In far too many relationships, there is a MAJOR lack of trust between the two people. And oftentimes this causes each person to cut off friends, many of whom have been around for a long time. Unfortunately, this is a situation I was in.
Within the first year of my last relationship, I cut off several of my very close friends for him. I drew the line, though, when he would get jealous of me spending time with my very best friend, trying to get me to shut her out, too — I wouldn't. She eventually grew on him, but I still missed my old friends.
A lot of the time when I couldn't see him, she was also busy, which left me with no one to spend time with. This was really hard for me, especially because I was still learning about my mental health issues and I had no one to lean on.
I let this go on for nearly four years. When you see someone through rose-colored glasses, you miss all of the red flags.
There were points throughout the relationship I said "screw it" and reached out to some of those people, just to be met with anger and mistrust from my boyfriend, so much so that he would look through my phone to see who I had been messaging and repeatedly ask what we talked about. Either I couldn't remember, or I told him the truth and said we just caught up because it had been a long time.
It went as far as sharing all of each other's passwords to unlock our phones and all of the information for our social media. Sadly, it took breaking up for me to realize how toxic this situation was. Even two months after breaking up, when I started reaching out to old friends to try to rebuild relationships, he would find out and get upset. I quickly learned to put my emotions aside and affirm that I was doing, what was best for me, and he didn't have power over me.
It has been almost a year since we broke up, and I feel happier and more loved than I have for a while.
I have surrounded myself with people who I know care about me, and I constantly have people to talk to when I'm not feeling my best. And while I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship, I know what to be cautious of.
I know the signs now, and it's important that anyone in a relationship can spot the typical red flags that something's not right and potentially avoid heartbreak.
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