No, Becky, You Can't Know You Want A 'Ring By Spring,' Your Head Isn't Even Fully Developed

No, Becky, You Can't Know You Want A 'Ring By Spring,' Your Head Isn't Even Fully Developed

Love is something to be cherished and marriage is not something to be rushed.

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I want to preface this by saying that I do not hate love. I do not hate seeing people in love and I do not hate the concept of love in general. Quite the opposite, actually... I love love.

I have been with my boyfriend for over two and a half years and I love him a lot. When I picture myself in the future five years from now, I can picture us still together.

Like many other girls, I fantasize about my wedding and the dress and the ring and the food and the ceremony...

With that being said, I am not planning on getting engaged anytime soon.

I had not heard the term "ring by spring" until this year, but apparently, it is a popular thing. People want to be engaged before they graduate from college.

Yes, let me say that again — before they graduate from college.

Also known as before they have a stable income, before they have had experience in the real world, before they have their own house, before they need to pay their own bills...

Where is the money coming from to pay for the engagement ring? Where is the money coming from to pay for the wedding? Where do you have time to plan a wedding while also finishing up your degree?

This seems like a great idea.

The human brain is not fully developed until at least the age of 25 (yes, this statistic gets thrown around a lot, but it is also very true. I learned the details about it in both my endocrinology and my psychology classes). The part that is still developing is called the prefrontal cortex (i.e. the part controlling impulsive decision-making as well as planning in general).

So, what is the rush to get married before then?

When individuals get engaged in college, it seems to be a way to "legitimize" their relationship.

Can you tell me this, who exactly decided that your relationship is not real until you put a ring on it?

Who decided that those feelings of love and loyalty and passion and honesty are not truly real until there is a ring on your finger?

I decided to expedite my college career, I earned my Bachelor of Science in three years and am working on my Master of Business Administration during my fourth year. After this year, I am hoping to attend a veterinary school which will be another four years. After that, I will get a job and begin to earn my own income so I can actually support myself.

After that, I will be ready to get married.

When I get married, I hope that it will be forever. And, well, the fact of the matter is, divorce rates increase if you are under the age of 25. Research from the University of Utah actually shows that the best ages to get married are between the ages of 28 and 32.

My parents dated for a few years, broke up for a few years, and then ended up getting back together thanks to fate. They always tell me that if they got married the first time they were together, they would no doubt be divorced. They said they both grew so much during their early 20s that it totally changed them and their relationship.

Marriage is not something that needs to be rushed — it is not some sort of prize to reach the quickest. You and your significant other deserve to experience life together (I mean real life together, outside of college) before you decide to spend the rest of your lives with each other.

Get engaged for the right reasons. Do not get engaged because it "seems cool" or because your other friends are getting engaged or because you think that will prevent your relationship from ever breaking up.

When you get engaged, do it because you are in love and are ready to build a life together and to support each other.

If you know in your heart of hearts that your relationship is ready for marriage, then go for it. But, do not get engaged before you are truly ready just to fit some trend like "ring by spring" or to adhere to some social pressure to get married by age X, buy a house by age Y, and have kids by age Z.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

7 Essential Details To Remember When Planning YOUR Wedding

Because after all, it is YOUR damn day.

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Recently I've been really struggling to figure out what to do for my wedding. This isn't because I don't know what I want, but because deciding anything ultimately effects someone. I decide I want to do it this year but this year doesn't work for Denise, so I could do it the year after, but Susie Q is going back to school and that conflicts with her schedule.

I could do a small, simple wedding, but my Grandma always wanted me to get married in a Church. Oh, what about a destination wedding? Well, that would work for a lot of people, but not Tiffany-she can't afford it…Becky has other obligations the only week my favorite resort is open in my dream year of getting married. Maybe a courthouse wedding? Yeah, I could do that…but my dad always dreamed of walking me down the aisle.

You see ladies-I'm freaking exhausted.

I'm exhausted trying to plan the wedding that EVERYONE ELSE BUT MYSELF wants me to have. I'm tired of having to justify why I want something to someone else. I'm tired of having to reason with people. I'm tired of feeling bad for not accommodating others.

I'm just mentally and physically exhausted planning my own wedding-something I really wanted to enjoy.

In times of frustration, I've scribbled down a few reminders to mutter to myself when things get a little chaotic. It's important in some way or another-we embed these thoughts into our minds because honestly? We deserve to be reminded, even if it's us doing the reminding.

1. THIS IS YOUR DAMN DAY!

It's weird we even have to tell ourselves this right? I mean we are the ones shelling out thousands, spending late nights planning centerpieces, and trying to find the perfect photographer. Sadly, yes, we have to remind ourselves because of a lot of people that know you close to you or not-will try to make it about them. ---It's your day. It's your day. It's your day.

2. Not everyone is going to be pleased with your decisions.

I'm a people pleaser. I thoroughly enjoy searching for ways to make everyone happy because I get insane anxiety from thinking anyone is mad at me. ESPECIALLY when it's someone I deeply care for. However, there is no way I'm able to get approval from everyone I really love. No matter what I decide, someone won't be able to make it, another won't like the dress, and someone else may be furious you're serving meat when they're vegetarian. YOU CAN NOT WIN, so stop trying to win for other people. Just win for yourself.

3. Whoever makes it about them is selfish.

It sounds harsh, I know, but ask yourself this one question: "Would you ever make THEIR day about you?" The answer is probably no. Me personally, no matter who it was my brother, best friend, or cousin-I would not make their day about me. Even if I hated the dress she chose, even if she picked a date that I couldn't make, even if my brother ran off to elope…It's their damn day-not mine. I would never make it about me because *drum roll *: it's not about me. If you're constantly double checking and worrying about people being upset by something YOU decided for YOUR wedding on YOUR day, then those people are shitty because they have made it about them, and that's extremely selfish.

4. The people who love you will be supportive with whatever you decide.

My fiance and I have decided on a destination wedding. There are a lot of reasons why, and ultimately it just ended up working the best for us. With deciding this-we knew a lot of people:

A.) Wouldn't be able to make it

B.) Wouldn't be able to afford it

C.) Wouldn't want to travel outside of the country

D.) Have other obligations that prevent them from attending

Never ONCE did we get angry or upset with anyone who straight up said-"Hey I know I won't be able to swing this." We get it, and it was just a risk we were willing to take. However, some people were still mad about our decision-even though it wasn't their decision to make. However, there are so many people that have been nothing but supportive, and that love and support have been something I'll never forget. For as many people that make it difficult for you, you'll have another handful who will make it a day to remember. There's always some silver lining in the mix at some point.

5. You DO NOT owe anyone an explanation or justification.

-Why have I felt the need to justify to friends, family, and my own bridal party WHY I'm deciding on something for my wedding? The last time I checked it was my wedding, right? Listen because this is super important: You don't need to justify anything you want for your wedding to anyone that isn't your fiance. You want it at a certain location-not anyone else's decision. Do you want to have it in the middle of the winter? Not anyone else's decision. Do you want to have the bridal party wearing cowboy boots with their dresses? NOT THEIR FREAKING DECISION. Stop feeling bad and explaining yourself for something YOU WANT TO HAPPEN on YOUR DAY! If you remember anything from this article-remember that.

6.  Life happens

Life is always unpredictable. There will be things that arise during your planning that you didn't anticipate. Though it's easier said than done, try not to let it alter your day or attitude. Some people you love won't be able to make it, your dream venue may be booked up the year you desperately want to get married in, a bridesmaid may drop out, and a caterer might screw up a dish. This shit happens, but your guests won't care one way or the other. As long as you don't let this ruin your wedding experience overall-everything will be okay…That's something I can promise.

7. All that matters at the end of the day is that you're married to the person you want to spend your life with

In all of the chaos that has already arisen (still pretty far away from my wedding) I have been telling myself from the beginning that at the end of the day I only really care about being the wife to the guy I love. Every time someone says something to hurt me tries to talk me out of something I feel passionate about doing or informs me of something intentionally meant to stress me out-I breathe, tell myself I'll marry a guy that I love, and move on with my business. I'm not saying it never gets to me, but the thought of spending my life with my fiance excites me more than these people's negative thoughts stress me out. At the end of all of this, you won't look back at your wedding and think of all the things you didn't like because you'll be too busy gleaming over the fact it happened. You're lucky enough to find someone you WANT to spend your life with, and seriously not everyone is lucky enough to say that. Though it's challenging, try to remember people are selfish, and not everyone has your best interest at heart. However, there are ALWAYS people that'll go above and beyond to make you focus on yourself, and I'm lucky to have some of those people apart of my special day. So when it gets stressful and yes it will get stressful…remember that you've got this. It's your day, and you can do whatever the hell you want with it.

Sincerely,

The Bride-To-Be

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To My Future Fiance, If You’re Proposing To Me For The Instagram Content, Have Fun Posting A Video Of Me Saying ‘No’

Whoever you are, take notes for future reference.

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OK, OK, he can propose to me in public, but if it's a grand event that has nothing to do with my character, then 100% I'm saying, "No, try again."

I hope that one day someone special has my heart and wants to spend the rest of their life with me. But I want them to really know who I am. Inside and out and all around. I'm not a showy person, I'm not into social media, and I don't want a 20-carat ring. There's nothing wrong with any of those things, but it's never been for me. It's just not me.

I'm never going to do anything because someone else or the general society thinks or says I should do it. I like to defy society and do what's best for me. Even if I do something that is acceptable by society's standards, I'm not doing it for them, I'm doing it for me. I always say, "If someone wants to get to know me then they shouldn't judge what they see, read, or hear, they should just say, 'Hi,' and we can go from there." I don't post something for others to see, I post it for myself. Because it makes me feel good. Because I impulsively want to.

So, I want my fiancé's initial feeling of complete and absolute love to be blurted out to me ASAP. You don't have to keep your passions hidden while you plan a huge fiasco with balloons and confetti and "Will you marry me?" clouds in the sky. I don't need that for you to tell me you love me.

My dream proposal would be us cooking and taste tasting dinner, dancing, and singing to our favorite song when you just pause to look at me and ask, "You wanna get married?"

Of course, I'd question if you're being serious or not, but if we've already discussed the future and our hearts are in the right place, I'd melt in your arms.

You're not proposing to me to show off our love to your Facebook friends. You're proposing to me because you want nothing else but me. If you want to plan something special afterward, go ahead. Thoughtful surprises make me feel so special, but make sure that it's planned for me.

My long-distance boyfriend recently surprised me with a visit by calling my parents to figure out just how to leave me open-mouthed. I realized how much I appreciated the planning and arrangement. No one has ever done that for me before and I won't lie, I loved it. I wouldn't mind a fun proposal. I would be eternally grateful for the thought behind it, but I want the initial question to be intimate, personal, and tailored for me.

At the end of the day, sure, the proposal can be out and about in public, but I want the focus to be us. Not just me or you, but our relationship and our future. I don't care if other people don't think you love me enough because the proposal wasn't a showstopper. I know how you feel about me and that's all that matters.

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