Yes, I Am The 'Relationship Type,' But That Doesn't Mean I Can't Handle Being Alone

Yes, I Am The 'Relationship Type,' But That Doesn't Mean I Can't Handle Being Alone

I could be single if I wanted to.
6476
views

Since I was about 12 years old I have been dating.

This sounds crazy, I know. I began my dating endeavors when I was 12 years old and dated that same person until I was 18 and in college.

Then, when I got to college I was enamored by my best friend and actively tried to pursue a relationship with him for about six months until it inevitably failed.

Now, I am in a new relationship that is bright and very loving.

However, I have come to realize through my few relationships that I could be considered a "serial monogamist."

I am constantly dating or in an exclusive relationship. Don't get me wrong, the only relationships worth mentioning have already been stated above, which is not that many, but it has come to my attention that I have been seeing someone more often than not since I was 12.

Yikes.

I know what you're thinking; the same things I always think when I see people who are constantly dating.

"They must be afraid of being alone."

"They must be insecure."

"They need to focus on themselves for once."

I get it. I have seen it. But I don't think I fit in that quota.

Although I have been in long-term relationships for most of my adolescence and adult life, I do not believe in the slightest that I need to be with someone.

I’m just the commitment type.

I’m not ashamed of it. I don't have a fear of being alone. I don’t feel vulnerable, and I don’t consider myself to be needy or clingy.

I don’t need the comfort or security of a relationship, but I want it. I have the ability to uphold a relationship while still finding myself.

These days the dating scene is depressing. Everyone just wants casual sex or thinks they deserve praise for being single.

Everyone thinks they are too good for a relationship because they don't need anybody, and they are so empowered by their single lifestyle and having "freedom."

Now, being single isn't a bad thing as long as you're happy. Just like it's not a bad thing to choose to be in a relationship (as long as you're in it for the right reasons.)

I do believe I have only chosen to date people for the right reasons.

I did not choose to date any of these guys just because it was easy meeting new people in college. I did not choose to be in a relationship so I could get stuff out of dating them.

I did not choose to date people because they showed the slightest amount of interest in me. I did not choose to continue to date people just because I was with them for a long period of time.

Those would be the wrong reasons to date.

For me, there is a lot to be said about being the “relationship type.”

I have learned valuable lessons about myself and what I want in a partner from each of my relationships and friendships I have had.

Throughout these relationships, I have always told myself I do not need a boyfriend, but I am lucky to have one.

A common misconception about being in a long-term relationship or being a notorious dater is that I don’t know myself.

However, I believe all my relationships have been mature and had the right amount of freedom to help both parties grow.

While in relationships I still have learned how I like to spend my time alone.

I have still been able to get to know myself.

Over the years I have discovered that the best part of my days is jamming out in the car alone. I have learned that doing art alone in my room is when I feel the most comfortable in my own skin.

I have learned that reality shows are just a thing for my friends and I, not for my boyfriends and I. I have learned that I will probably never get the courage to dance as crazy as I do alone in my underwear.

I have learned that I am moody. I can get hangry. I am opinionated.

That is OK though.

So, yes, I am a notorious girlfriend. But that is not all I am.

I am so much more.

From the few times I have been alone and while I have been in relationships I have found within myself, and not with the help of a partner, what I want to do with my life and what kind of person I am becoming.

You can discover yourself in a relationship.

You can be comfortable being alone, even if you are labeled as “taken.”

I am me. I am comfortable being me in a relationship or if I was single.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

5 Questions To Ask Yourself When You're On The Fence With A Guy

Is he worth it?

802
views

Whether you're contemplating if you want to continue your fling with a guy or contemplating breaking up with your boyfriend, there are always questions we're asking ourselves. Ranging from "is this right of me?" to "is this what will make me happy?" But if you are really sitting on the fence and don't know what to do next, check out these five questions you need to ask yourself if you're torn on what to do.

1. Do I want long term or short term?

This is a huge question to ask. If you're looking to settle down for a while, your guy may not want that. And it could always be the other way around as well. Make sure to decipher this with him so you both know what you want and no one gets a broken heart.

2. Can I see myself marrying this person?

I know this is a bold question to ask, especially if you're not dating. But really thinking about if you can see yourself with them for a long time can make it or break it. But say you're dating and you're on the fence of deciding you want to break up with them or not, think about if you can see yourself saying "I do" to them, and if you can't, let him go.

3. Can I see myself living with them/how do they live?

I've seen many people get engaged and move in together and later call it quits due to the way their partner lived. If you've been getting to know your guy for a while now and notices he lives like a pig, you may have to wonder if you'd be cleaning up those messes in the future.

4. How do they make me feel?

This question in a no brainer. If they make you feel bad, why even question continuing into the relationship.

5. Are they worth it?

Is he worth it? I know I have had some experiences when I was on the fence with a couple of guys and I've had to ask myself the same question. And when I'd question if he was worth it or not, my gut feeling always came out right. If you're looking to keep him around, always ask yourself if he's worth it.

OMG, check these out

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Girls, You NEED To Understand That Fuckboy Texting You ‘wyd’ 24/7 Will Never Give You A 24 Karat Ring

I finally managed to crack the code as to why your casual hookup will never try to make you his wife.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong
167
views

There are five unofficial steps of hookup culture: Find a guy. Get to know him a little bit, but not too much (because you have to keep "boundaries," remember?) Make a pact to keep things "casual" and promise to still be "friends" with each other. Then, hookup with him. And keep hooking up with him without any emotional attachment — just over and over again and never expect anything more.

From a birds eye view, hookup culture seems so harmless. I mean, what's more convenient than having a booty call at your doorstep with the swipe of a screen? When you want to hook up, all you have to do is shoot that 2 a.m. "U Up?" text.

Hell, I even wrote a whole article about the perfect FWB situation.

Yet suddenly—here I am, Elle Hong, resident "Uncuffed" writer on Swoon and self proclaimed fuckgirl who glorifies hookup culture above anything else, catching feelings and falling for the wrong guys just like any other girl out in the world.

Consider this blasphemy. Or maybe I'm just dying to make a confession.

A confession that I, too, have experienced the feeling of wondering why I was never enough for the guys I hooked up with. Why they never chose me over the girls they would eventually form serious relationships with and why to them I only was nothing more than a casual hookup.

So, I thought about it. I critically analyzed it. I "Aristotle-d" my way into trying to find an answer behind the impossible question of wondering why I was never considered to be anything more. Over the past few weeks, it essentially became my new research topic and now, I finally managed to crack the code as to why your casual hookup will never try to make you into wifey material. Here's why.

First and foremost: Guys usually (but not always) choose to hookup with girls who they don't see as anything more.

Now, keep in mind I'm not saying that guys will NEVER fall in love with the girls they hookup with because it can happen. It's life. Life is unpredictable. No doubt, people have fallen in love on Tinder and married a random match who just happened to become The One. But we all know what Tinder is really for. Generally speaking, guys will seek random hookups with the types of girls they think are "easy" and if they're desperate enough, it's definitely not going to be someone they view as their future wife.

If he thinks you're cute, you're within 10 miles radius and you can hold a conversation, it doesn't matter what your annual salary is or how many siblings you got—he wants one thing and it's to get you in bed. And until a guys find this girl who captures his heart and inevitably makes him want to settle, he's going to go around hooking up with random girls left and right. So in this case, it's not your fault. You're just with the wrong type of guy who only thinks of you as his sexual conquest.

See also: Guys want to settle with girls that don't go around hooking up with other people.

Ironic as hell because I just talked about why guys would never want to settle, period. But think about it—guys are humans with rational thoughts and animalistic desires. When they find their territory, they mark it. Once he finds a girl who is the one, he never wants to let her go. And he never wants to see that girl be with another guy or god forbid, go around hooking up with other guys. So here's the moral of the story to get my point across: I hate to break it to you, but bragging about how many other guys you're f*cking outside of your current FWB situationship isn't going to help develop the relationship any further.

Finally: A girl's "hoe phase" might seem empowering but for guys they see it as a threat.

Thanks to the wonderful millennial encyclopedia that we call Urban Dictionary, we have a definition behind this certain life style: A phase in life which occurs when a girl goes around social settings exploring herself, committing promiscuous acts and connecting with random people. For girls, it seems pretty damn empowering, doesn't it? For us it's a chance to let loose, to live a lil bit more and to run around as independent women. Nothing wrong with that of course.

But for guys to perceive this type of lifestyle, they see it as a threat which could arise if they form a relationship with you. It's simple logic here. A girl who's in her "hoe phase" is more likely to be unfaithful since they're always out and about with this person and that person. Put it this way: a guy doesn't care if you're a hoe—but he only wants you to be HIS hoe and not everyone else's. So you might think that it's a great way to express yourself and to enjoy your college years, but keep in mind that it could possibly be holding you back from taking the next step with your casual FWB.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

OMG, check these out

Facebook Comments