18 Super Early Signs That Your Crush Might Be A Toxic Boyfriend

18 Super Early Signs That Your Crush Might Be A Toxic Boyfriend

Put your new relationship euphoria on hold and look out for these red flags that might mean your new boy toy is toxic.

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Having a new crush is exhilarating. The butterflies, late night talks, and mutual obsession are electrifying, but the euphoric feeling that comes with a new crush can disorganize one's thoughts making it easy to miss major red flags that point to a potentially toxic relationship.

Before you dive head first into a new relationship and completely lose yourself for a guy you know little about, be sure to put your euphoria on hold and look out for these super early warning signs that might mean your new boy toy is TOXIC.

1. They move too fast

People always say "when you know, you know," but it's important not to rush into anything too quickly, or to at least be cautious when you do.

2. All of their exes are "crazy"

If all of their exes are "crazy" and they constantly vilify their exes, there's more than likely a cycle. This person might be resentful and unable to forgive. Be careful, or you could be the next "crazy ex."

3. They wallow in self-pity

If you notice early on your crush hyper-focuses on all of life's misfortunes, this could overflow into your relationship and eventually he will start hyper-focusing on all of your mistakes—big or small.

4. They are self-absorbed

Being self-absorbed can be mistaken for confidence at first, but be careful, too much confidence can be a sign of narcissism.

5. They insist on knowing details you're uncomfortable sharing

If someone pushes to know things about your past that you aren't ready or willing to share this could mean your crush doesn't and won't respect any boundaries you may set in the future.

6. They don't have a desire to befriend your friends or family

If someone doesn't want to get to know your friends or family then this person will more than likely cause you to isolate yourself from them later in your relationship's future.

7. They sneak into your phone or social medias

This invasion of privacy is a huge red flag. Whether it's rooted in lack of trust or in the need to know your every move, it is a huge "no no." This means your crush doesn't trust you and trust is the foundation of any good relationship, this is also a huge sign of controlling behavior.

8. They sleep a lot

The occasional nap is no crime—I should know, but sleeping through work or taking naps every day shouldn't be ignored. If someone sleeps so much it is affecting their day to day, then odds are this person is struggling with things not even love can fix. Just remember it isn't your job to fix someone, and you can only help those who want help.

9. They have no drive

If you notice your crush has no life goals and relies on their parents for everything, then odds are this person is not only lazy but entitled with no work ethic. Unless you want a boyfriend who doubles as a kid, then run away cause you can't file "bum boyfriend" as a dependent for your taxes.

10. They're overly insecure

If you constantly have to reassure someone it can become tiring. This could be rooted in self-hatred and nothing you say or do can make this person believe you care. This can be draining and eventually make you feel like you're not enough.

11. They have double standards

If your crush gets jealous when you go to the gym in a tank top but spends his Thursday nights at Hooters, then you are experiencing a double standard. This double standard won't stop there, later in the relationship you will have all these rules that he doesn't have to abide by—and that's unhealthy, controlling and manipulative behavior.

12. Nothing is their fault

If your crush can do no wrong then you should start to worry. Being able to admit to one's faults is important and admirable.

13. Refuse to make things public

If your crush is adamant on keeping things "just between the two of us," then odds are he has commitment issues, and if he ever does commit you might be left with the feeling that you aren't enough.

14. Conversations seem shallow

If your conversations lack depth than that might mean your crush is emotionally closed off or just plain shallow. Either way, if you can't have a conversation with meaning the relationship probably isn't headed on the right track—or a meaningful track.

15. Taking forever to respond

If he responds every three hours even if he isn't at work and has nothing to do then he's probably just keeping you on a hook reeling every so often just to keep you around. He's probably not interested in you and only interested in what you can do for him.

16. Isolating you from others

Isolation is a huge red flag. If someone causes you to isolate yourself from the people and things you love the most then you might begin losing yourself. People who do this want control. Don't give it to them.

17. Hung up on an ex

If your crush is still heartbroken over an ex then he probably isn't ready for anything serious. But if they broke up over a year ago then this guy either has a weird obsession or is using his heartbreak as a way for attention. Either way, it's a no go.

18. Lacks appreciation

You could hang the moon and this guy still won't say thank you. Be sure that your crush is appreciative of even the smallest things you do. If not, then nothing you do will never be enough and you will lose yourself trying.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

5 Questions To Ask Yourself When You're On The Fence With A Guy

Is he worth it?

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Whether you're contemplating if you want to continue your fling with a guy or contemplating breaking up with your boyfriend, there are always questions we're asking ourselves. Ranging from "is this right of me?" to "is this what will make me happy?" But if you are really sitting on the fence and don't know what to do next, check out these five questions you need to ask yourself if you're torn on what to do.

1. Do I want long term or short term?

This is a huge question to ask. If you're looking to settle down for a while, your guy may not want that. And it could always be the other way around as well. Make sure to decipher this with him so you both know what you want and no one gets a broken heart.

2. Can I see myself marrying this person?

I know this is a bold question to ask, especially if you're not dating. But really thinking about if you can see yourself with them for a long time can make it or break it. But say you're dating and you're on the fence of deciding you want to break up with them or not, think about if you can see yourself saying "I do" to them, and if you can't, let him go.

3. Can I see myself living with them/how do they live?

I've seen many people get engaged and move in together and later call it quits due to the way their partner lived. If you've been getting to know your guy for a while now and notices he lives like a pig, you may have to wonder if you'd be cleaning up those messes in the future.

4. How do they make me feel?

This question in a no brainer. If they make you feel bad, why even question continuing into the relationship.

5. Are they worth it?

Is he worth it? I know I have had some experiences when I was on the fence with a couple of guys and I've had to ask myself the same question. And when I'd question if he was worth it or not, my gut feeling always came out right. If you're looking to keep him around, always ask yourself if he's worth it.

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Girls, You NEED To Understand That Fuckboy Texting You ‘wyd’ 24/7 Will Never Give You A 24 Karat Ring

I finally managed to crack the code as to why your casual hookup will never try to make you his wife.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong
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There are five unofficial steps of hookup culture: Find a guy. Get to know him a little bit, but not too much (because you have to keep "boundaries," remember?) Make a pact to keep things "casual" and promise to still be "friends" with each other. Then, hookup with him. And keep hooking up with him without any emotional attachment — just over and over again and never expect anything more.

From a birds eye view, hookup culture seems so harmless. I mean, what's more convenient than having a booty call at your doorstep with the swipe of a screen? When you want to hook up, all you have to do is shoot that 2 a.m. "U Up?" text.

Hell, I even wrote a whole article about the perfect FWB situation.

Yet suddenly—here I am, Elle Hong, resident "Uncuffed" writer on Swoon and self proclaimed fuckgirl who glorifies hookup culture above anything else, catching feelings and falling for the wrong guys just like any other girl out in the world.

Consider this blasphemy. Or maybe I'm just dying to make a confession.

A confession that I, too, have experienced the feeling of wondering why I was never enough for the guys I hooked up with. Why they never chose me over the girls they would eventually form serious relationships with and why to them I only was nothing more than a casual hookup.

So, I thought about it. I critically analyzed it. I "Aristotle-d" my way into trying to find an answer behind the impossible question of wondering why I was never considered to be anything more. Over the past few weeks, it essentially became my new research topic and now, I finally managed to crack the code as to why your casual hookup will never try to make you into wifey material. Here's why.

First and foremost: Guys usually (but not always) choose to hookup with girls who they don't see as anything more.

Now, keep in mind I'm not saying that guys will NEVER fall in love with the girls they hookup with because it can happen. It's life. Life is unpredictable. No doubt, people have fallen in love on Tinder and married a random match who just happened to become The One. But we all know what Tinder is really for. Generally speaking, guys will seek random hookups with the types of girls they think are "easy" and if they're desperate enough, it's definitely not going to be someone they view as their future wife.

If he thinks you're cute, you're within 10 miles radius and you can hold a conversation, it doesn't matter what your annual salary is or how many siblings you got—he wants one thing and it's to get you in bed. And until a guys find this girl who captures his heart and inevitably makes him want to settle, he's going to go around hooking up with random girls left and right. So in this case, it's not your fault. You're just with the wrong type of guy who only thinks of you as his sexual conquest.

See also: Guys want to settle with girls that don't go around hooking up with other people.

Ironic as hell because I just talked about why guys would never want to settle, period. But think about it—guys are humans with rational thoughts and animalistic desires. When they find their territory, they mark it. Once he finds a girl who is the one, he never wants to let her go. And he never wants to see that girl be with another guy or god forbid, go around hooking up with other guys. So here's the moral of the story to get my point across: I hate to break it to you, but bragging about how many other guys you're f*cking outside of your current FWB situationship isn't going to help develop the relationship any further.

Finally: A girl's "hoe phase" might seem empowering but for guys they see it as a threat.

Thanks to the wonderful millennial encyclopedia that we call Urban Dictionary, we have a definition behind this certain life style: A phase in life which occurs when a girl goes around social settings exploring herself, committing promiscuous acts and connecting with random people. For girls, it seems pretty damn empowering, doesn't it? For us it's a chance to let loose, to live a lil bit more and to run around as independent women. Nothing wrong with that of course.

But for guys to perceive this type of lifestyle, they see it as a threat which could arise if they form a relationship with you. It's simple logic here. A girl who's in her "hoe phase" is more likely to be unfaithful since they're always out and about with this person and that person. Put it this way: a guy doesn't care if you're a hoe—but he only wants you to be HIS hoe and not everyone else's. So you might think that it's a great way to express yourself and to enjoy your college years, but keep in mind that it could possibly be holding you back from taking the next step with your casual FWB.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

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