10 Surefire Signs He Doesn't Respect You—And Never Will

10 Surefire Signs He Doesn't Respect You—And Never Will

This is not an exhaustive list, of course, but hitting any criterion should let you in on the truth

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Call me a cynic, but I cannot believe in the dynamic nature of humans. Change arrives at a snail's pace and specific changes must be deliberate decisions actively worked at over time.

At the beginning of a relationship—or even down the road—people are on their best behavior, making any sign of disrespect at all should be given the utmost consideration. From what I've seen the baseline for any sort of healthy relationship should surely include respect and honesty. Whether someone treats you with respect has more to do with them than with you—remember that if you become entangled with a disrespectful man.

IT'S. NOT. YOU. It's them. It's not your responsibility to even attempt to change them. Do not even try—trust me, I've been there and it gets you absolutely nowhere. These sorts of people tend to be too stubborn to even admit they have a problem, and if they did, wouldn't care enough about other people to fix it. My best advice to you if you suspect you're with a disrespectful partner (or are starting to become involved with one) is to run in the other direction as fast as you can.

1. Crosses your boundaries (or pushes you to loosen them)

You will let him know what's okay and not okay, and he may seem to accept it at the moment, but it'll gnaw at him—he may bring it up and try to persuade you in the other direction. A man who really respects you will in turn respect your boundaries or whatever decisions you've made for yourself. Your comfort and limits you've set for yourself matter much, much more to him than anything else.

2. Uses the phrases "not to sound like a dick" or "I know this makes me sound like an asshole"

Maybe you're saying these things because you ARE a dick or an asshole? Ever think of that??

Assholes are assholes and dicks are dicks because they seem that way to other people, it's not really up to an individual to label themselves as NOT. It's up to the people around them and how he makes them feel. I cannot tell you how many times a man has played the card "I know this makes me seem like a dick, but I'm definitely not a dick even if I act like a dick in every sense of the word." Not those exact words, but yeah, you get it.

3. Holds onto the label "nice guy" or "honest guy" for dear life

In general, people cannot self-evaluate with any reliable degree of accuracy—the labels people hold onto are what they want you to see and think, and you shouldn't necessarily trust them. These descriptors, "nice guy" or "honest guy" tell you how to expect to be treated, but don't tell you much about who the person actually is. From my experience, the worst people described themselves as "nice guys" and the most dishonest as "honest guys," so I've learned that the opposite is often far closer to the truth.

4. Doesn't demonstrate respect for what's important to you—or worse, demonstrates disrespect

I've told men that I'm a writer and an aspiring therapist and could tell right then and there whether I would make it past that singular conversation with them. I've received comments like "hahahahah I hate writing" or "that's actually really sad" or no acknowledgement that I said anything at all as he proceeded to talk about himself—all of these responses were highly disrespectful. What you do or aspire to do is a huge part of who you are, and for him to not pay his respects is a form of disrespect towards you.

5. He's flaky as hell and shows up only when it's convenient

You have to go the extra mile to ensure he doesn't flake—or to get him somewhere at all as you two planned. He may reschedule constantly if he reschedules at all or keeps pushing back your meeting time to later in the day. Or he may show up out of the blue when he feels like it.

6. Leaves you in the dark about what he really wants or about his life

You'll go on and on about the minute details of your life, what's going on with your friends, what you want in the future, where you'd want this relationship to go, but you have absolutely no idea about what's going on with him. You may be given general details about his life, whether that means a big project with work or being particularly busy, but when it comes to the things that really matter you're left in the dark.

7. Leaves you on "read" but demands to know why you haven't responded within a few hours

He can leave you on read and not respond for days, but when he finally responds, he'll demand to know what's up if you don't respond in a heartbeat. In other words, he wants you to be at his beck and call, but doesn't express that you deserve to hear back in a reasonable amount of time. This extends to any number of circumstances—he expects all of your attention and care, but delivers barely a sliver to you in return.

8. Uses guilt-trapping or other emotionally manipulative methods to get his way

It doesn't matter what you say, he wants to do what he wants to do and he'll do whatever it takes to persuade you. He'll make you feel like you're being stupid, he'll make you feel like your decisions are foolish, he'll make you feel guilty and responsible for his emotions. Doesn't matter what's important to you because what's important to him somehow matters more.

9. You get the feeling he could drop you at a moment's notice

He hasn't expressed that he cares enough about you to fight for you during the rough patches or stressful periods that we all face; in fact, it seems like he tries to avoid all sense of emotional attachment in order to keep his power over you. He doesn't respect you enough to go all in or all out, there's always a sense that he could jump ship when the tides start to turn.

10. You don't FEEL respected

Ultimately, this is one of the most important determinants. Doesn't matter if he supposedly has all the respect for you in the world if you can't feel it. There's a difference between a lack of respect and blatant disrespect, yet neither make for a healthy relationship. You should feel that not only does he have a deep respect for those he meets in general, but that he has a particularly strong sense of respect towards you.


Take a man's words with a grain of salt, until he's gained your hard-earned trust and demonstrated the power of his word. Instead, pay extreme attention to what his actions are telling you. You don't want someone who doesn't respect you because once you stay with him, you stop respecting yourself and that is the most damaging effect of all. Take care of yourself and hold out for the partner that respects you 100%.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

As Much As You May Want To, You'll Never Get Over Your First Love

You never forget your first

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Your first love is just that: the first person you've ever truly loved (besides your family and friends). Maybe you've kissed a few people before, but with this person it's different. They mean something to you that no other person ever has before. Maybe you met this person when you were younger in high school or met them a little later in life as I did at the end of my first year of college. Meeting my first love transformed me, both for the good and the bad, and as much as I may want to, I'll never get over my first love and neither will you.

When we met, we didn't meet in some fantastical way, we met on Tinder right after a surprise breakup of mine. We had instant chemistry, and I didn't get to kiss him for weeks because I ended up getting mono right after the breakup (haha whoops). He was the first person I've ever kissed who I didn't want to stop kissing- ever. Yes, second semester freshman year me was super extra when it came to him, but being with him was so different than anyone else. Things progressed through the summer as we talked every single day, even though we never got to meet up because we were both busy, and at the beginning of my sophomore year, I lost my virginity to him. That was a big step for someone who thought she'd wait until she was married. He made sure I was fine and didn't push me to do anything I wasn't comfortable with. I'll treasure that forever.

He was someone I loved with all of my being, to the point where it was physically hurting me in the end because I knew what I felt wasn't going to ever be reciprocated the way I wanted it to be. That's when I had to end it, which was one of the hardest things I've ever done. To me, he was a boyfriend, but to him, I was a friend with benefits. I wanted something more and he wanted less, and I didn't want to accept that. I wasn't his first love but he was mine, which he doesn't know and probably never will. I have had moments where I thought I was over him, but then all the emotions flood right back. In hard moments of hurt is when I miss him the most, but also in moments of joy too. If I see a nice car I think of him, or of other little things, like a french bulldog or The Fast and The Furious.

Your first love leaves such a monumental effect on you as a person. They have seen parts of you others have not. You will always remember your firsts more than anything else, which is why your first love never leaves you. As roughly as things ended between he and I, he's always going to have a piece of me that no one else will ever have. The relationship we had wasn't what you'd expect from someone you call your first love, but his mark on me is what helped shape me into who I am today for better or for worse.

Don't let any negativity remain when it comes to your first love (if there is any). Let it go and remember the good. They will be a part of you forever, so you can never truly get over you.

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Why You Keep Falling In Love With People Who Don’t Love You Back In Your 20s

It's embedded in our human psychology to always desire deeper connections and meaningful relationships with the people we hold close to our heart, even if the feeling aren't necessarily mutual.

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Can love truly be both beautiful and heartbreaking?

It's a question I silently asked myself, sitting shotgun in a car next to someone I considered my friend.

A "friend" seemed to be the right label to define our relationship. To him, I was just a friend—who just happened to be a girl, a girl he texts regularly, jokes around, and can grab a drink with. And we loved each other as friends, because we both trusted each other, we had fun together and each had our own independent lives which would connect occasionally in a complete, non-questionable platonic way.

But slowly, for me, he was becoming everything I've ever wanted in a guy, standing right in front of me. But he wasn't mine to have.

And imagine being so close to someone you want except you can't have him because it might just ruin everything you've already shared together. Because what if you scare him away? What if he replies by telling you "No"?

That's the simple nature of falling in love with someone you can't be with.

In our early part of our lives—particularly in our 20s and during our college years, we all experience this type of heartbreak.

To name a few: A high school boyfriend who lives halfway across the country now. The hot guy you sit next to in lecture who already has a girlfriend. The casual hookup who you just can't manage to stop thinking about as you endlessly toss and turn at night. The platonic friend who doesn't quite see you as being something more.

We all at one point in our thoughts have imagined "coupling" or sharing a life with a guy who we can't seem to have for ourselves. We've always dreamt how things could actually work out if you actually shared your feelings with him except the closest we'll ever reach to it is in our dreams, not reality.

And to examine the logic behind why this happens, we have to first admit how we always want what we can't have.

Because it's embedded in our human psychology to always desire deeper connections and meaningful relationships with the people we hold close to our heart, even if the feeling aren't necessarily mutual.

So, it's not really this case of the whole Romeo and Juliet "star-crossed lovers" BS but rather, it's purely a one sided love which can most definitely be beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. Beautiful because there's always a connection you feel which makes you all warm and bubbly inside but heartbreaking because you know this connection is merely flowing in a one way track.

So then, why do we tend to maintain our connections with these people who hurt us?

One reason is because you're afraid to lose him altogether. Perhaps you think he's going to go on full freak-out mode after you spill the beans to him. My piece of advice in this scenario would be to just suck it up and take the chance. Talk to him about how you feel because honestly, what's there to lose? Unless you're not reciting some sappy, over-the-top love story about how many kids you plan to have with him, you're fine.

But perhaps, the most common reason is because we assume he might eventually fall in love with us, too.

And if this pertains to you, gear up because I can write on for days about why this is a big no-no. Heck, I can probably teach a class or lecture to all of you about my elaborative theory of why you will definitely know whether a boy truly loves you or not. It's plain and simple—if he loves you, he'll make sure you know.

And you can't force someone to fall in love with you. Even if you pay them a million bucks, you can get them to pretend to love you or force them to be with you—but it's never going to be true love. Because true, unrequited love is effortless. It comes naturally. The fiery passion will be shared mutually and you won't ever have to question whether or not you belong with him.

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