No, Science Isn't Trying To Convince You To Save Sex For Marriage

No, Science Isn't Trying To Convince You To Save Sex For Marriage

Having sex with someone doesn't hormonally bind you to them for life.


The topic of sex is one that can function as a highly polarizing and political topic, ranging from the right individuals have to their sexuality, the ability for them to have sex, who to have sex with and when to have sex.

One particularly polarizing topic is the notion of whether to have sex before marriage or to wait until you say "I do."

Quite frankly, there is no right answer to that question. Each healthy, consenting adult should have the ability to make decisions they feel is right for them about their own sex life.

Other people though, prefer to determine and police the acceptability surrounding sexual conduct, and shame individuals from making decisions about their sex life.

This type of behavior is present in a recent, viral article on this platform entitled "If The Bible Can't Convince You To Save Sex For Marriage, Maybe Science Will."

The subheadline of this article makes a good point, claiming that "sex shouldn't only be a faith-based decision."

Sex, casual or otherwise, should be a well-informed decision any adult makes regarding whether they choose to have it or not. One's faith (or lack thereof) level of comfortability, desire for sex, partner of choice and circumstances are all intersecting factors that one may consider when it comes to having safe, consensual sex.

One popularized notion regarding the study of sex is that of oxytocin, a hormone released during sex, childbirth, and breastfeeding. Oxytocin is colloquially referred to as the "love hormone."

People call oxytocin this "love hormone" since it can increase the feelings of attachment one might experience or influence one's sociability one has when it's released from the hypothalamus.

And while oxytocin is proved to function in pro-social behaviors, including sexual activity, it is not proven to "bond" someone for life.

So while the science recognizes the sociable and potential bonding effects oxytocin can have between individuals, it is not accurate to suggest that it is responsible for something as monumental as a lifetime of emotional bondage.

Therefore, making claims that a woman releasing oxytocin "connects her to the other person for the rest of her life" and that oxytocin "is also the reason so many girls feel so miserable after a short-term relationship ends" are not only false usages of scientific data, but they shame individuals who have decided not to wait until marriage to have sex.

There exist plenty of women who have can have casual sex and not feel bound to those sexual partners for life. Women also release dopamine during sex, meaning that their pleasure and happiness levels arise during sex similarly to men.

When short-term relationships end, the disappointment and misery more than likely comes from other emotional factors, not due to a woman's body bonded to a man for life.

Suggesting that a woman's sexuality and emotional stability is so heavily determined by one hormone not only denies many women of their healthy sexual expressions but is scientifically inaccurate.

So if you believe that saving sex before marriage in accordance with certain interpretations of the Bible, then please, save yourself. Those are your beliefs, and I respect that decision wholeheartedly.

Science, however, is not up for interpretation. There is no scientific, blatant fact that states oxytocin binds one to another person eternally, nor is the primary reason why women are unhappy when relationships end.

Attempting to enforce one's non-secular ideas through the misuse of science is not a logical, nor respectful way to articulate your beliefs, especially when your beliefs potentially infringe on someone's personal decisions.

So no, endocrinologic studies cannot directly tell you that it's better for everyone to save sex before marriage.

The decision on when to have sex comes from you and your beliefs, and so long as those decisions ensure you are safe, happy, healthy and respectful of those around you, they are the correct decisions.

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Literally, so hot RN

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My Parents Didn’t Tell Me To Stay Pure Until Marriage, I Made That Decision On My Own

So, please respect my decision.


As we evolve into a more open and accepting world, the one thing that is getting less taboo is sex. It's not something that is talked about behind closed doors. It's something that is on the television screens and easily accessible on our phones. People talk about it and promote it like it's small talk. It's so hard to escape, especially as a young adult.

To say that I am staying pure until marriage is a very uncommon thing, at least in my opinion. Sure, I have friends who are in the same boat as I am. But, even at a Christian college, sex is everywhere and most people are partaking in it. However, I decided to not.

Growing up, my parents never told me to stay pure until marriage directly. I went to church and heard about it in sermons. I knew that by keeping myself pure until marriage, I would enjoy it more knowing that I waited for my future husband. I understand that some people may not agree with me on this topic, but here's why I am saving myself.

1. I want to know that the man loves me.

For me, I want to have sex with someone that I love. Now, you may defend this with the fact that your boyfriend loves you. That's great. But, dating isn't always a sure thing. Boys (and girls) can say that they love you, just to get in your pants. And, they will. It happens all the time. And, because you are blinded by love, you will end up giving in and doing it. But, see, I don't want to be blinded by love. I want to know that the person I am with, is with me forever. By making the biggest commitment aka marriage, that is a clear sign that they love me and want me forever. This is a good example of actions show more than words do. They can say they love me, but when they showcase that love, that's when I know it is real.

2. I want to give all of me to one person.

I heard this great example my senior year that discusses this exact thing. For someone like Hugh Hefner, who was with HUNDREDS of women, when he got older, he said he didn't feel anything anymore when it came to sex. He was numbed by the whole experience. It wasn't pleasurable or for love. By having sex with countless women, he had given a little part of himself to each of them, until he had nothing left. Therefore, by saving myself for one person, they would be getting all of me. As a whole. 100%. This is special because no one else has that except for my future husband.

3. The idea of getting pregnant scares me because of the lack of security.

For the past three generations in my family, they have all had children young. 15, to 17, to 20 years old. Blinded by love. Manipulated by their hormones. They had sex and got pregnant. To see not only 1 woman, but 3 women in my life go through that, I know how difficult it is. You're a kid yourself. Personally, I do want children. However, I have so many dreams and goals for myself. I want to graduate from college. Get a good career. Travel. Fall in love. A lot of that can be halted by a child. I don't know if I would get to achieve everything I want to, especially if I would have to raise the child alone (which usually happens). So, by waiting for marriage, I am using the biggest form of birth control.

4. There's no comparing, if you have only been with one person.

Now, this is different for every relationship. However, everyone feels insecure or uncomfortable when it comes to dating and relationships. Knowing that someone has had sex prior, you wonder if you are shaping up or doing better than the previous. By only having sex with one person, it relieves the stress of comparison.

5. It brings me closer to God.

One important lesson I have learned from friends, college, and personal experience, is that relationships (when it isn't built on God), you tend to stray away from Him. Therefore, by making my relationship with God stronger, I fall in love with Him first. Then, I am capable of loving a boy and committing to something like marriage and sex.

So, no, my parents never convinced me to stay pure until marriage. It was my own decision. I have reasoning for staying pure and it's my choice. So, please stop shaming virginity in the 21st century, because I'm not shaming you if you aren't one.


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