You Shouldn't Have To Ask For The Type Of Love You Know You Deserve

You Shouldn't Have To Ask For The Type Of Love You Know You Deserve

You shouldn't have to question whether or not someone cares. If they care, you'll know.

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I genuinely do not understand why I ever put up with anything less than I deserve in relationships.

I've always thought of myself as a nice person. I like to go the extra mile for people, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. My parents have always taught me that it's important to be willing to do things for people without expecting anything in return.

It's really not that difficult to do. There are people in my life that I care about a lot, and I want them to be happy. If you need someone, I'll be there, no matter what. I'm the "mom" friend, and I hold that title with pride.

However, whenever friendships or relationships would end, I'd always end up questioning everything I did for that person. Were they my friend just because of everything I did for them? Did they only like me because I was always there, but when I suddenly needed the same from them, they decided it wasn't worth it?

It really hurts when you suddenly find out people won't do the same for you as you've done for them. No one wants to feel like their friends don't care about them, and it sucks when you realize it's true.

But, some people just love differently than you, and that's OK.

Sometimes, the expectations that you have for people are just a little bit too high. Sometimes, people can't do for you what you've done for them. But, that doesn't mean you have to put up with it.

If you're genuinely struggling, the people you love should be there for you. If you need someone, you shouldn't feel like a burden. I never realized how important this was until I found people that genuinely treated me like I deserve to be treated.

I spent my entire life going an extra mile for people and loving them like I want to be loved while receiving almost nothing in return. That's bad, and I've learned to stand up for myself when people start treating me badly. I won't put up with things that don't match what I need and want.

Just because someone loves you, doesn't mean they care for you. That's a hard lesson to learn.

In the past, there were so many people that I would go to when I was sad or just having a bad day and wanted to vent, but that wasn't important enough for them to spend time or energy on. I thought it was a problem with me when it was actually a problem with them.

I've always felt sort of alone when I go through things. In the past when I've reached out, no one really helped me in a way that I needed, even when I asked. That's wrong, and I refuse to accept that ever again.

Now, if I'm feeling sad, my friends don't stop bugging me until I talk about it. If I need something or just need to vent, I always have people there with no judgment. I don't have to ask them to treat me like how I deserve, and that's the best thing that I could have ever asked for.

I never realized how badly I was treated until I found people that actually help me and care about me, and I can't settle anymore. I shouldn't have to question whether or not you care. Actions speak louder than words, and it's pretty easy to see the truth when you start paying attention to the right things.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

6 Things You Learn Living With Your Boyfriend For The First Time, All Within, Like, 500 Square Feet

Love is patient, love is kind.

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Last summer, my boyfriend and I were at a crossroads in our relationship.

At the time, we had been together for over a year and a half, and I had just made the decision to move seven hours away to Los Angeles to finish school. Realizing we didn't want to spend the next two years apart from each other, we made the huge decision to move in together in the new city.

While living with my partner has had its ups and downs, I've learned a lot about our relationship. Here are six of the biggest lessons I've learned while living with my boyfriend for the first time.

1. There is such a thing as too much time together.

Most of the time we can't get enough of each other, but there are times when we definitely need some alone time. Spending all hours of the day cuddling on the couch can feel super good sometimes, but in order to keep our relationship healthy, we have realized that it is important to have outside interests, hobbies, responsibilities, and friends. This just makes it so much sweeter to come back home to each other at the end of the day.

2. Our relationship won't always be "50-50."

In an ideal world, we would split all of our mutual responsibilities equally. However, the real world is messy, and sometimes one of us needs to pull more weight than the other. When I'm sick, my boyfriend has no problem doing the laundry and dishes and then lavishing me with back rubs in bed. And when he's working long hours or having a hard day, I will do the same for him. In the end, we both care and love for each other equally, and that's all that matters.

3. We have different ideas about cleanliness.

I'll admit, I'm a bit of a neat freak. My boyfriend is by no means a dirty person, but little things like leaving shoes and clothes lying around bother me a little more than they should. Part of living together has been learning to accept one another's natural tendencies, being patient, and compromising. While my boyfriend still has a tendency to leave things scattered about, he has learned to be more conscientious, and I have learned to relax (a little).

4. Having different schedules can be challenging.

While my days tend to begin pretty early in the mornings, my boyfriend works night shifts, so it can be difficult to schedule mutual activities together, particularly SLEEP. However, the longer we've been together, the better we've been able to accept these differences and work around them. I'm okay with the few hours cuddling in bed together each night, especially because I know this is only temporary.

5. Living together is surprisingly easy.

One of the best things I have found from living with my significant other is that it is actually REALLY EASY. Sometimes I'll hear those nightmare stories about couples who move in together, only to find out that their lifestyles aren't compatible at all. I've been really lucky to find someone who lives so harmoniously with me. For the most part, my boyfriend and I work perfectly together, and that's one of the ways I know he's a keeper.

6. Our relationship is only growing stronger.

Honestly, my boyfriend and I might as well be married already, because the more we learn about one another, the closer we become. I love living with my boyfriend, I love being with him, and I have a feeling that we'll be together forever. Cohabitation is a beautiful thing, and it's one of the most important ways to figure out or wants and needs in a relationship. I just feel lucky I've found my number one.

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If He Says 'You Make Me Want To Be A Better Person,' Remember It's NOT A Compliment

No one should be relying on another person to make them better people.

bethkrat
bethkrat
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A lot of us have been there; he smiles at you sweetly, gives you a look that could melt your heart, and you let yourself fall into the kindness.

He tells you, "you're such a good person; you make me want to be better."

Your heart is a flutter, you're drowning in the sickly sweetness of what you take as one of the nicest things someone has ever told you. It's so easy to read it as though it's an admirable thing for anyone to say, but the reality is, no one should be held liable for making you want to be a decent human being except yourself.

It's one thing for people to bring out the best in each other.

When you find your happy place in the company of the people you love most in life, that's one of the greatest things in the world. That example of the "bettering" of one another comes organically. But to only find a desire to be kinder, more selfless, more decent because another person is kind, selfless, and decent is putting way too much liability on the other person, and it means not taking responsibility for yourself.

By telling me that I'm the reason he wants to be a better person, he's putting me on a pedestal that I cannot possibly live up to all the time.

He's holding me liable for his desire to stop his negative behaviors rather than it coming from a true desire to be better. If being with me or around me is the only reason he's decided he needs to get his act together and start being a decent human being, I'm here to tell him that he should really reevaluate.

Because what happens when we break up?

What happens if we have a falling out for some reason or another, and I'm not longer in his life to "inspire" him to be better? His desire to be better disappears alongside me, because his desire never really came from his heart anyway. He go back to the same negative behavior that he had in the first place unless he came come to the realization that being a good person has to come from a real desire within.

I don't have the time to pander to people who can't take responsibility for their actions.

It shouldn't have to be my job to show anyone what being a decent human being looks like. His parents should have instilled that in him when they were raising him, and if not that, he should have been able to recognize elsewhere what kindness and decency looked like in other people so that he could emulate it himself. If he's a grown adult who says he didn't recognize what being good meant until he met you, that says more about him than it does about you.

The point of all of this is simple; it is an extremely important life lesson to learn that you are not responsible for anyone's actions and feelings except for your own.

You are not accountable for the decisions someone else makes, and that's the truth. No one is dating someone with the intent on raising him and teaching him how to behave or exist as a functionally member of society, and no one should have to.

I'm not saying it's a red flag to hear it. Often times it is said with good intentions and sometimes it is meant in the organic sort of way I mentioned before. But my advice if you're ever told this; think about it. Consider it a pink flag, one that makes you do some evaluating before you smile bigly and accept the comment as though it is a badge of honor.

Above all, hold people responsible for their own actions and don't let them make you feel responsible instead.

bethkrat
bethkrat

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