My fellow men, the year 2018 is upon us, and with, it a new trend. Respecting women. This is not to say we have not been respecting women before, but instead a renewed effort in treating women with the equal respect and dignity they are both entitled to and deserve.
As someone who has a decent amount of close females friends, I often hear about their struggles and encounters with other men and some of the things that I both see and that they tell me. Some of those things are more fitting in an episode of "Entourage" or more reflective of 'Oughts culture than the more modern decade in which we are currently in. Some ideas about women have sadly carried over from that decade, but now we see how toxic and harmful they really are.
It's time we take a step in the forward direction of progress and eliminate these ideas and practices from our modern dating culture. Not only for the improvement and betterment of women's lives but for the betterment of our relationships and own lives as well.
After talking to many of my female friends and being their defacto therapist for years, I have compiled a list of seven ideas and actions that men can have or perform that address the root causes of much needless anxiety and emotional pain women often experience.
1. Be clear about what you want.
Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. An old adage that many people hear but few actually listen too. In terms of being clear about what you want in modern dating, this means to say upfront what you are looking for during the first interaction so you can make sure the person you are pursuing shares that same goal.
Too often guys are purposely vague about what they want so the girl will infer the guy's goal to be the same as hers, which is often untrue. The most common case, however, is the girl stating that she wants a relationship and the guy telling her he wants the same, even though his true intentions are to smash and dash.
Not only does it show little respect for the woman's time but also shows little respect for her and her wishes. She told the guy what she wanted and he lied to her face, saying that he too wanted a relationship, just so he could use that idea of a relationship to manipulate her into fucking him. It is coercion.
When you're getting a girl to do something she initially didn't want to by feeding her lies in order in order for you to get what you want, which is to fuck her, not only destroys her trust in you but creates trust issues later on and makes females feel violated, manipulated and gross afterward. Do you want to know why a lot of girls these days are really clingy? It's because they have trust issues from being fucked over multiple times in situations like the one described above.
So stop being crusty as fuck and do your present and future self a favor by being a decent person to those in which you are pursuing romantic relations with. Because not only will look like a good person, but she will also introduce you to her other friends who you might have a shot with later on if you aren't a piece of shit to the current girl. It's hard to fuck her hot friends afterward if they all think your an asshole.
2. If hooking up, respect those boundaries.
This one is pretty straightforward, if you are a guy hooking up with a female, it's just that, a hookup. You are not their new boyfriend or some shit. You are the entertainment for that night. Nothing more, nothing less.
In this particular situation, after you both have come and its over, you can then leave her place, or if it's at yours, sleep on the other side of the bed. Y'all aren't dating so save cuddling for another time. All it does is blur the lines and honestly, chances are she doesn't want you to cuddle with her anyway. They are there to fuck and that's it so stop trying to make it something more than it is.
She's not into you just because your penis was in her. Suck up your pride, calm down ur ego and realize that in a hookup, you are each other's sex fix and stop trying to make it something its not.
3. Don't ask girls on dates if you don't plan on following through.
This has by far been one of the most common issues I hear complaints about. It seems like a pretty obvious concept yet it still persists as a large issue because it's part of a "game" that some guys try to play.
Now we are all busy, it's understandable if you set a date and can't make it because something came up last minute and you reschedule, but now that idea is being manipulated and used in a perpetual loop of setting a date and then canceling, that serves as a component in the "game," which is used to manipulate women into sleeping with the guy who is orchestrating it.
This ties back in with idea one about being upfront about what you want. Guys will use the date as an action to show that they are serious about being in a relationship and get the girl more drawn into the web of lies. The date will never actually happen but it's being used as part of the "bait" package that the guy is using to show her he is serious about a relationship, so she feels comfortable having sex with him. It's super shitty and only goes to further deepen the trust issues a girl has and each time you make a plan and cancel it.
After the first time, you erode the trust of that person and essentially are screwing yourself over because as a guy there will be a point in which you eventually lose her trust completely and game over. Or she can call your bluff, and if you want to try and continue moving forward, you are now stuck paying for a meal, only to further a lie.
4. Don't try and act like you are over your ex if you aren't.
Breakups. We all go through them and each have different ways of getting through them. Personally, for some people, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. I'm not talking about rebound hookup's however though, what I mean by "Don't try and act like you are over your ex if you aren't" is to not get into a new relationship until you are over the old one.
When you are in a relationship but not over your ex, it is almost like lying to the other person because here they are giving you themselves but you not being able to reciprocate because you still have feelings for someone else. Once girls find out they feel less than and that they lack something. They think "What does that girl have that I don't" and you actually end up hurting someone you really care about because undoubtedly you care about the person in the new relationship, but its fucked up for them to be giving themselves to you and you being unable to reciprocate.
Save them the heartbreak and pain and be upfront. If y'all get along really well you can be friends but don't drag someone into your emotional mess just because you want it to look like you are over your ex to everyone else, or make your ex-girlfriend jealous. You are hurting that person in the process.
5. Don't expect sex.
Pretty simple concept right? Yeah me too except some of Y'all still don't fucking get it. You are not entitled to anything. No one owes you shit. Just because you buy a girl some drinks or dinner or something does not mean they owe you something. You are not purchasing them, they are not prostitutes, they are just normal girls who you are being nice to, in the hopes that you might win their favor. There is no quid-pro-quo.
By expecting something, you are setting up one-sided ideas of what is going to happen without even consulting the girl on what she had in mind and even if her expectations lined up with yours. The key is to expect nothing so you are just focused on having a good time, and when you are having a good time you naturally attract other people.
Expecting sex when talking to a girl only makes it awkward and disappoints you when you inevitably find out she doesn't want to fuck you.
6. Stop pushing. No means no.
Clearly, this one doesn't need an explanation either right?! People totally understand this concept and implement it in their daily life. Well, I wish I could tell you yes, but then I wouldn't be writing about it. When a girl says no, it means no, not "maybe", not "kinda", not "possibly" but "no, this is not happening now or in the future."
A girl saying no does not mean she is playing hard to get, it means she is asserting herself and what she wants, which is for you to go away. While wearing down a girl until she says yes might work in movies and in the 19th century, we are in neither and it isn't cute to pursue a girl who isn't into you, it's creepy and weird. For example, if you ask a girl if you can buy her a drink and she says no it does not mean she wants to you change her mind, or she's playing hard to get or she is shy. It means she is not interested and you need to go away.
It's a simple concept that seems to deceive a decent amount of guys.
If you ask a girl to dance and she says no, do not continue trying to dance with her. She said no, go away. When a girl tells you no but you continue anyway it is not only disrespectful but shows a complete lack of consideration for them as a person. They know what they want, you are not going to convince them differently.
Women are caple of independent thought. "What is she is trying to play hard to get?" Well first she's feeding into the toxic "game" that some people engage in but, if she is interested and you walk away because she says no, she will either re-engage you or not, and that is fine because there are plenty of other girls out there who choose to operate in a more mature way and its 2018, no one had time to waste on games.
7. Take a hint.
This ties into number six very well because the concept is very similar, if a girl expresses disinterest, back away, do not continue to engage. While no means no addresses when a female says no but a guy keeps pressing anyways, by taking a hint I am referring to recognizing signs that a girl isn't interested.
Now, this is tricky and will take some effort because they aren't expressly saying no but that doesn't mean they aren't showing it or saying it in a roundabout way. This can be for many reasons: a girl is shy and doesn't know how to comfortably directly say no, a girl is afraid of saying no because she might get labeled as "being a bitch" or maybe she just doesn't feel comfortable saying no because of how the guy might react.
It doesn't take a master in psychology, however, to understand these hints when women give them, many are quite obvious. If you move in closer to a girl and she backs away or seems uncomfortable, take that as a hint and move on. If are talking to a girl and she is giving off body language that she is uncomfortable or keeps looking around while you are talking, like she is looking for an escape route, take a hint and leave.
If you are talking to a girl and she seems disinterested in a conversation or you are trying to engage her and she isn't responding well, take a hint and leave. It isn't hard to notice when someone is disinterested if the conversation isn't flowing naturally or seems like you are having to steer the entire conversation, she isn't into it and you can take that hint and leave. Or she could just be boring but you don't want that either.
The moral of the story and point of this article is just stop being a scumbag when it comes to women. If you aren't and follow these already then perfect you aren't part of the problem, but if you find yourself participating in some of the bad actions or possessing some of the bad ideas, then work to change them because they are only hurting you, both in the short term and in the long term.
Also, I'm sure you are tired of hearing your female friend complain about these same exact things so do yourself a favor and become the change you want to see. Because you won't only improve your life but the lives of many others. Then we can make the year of 2018 truly about respecting women because we are equal and they deserve the exact same amount of respect we give to other guys.