10 Surefire Signs He Doesn't Respect You—And Never Will

10 Surefire Signs He Doesn't Respect You—And Never Will

This is not an exhaustive list, of course, but hitting any criterion should let you in on the truth

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Call me a cynic, but I cannot believe in the dynamic nature of humans. Change arrives at a snail's pace and specific changes must be deliberate decisions actively worked at over time.

At the beginning of a relationship—or even down the road—people are on their best behavior, making any sign of disrespect at all should be given the utmost consideration. From what I've seen the baseline for any sort of healthy relationship should surely include respect and honesty. Whether someone treats you with respect has more to do with them than with you—remember that if you become entangled with a disrespectful man.

IT'S. NOT. YOU. It's them. It's not your responsibility to even attempt to change them. Do not even try—trust me, I've been there and it gets you absolutely nowhere. These sorts of people tend to be too stubborn to even admit they have a problem, and if they did, wouldn't care enough about other people to fix it. My best advice to you if you suspect you're with a disrespectful partner (or are starting to become involved with one) is to run in the other direction as fast as you can.

1. Crosses your boundaries (or pushes you to loosen them)

You will let him know what's okay and not okay, and he may seem to accept it at the moment, but it'll gnaw at him—he may bring it up and try to persuade you in the other direction. A man who really respects you will in turn respect your boundaries or whatever decisions you've made for yourself. Your comfort and limits you've set for yourself matter much, much more to him than anything else.

2. Uses the phrases "not to sound like a dick" or "I know this makes me sound like an asshole"

Maybe you're saying these things because you ARE a dick or an asshole? Ever think of that??

Assholes are assholes and dicks are dicks because they seem that way to other people, it's not really up to an individual to label themselves as NOT. It's up to the people around them and how he makes them feel. I cannot tell you how many times a man has played the card "I know this makes me seem like a dick, but I'm definitely not a dick even if I act like a dick in every sense of the word." Not those exact words, but yeah, you get it.

3. Holds onto the label "nice guy" or "honest guy" for dear life

In general, people cannot self-evaluate with any reliable degree of accuracy—the labels people hold onto are what they want you to see and think, and you shouldn't necessarily trust them. These descriptors, "nice guy" or "honest guy" tell you how to expect to be treated, but don't tell you much about who the person actually is. From my experience, the worst people described themselves as "nice guys" and the most dishonest as "honest guys," so I've learned that the opposite is often far closer to the truth.

4. Doesn't demonstrate respect for what's important to you—or worse, demonstrates disrespect

I've told men that I'm a writer and an aspiring therapist and could tell right then and there whether I would make it past that singular conversation with them. I've received comments like "hahahahah I hate writing" or "that's actually really sad" or no acknowledgement that I said anything at all as he proceeded to talk about himself—all of these responses were highly disrespectful. What you do or aspire to do is a huge part of who you are, and for him to not pay his respects is a form of disrespect towards you.

5. He's flaky as hell and shows up only when it's convenient

You have to go the extra mile to ensure he doesn't flake—or to get him somewhere at all as you two planned. He may reschedule constantly if he reschedules at all or keeps pushing back your meeting time to later in the day. Or he may show up out of the blue when he feels like it.

6. Leaves you in the dark about what he really wants or about his life

You'll go on and on about the minute details of your life, what's going on with your friends, what you want in the future, where you'd want this relationship to go, but you have absolutely no idea about what's going on with him. You may be given general details about his life, whether that means a big project with work or being particularly busy, but when it comes to the things that really matter you're left in the dark.

7. Leaves you on "read" but demands to know why you haven't responded within a few hours

He can leave you on read and not respond for days, but when he finally responds, he'll demand to know what's up if you don't respond in a heartbeat. In other words, he wants you to be at his beck and call, but doesn't express that you deserve to hear back in a reasonable amount of time. This extends to any number of circumstances—he expects all of your attention and care, but delivers barely a sliver to you in return.

8. Uses guilt-trapping or other emotionally manipulative methods to get his way

It doesn't matter what you say, he wants to do what he wants to do and he'll do whatever it takes to persuade you. He'll make you feel like you're being stupid, he'll make you feel like your decisions are foolish, he'll make you feel guilty and responsible for his emotions. Doesn't matter what's important to you because what's important to him somehow matters more.

9. You get the feeling he could drop you at a moment's notice

He hasn't expressed that he cares enough about you to fight for you during the rough patches or stressful periods that we all face; in fact, it seems like he tries to avoid all sense of emotional attachment in order to keep his power over you. He doesn't respect you enough to go all in or all out, there's always a sense that he could jump ship when the tides start to turn.

10. You don't FEEL respected

Ultimately, this is one of the most important determinants. Doesn't matter if he supposedly has all the respect for you in the world if you can't feel it. There's a difference between a lack of respect and blatant disrespect, yet neither make for a healthy relationship. You should feel that not only does he have a deep respect for those he meets in general, but that he has a particularly strong sense of respect towards you.


Take a man's words with a grain of salt, until he's gained your hard-earned trust and demonstrated the power of his word. Instead, pay extreme attention to what his actions are telling you. You don't want someone who doesn't respect you because once you stay with him, you stop respecting yourself and that is the most damaging effect of all. Take care of yourself and hold out for the partner that respects you 100%.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

The 5 Differences Between Physical and Emotional Cheating Every College Girl Should Know

Regardless of their differences, they're still equally awful.

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Cheating can be a violation of another partner's physical and mental health when it occurs and is often a dealbreaker in a relationship. While cheating of any sort is often traumatic and upsetting for a partner, there exist a variety of ways in which their partner might cheat. Of the many ways in which infidelity can occur, the way a person cheats falls under the categories of physical or emotional cheating.

While overlap can occur between the two within a relationship, there exist a few differences between physical and emotional cheating that often differentiate the two.

1. Physical cheating requires  a physical relationship, whereas emotional cheating doesn't

This is the most self-explanatory difference between physical and emotional cheating. When someone physically cheats on their partner, that means they've decided to engage in sexual acts without the knowledge or consent of their partner. Emotional intimacy involves emotional contact without the partner's consent, such as intimate conversations, extensive flirting and doting behaviors practiced outside the context of the couple's relationship.

2. Physical cheating may not involve feelings or emotional intimacy, whereas emotional cheating does

Physical cheating can involve long-term sexual relations with one person or involve sporadic incidences with multiple people. The archetype of physical cheating is cheating without feelings attached, where people have sex without attachment. While attachment can occur within physical relationships, the assumption is that physical cheating is sex-based.

Emotional cheating, however, is based on forming a strong bond and romantic attachment to someone in a way that's meant to be reserved for their partner. For emotional cheating, the cheater is deliberately seeking validation and affection through non-sexual contact and communication with someone else.

3. Physical cheating involves in person contact, whereas emotional cheating can exist in person or digitally

Physical cheating involves a formed sexual relationship, which can only occur in person. Emotional cheating, however, can include both in-person contact or extensive online communication with a non-partner. For example, a partner could be emotionally cheating through the extensive use of a dating app, wherein said partner channels their affection and emotions into the digital person instead of their partner.

4. Physical cheating is secretive, whereas emotional cheating might not be

In monogamous, non-open relationships, it is expected that each person in the relationship is only sexually active with their partner. For a partner that chooses to cheat, it is imperative they keep their new, sexual partner (or partners) under wraps to prevent sabotaging their relationship. Emotional cheating, however, can manifest gradually without being under wraps.

For example, it's possible one's partner could become romantically and emotionally involved with a friend over time, where time spent with a said friend or acquaintance grows. The investment and growth of the new relationship could occur within social circles that allow one partner to witness the new relationship grow over time. This gradual growth could be masked as a new colleague, friend or contact.

If a partner who's cheating exploits their current partner's trust, they could disguise their new relationship until they decide to leave or break up with the current partner.

5. Physical cheating can cause bodily harm to your partner, while emotional cheating doesn't

While both physical and emotional cheating can result in plenty of hurt, there exist potential health complications from physical cheating beyond impacting one's mental health. If one partner is having sex with one or more people outside their relationship, they risk transmitting STI's to their partner.

Certain STI's manifest in men's and women's bodies differently. Gonorrhea, for instance, doesn't always present with symptoms in women, similarly to chlamydia in men. Untreated STI's can lead to severe infections or infertility, or even cancer or chronic illness if a partner contracts HPV, HIV, syphilis or herpes. So if you and your partner were monogamous and you break that pact, you can put yourself and them at serious risk for health complications.

So if you didn't think cheating on your partner was bad enough, passing on a preventable STI makes you even more of an inconsiderate asshole.

Collectively, physical and emotional cheating are two broad categories of cheating that describe hurtful envelope behaviors within relationships. While both types of cheating often have behaviors that intersect, it's important to recognize what they are to protect yourself in the event they happen.

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15 Things Every College Girl Should Remember When She Ditches A Toxic Relationship

The hardest part of it is getting to a place where you can be honest with yourself.

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The past year or two of my life has been a whirlwind in regard to the relationships I've ended and the ones I've started. I ended a romantic relationship that I later realized was abusive, I learned to let go of unhealthy familial relationships and friendships, and I'm still learning how to have a healthier relationship with myself.

More importantly, aside from letting go of toxic relationships, I've learned how to start investing in energizing, healthy relationships that enhance my life. I found a partner who empowers me to be whole, I started putting more effort into the good relationships I have with family and friends, and I realized the importance of taking care of my most important relationship: me.

But the road to leaving toxic relationships isn't easy. It takes strength and perseverance. The hardest part of it is getting to a place where you can be honest with yourself and how the relationships in your life impact you.

I, myself, still have a lot of work to do, but there are some key learnings I've realized along the way:

1. You can't make someone love or like you, and it's not your responsibility to

2. Their mistake is not your fault

3. If your partner can't be the person you need them to be, someone else will

4. Lifelong friends are the ones who have your back regardless of wherever you are in life

5. Surround yourself with people who join you in celebrating your wins and mourning your losses

6. It's not normal for a person to make you cry every day

7. You shouldn't have to change everything about yourself for someone

8. Love yourself the way you want to be loved

9. Love others the way you want to be loved

10. Energy put into fighting senselessly with someone is wasted energy

11. How friends treat you has a bigger impact on how you view yourself than you might think

12. Call your family more

13. Honestly ask yourself—does my relationship make me feel good about myself?

14. If they can't handle you at your highest and lowest times, they don't deserve you

15. Life will go on, and everything will be okay, even if it doesn't seem like it

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