not touch you. If you do initiate and I'm still not comfortable, I still will not touch you. However, my apprehension is often mistaken for me hating physical contact and not wanting anyone to touch me ever. It's very difficult to distinguish between hating physical contact and being scared to initiate it, but I'm telling you now it's the latter, I promise you.

No, I'm not asexual.

I've liked boys for a very long time but that doesn't mean that I will suddenly start making out with all the boys I like (props to anyone who is bold enough to do that). Also, I'm one who is more likely to bottle up these feelings and is less likely to do anything about it. I know I'm not helping myself if I keep everything hidden, but I reassure myself that if it is meant to happen, it will happen and I won't need to force anything.

Sometimes, it can be sucky to feel like I'm "last."

I would be lying if I said I never felt like I am inferior because everyone has been kissed except for me. I am super proud of my friends who are in healthy relationships and I hope they know that I am wholeheartedly rooting for them. However, feeling like everyone else has had an experience that I'm missing can be tough and I do grow impatient. It's never great to feel like you're "last" but hey, this is not a race and there is no medal for being the first.

But most importantly, it doesn't define me.

Listen to me carefully: nobody thinks of me as "the one friend who has never been kissed." I have other qualities too so, truthfully, it doesn't feel that much different to be the one friend who hasn't been kissed. As long as I don't dwell on this reality and realize that one day it'll happen, it doesn't necessarily "feel like" anything to be last. So as advice to anyone else who might be the last woman standing: embrace it, know your time will come, and focus on all the other traits that define you. The timing of a kiss doesn't need to be one of them.

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