10 Surefire Signs He Doesn't Respect You—And Never Will

10 Surefire Signs He Doesn't Respect You—And Never Will

This is not an exhaustive list, of course, but hitting any criterion should let you in on the truth


Call me a cynic, but I cannot believe in the dynamic nature of humans. Change arrives at a snail's pace and specific changes must be deliberate decisions actively worked at over time.

At the beginning of a relationship—or even down the road—people are on their best behavior, making any sign of disrespect at all should be given the utmost consideration. From what I've seen the baseline for any sort of healthy relationship should surely include respect and honesty. Whether someone treats you with respect has more to do with them than with you—remember that if you become entangled with a disrespectful man.

IT'S. NOT. YOU. It's them. It's not your responsibility to even attempt to change them. Do not even try—trust me, I've been there and it gets you absolutely nowhere. These sorts of people tend to be too stubborn to even admit they have a problem, and if they did, wouldn't care enough about other people to fix it. My best advice to you if you suspect you're with a disrespectful partner (or are starting to become involved with one) is to run in the other direction as fast as you can.

1. Crosses your boundaries (or pushes you to loosen them)

You will let him know what's okay and not okay, and he may seem to accept it at the moment, but it'll gnaw at him—he may bring it up and try to persuade you in the other direction. A man who really respects you will in turn respect your boundaries or whatever decisions you've made for yourself. Your comfort and limits you've set for yourself matter much, much more to him than anything else.

2. Uses the phrases "not to sound like a dick" or "I know this makes me sound like an asshole"

Maybe you're saying these things because you ARE a dick or an asshole? Ever think of that??

Assholes are assholes and dicks are dicks because they seem that way to other people, it's not really up to an individual to label themselves as NOT. It's up to the people around them and how he makes them feel. I cannot tell you how many times a man has played the card "I know this makes me seem like a dick, but I'm definitely not a dick even if I act like a dick in every sense of the word." Not those exact words, but yeah, you get it.

3. Holds onto the label "nice guy" or "honest guy" for dear life

In general, people cannot self-evaluate with any reliable degree of accuracy—the labels people hold onto are what they want you to see and think, and you shouldn't necessarily trust them. These descriptors, "nice guy" or "honest guy" tell you how to expect to be treated, but don't tell you much about who the person actually is. From my experience, the worst people described themselves as "nice guys" and the most dishonest as "honest guys," so I've learned that the opposite is often far closer to the truth.

4. Doesn't demonstrate respect for what's important to you—or worse, demonstrates disrespect

I've told men that I'm a writer and an aspiring therapist and could tell right then and there whether I would make it past that singular conversation with them. I've received comments like "hahahahah I hate writing" or "that's actually really sad" or no acknowledgement that I said anything at all as he proceeded to talk about himself—all of these responses were highly disrespectful. What you do or aspire to do is a huge part of who you are, and for him to not pay his respects is a form of disrespect towards you.

5. He's flaky as hell and shows up only when it's convenient

You have to go the extra mile to ensure he doesn't flake—or to get him somewhere at all as you two planned. He may reschedule constantly if he reschedules at all or keeps pushing back your meeting time to later in the day. Or he may show up out of the blue when he feels like it.

6. Leaves you in the dark about what he really wants or about his life

You'll go on and on about the minute details of your life, what's going on with your friends, what you want in the future, where you'd want this relationship to go, but you have absolutely no idea about what's going on with him. You may be given general details about his life, whether that means a big project with work or being particularly busy, but when it comes to the things that really matter you're left in the dark.

7. Leaves you on "read" but demands to know why you haven't responded within a few hours

He can leave you on read and not respond for days, but when he finally responds, he'll demand to know what's up if you don't respond in a heartbeat. In other words, he wants you to be at his beck and call, but doesn't express that you deserve to hear back in a reasonable amount of time. This extends to any number of circumstances—he expects all of your attention and care, but delivers barely a sliver to you in return.

8. Uses guilt-trapping or other emotionally manipulative methods to get his way

It doesn't matter what you say, he wants to do what he wants to do and he'll do whatever it takes to persuade you. He'll make you feel like you're being stupid, he'll make you feel like your decisions are foolish, he'll make you feel guilty and responsible for his emotions. Doesn't matter what's important to you because what's important to him somehow matters more.

9. You get the feeling he could drop you at a moment's notice

He hasn't expressed that he cares enough about you to fight for you during the rough patches or stressful periods that we all face; in fact, it seems like he tries to avoid all sense of emotional attachment in order to keep his power over you. He doesn't respect you enough to go all in or all out, there's always a sense that he could jump ship when the tides start to turn.

10. You don't FEEL respected

Ultimately, this is one of the most important determinants. Doesn't matter if he supposedly has all the respect for you in the world if you can't feel it. There's a difference between a lack of respect and blatant disrespect, yet neither make for a healthy relationship. You should feel that not only does he have a deep respect for those he meets in general, but that he has a particularly strong sense of respect towards you.

Take a man's words with a grain of salt, until he's gained your hard-earned trust and demonstrated the power of his word. Instead, pay extreme attention to what his actions are telling you. You don't want someone who doesn't respect you because once you stay with him, you stop respecting yourself and that is the most damaging effect of all. Take care of yourself and hold out for the partner that respects you 100%.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

To The Guy Who Ghosted Me, You Broke Me Into Nothing By Saying Nothing, But Now I'm Bouncing Back

You betrayed me in a way I expected from any other guy but you


I thought I hit the jackpot. I thought it would take me quite some time to find someone to replace the guy I lost, who I didn't want to lose. I thought no one would come close to him, but that's when I met you. You made me forget about the pain of the past with your comforting words. You were so real, you have gone through your own sets of trials, been through hell and back in many aspects of life, and you were there to talk to me and feed me warm, happy maple syrup feelings I didn't think I'd feel again so soon.

You drip honey, so sticky on the inside but so innocent on the outside, upon first glance.

I gave in to you in every sense. I opened up, I told you things I don't like telling people, especially a random guy I'd just met. You're the kind of guy a girl can look at and say, "Wow, this is going to suck when you leave." You weren't supposed to leave.

I was the girl who wasn't a psycho like your exes, but you couldn't handle something too real, too tame. Your thrill for psychotic bitches is your downfall. I was going to ask you about where we stood and prove doubters wrong. You were the boy I wanted to bring home in a few months time, to meet my family, to meet all of my friends, but you never gave me the chance. You left me to plans that you knew would never happen. You betrayed me in a way I expected from any other guy but you and ripped out a part of me I don't think I'll ever get back.

I trusted you to a fault because I'm someone who always looks for the benefit of the doubt in a situation. I cut you slack, I gave you chances to tell me the truth. You owed me the truth and all I got was you watching my stories on Snapchat, an answer without words. You bought me flowers and candy for Valentine's Day and made me pasta twice because you knew I loved it. You let me meet your dog. How dare you do things for me to treat me like something so disposable? Did I ever even matter? I felt something so real, a cosmic connection, and you broke it with ease. You broke me into nothing by saying nothing, but now I'm bouncing back.

I may not be making any leaps or bounds at the moment, but I'm going to get back out there. It's unfortunate that you defiled the trust I had, but I'm not going to let that stop me from opening up to anyone else. It's just going to be a rougher road to walk on since you've taken the smooth exterior away. It took me days before I could really cry over you. I cried hot tears of true pain, that burned my face when they fell. That being said, those tears have stopped now. I prayed over getting you back, asking those watching over me to reverse what's written for me, to give me you again, to have you give me an answer.

You're not supposed to be with me. I'm not supposed to be with you. You're another step closer to who I'm supposed to be with. Maybe it's you, just down the line when you get it together, but I certainly am not holding my breath for you or anyone else who hurts me ever again.

You ghosted me, and now you're a part of the list of boys who have done the same thing. Your ghosting stung a lot and left me more vulnerable than usual. But I'm not letting you and your lack of respect for me prevent me from moving on. I won't see you around, except on Snapchat, watching my stories while I watch yours. I'm writing this for me as I heal and look forward to the day ambulance sirens and the sound of saying your name in conversations stops hurting me.

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Hey Little Sis, Heartbreaks Are Rough, But I Promise You That It's Going To Be OK

I've been there — we've all been there — and it sucks, but it's not the end of the world, I promise.


Dear Little Sister,

I know this sucks. Heartbreak is hard. Your first relationship lasted much longer than mine did, so I can only imagine how much more it hurts right now. I get it. But, you aren't alone in what you're feeling. So, here is my best advice for you.

Your feelings are completely valid

It does not matter if you broke up with him, or if you're still young, or anything anyone else wants to say. Your feelings are valid because they are what you are feeling. No one has the right to tell you what to feel—you have a right to feel your feelings fully.

Keep your chin up

You are a complete person all on your own—you don't need no man! You are great the way you are, and strong enough to get through it all.

Stay positive

This relationship didn't work out? That's OK! You're that much closer to finding the one that will. Mom's right—this just teaches you more of what you do or don't want in a relationship.

Don't jump into another relationship right away

I know you're used to having someone there, and the company and support are great. But don't let someone you care about become a rebound. If they really care about you, they'll wait until you're sure of yourself again. You deserve time to yourself.

You're going to learn who your real friends are—lean on them.

If your friends feel the need to pick sides over your relationship ending, they probably weren't really your friends to start with. Your friend circle is going to shrink a little, but that's OK. It's best to know who is there for you now. And while you're leaning on your friends, don't forget you can lean on your family. I know when you're 15 it can be hard to relate to your parents, but I promise you they care about you.

If you want to chill with Ben & Jerry for a while, that's cool

Puns completely intended. But, go ahead and eat the ice cream (there's no reason not to). You deserve it.

Do not forget your worth

You are beautiful and smart and kind. You deserve the best. Live your best life, my dear.

I know I don't have all the answers, but I hope this helps. I am always here for you.

I love you,

Your big sister

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