I'm Single And Happy Because It's Not Hard To Be Both

I'm Single And Happy Because It's Not Hard To Be Both

Too many people dwell on being alone, and I don't understand why.

Being a student is hard.

Working part-time as a student is hard.

Keeping a steady budget and paying bills as a student is hard.

Managing a schedule chock full of classes and shifts while trying to maintain a social life is hard.

Being single is not hard.

If anything, it makes life easier. The point of this article is not to knock those who are in committed and faithful relationships, but to remind those who aren't that it's not the end of the world.

Too many people dwell on being alone, and I've just never quite understood why.

In high school, relationships didn't make sense to me. Teenagers trying to be serious with one another, but still having to ask their parents permission to borrow the car -- how ironic.

I got into one out of peer pressure and guilt, but all it did was ruin my relationship with one of my best friends and confirm my prior beliefs. Granted, I wasn't with the "right" person, but who is at 16?

I'm not bitter about it nor have I avoided relationships specifically because of that one incident. It just opened my eyes to the reality of commitment at a young age: it's unnecessary stress.

At a young age, I became the friend that everyone came to with their 'relationship' questions. Adolescents doing stupid things, trying to incorporate whatever they saw on Facebook or MTV into their own lives -- helping people craft that risky text to their significant other when things were "complicated" was my specialty.

Every once in a while, I would ask people why they would come to me when they knew how I felt about relationships. Every single answer revolved around me being level-headed or having common sense.

Basically, people felt the same way I did about relationships, they were just scared of being alone (God forbid you finish school before worrying about the rest of your life -- what a ridiculous concept).

Fast forward to college, and I still get the same text messages seeking advice. Except now, they're about pregnancy scares and Tinder matches rather than who's taking whom to the dance.

Yet, I still haven't been in a committed relationship.

I can't tell you for sure if I've ever been in love, but I've certainly shared mutual feelings with someone I could see being a part of my future. When I started having those feelings, I looked at my life differently. For the first time, I started to consider that a relationship may not be a burden after all.

I was talking my friends' ears off about it, trying to make sense of having legitimate feelings for someone and wondering if it was worth all the emotional vulnerability. For a short while, I had no interest in meeting anyone else, I didn't even mind sitting at the table, watching the drinks while everyone else danced with a guy at the bar. My mind let loose and I soon thought about little else but one guy and the possibility of a future with him.

Just when I decided that it was worth it, there was a problem: we were both in completely different stages in our lives.

That is so common at this age, I don't know why people try so hard to fight it.

I woke up and realized I wasn't ready to start playing house. I needed to reel it in and get my priorities in check. I'm in school to plan my own future, not become a spouse. Why get seriously involved with someone on a completely different path who isn't ready to settle down either?

Homework, exams, bills, family, friends, grades, work -- why add emotions on top of all that stress?

Everywhere I look, people are making decisions about their future based on their significant other: where they move, where they go to school, whether or not they take a job -- to me, it's sad.

I've never felt more like myself than when I exercise my freedom to treat dating like an extracurricular activity. School doesn't allow for much free time, and when it does, I owe that time to myself: to have fun and de-stress. There's plenty of fish in the sea, and fishing is a hobby -- not a lifestyle.

We have the rest of our lives to commit and settle down (or for the pessimists who are convinced they'll die young, why waste our youth trying to force everything into place?).

Don't stress about finding 'Mr. Right'.

Get yourself a 'Mr. Right Now' instead, because he's probably still figuring it out too.

Cover Image Credit: PX Here

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

5 Questions To Ask Yourself When You're On The Fence With A Guy

Is he worth it?


Whether you're contemplating if you want to continue your fling with a guy or contemplating breaking up with your boyfriend, there are always questions we're asking ourselves. Ranging from "is this right of me?" to "is this what will make me happy?" But if you are really sitting on the fence and don't know what to do next, check out these five questions you need to ask yourself if you're torn on what to do.

1. Do I want long term or short term?

This is a huge question to ask. If you're looking to settle down for a while, your guy may not want that. And it could always be the other way around as well. Make sure to decipher this with him so you both know what you want and no one gets a broken heart.

2. Can I see myself marrying this person?

I know this is a bold question to ask, especially if you're not dating. But really thinking about if you can see yourself with them for a long time can make it or break it. But say you're dating and you're on the fence of deciding you want to break up with them or not, think about if you can see yourself saying "I do" to them, and if you can't, let him go.

3. Can I see myself living with them/how do they live?

I've seen many people get engaged and move in together and later call it quits due to the way their partner lived. If you've been getting to know your guy for a while now and notices he lives like a pig, you may have to wonder if you'd be cleaning up those messes in the future.

4. How do they make me feel?

This question in a no brainer. If they make you feel bad, why even question continuing into the relationship.

5. Are they worth it?

Is he worth it? I know I have had some experiences when I was on the fence with a couple of guys and I've had to ask myself the same question. And when I'd question if he was worth it or not, my gut feeling always came out right. If you're looking to keep him around, always ask yourself if he's worth it.

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Girls, You NEED To Understand That Fuckboy Texting You ‘wyd’ 24/7 Will Never Give You A 24 Karat Ring

I finally managed to crack the code as to why your casual hookup will never try to make you his wife.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

There are five unofficial steps of hookup culture: Find a guy. Get to know him a little bit, but not too much (because you have to keep "boundaries," remember?) Make a pact to keep things "casual" and promise to still be "friends" with each other. Then, hookup with him. And keep hooking up with him without any emotional attachment — just over and over again and never expect anything more.

From a birds eye view, hookup culture seems so harmless. I mean, what's more convenient than having a booty call at your doorstep with the swipe of a screen? When you want to hook up, all you have to do is shoot that 2 a.m. "U Up?" text.

Hell, I even wrote a whole article about the perfect FWB situation.

Yet suddenly—here I am, Elle Hong, resident "Uncuffed" writer on Swoon and self proclaimed fuckgirl who glorifies hookup culture above anything else, catching feelings and falling for the wrong guys just like any other girl out in the world.

Consider this blasphemy. Or maybe I'm just dying to make a confession.

A confession that I, too, have experienced the feeling of wondering why I was never enough for the guys I hooked up with. Why they never chose me over the girls they would eventually form serious relationships with and why to them I only was nothing more than a casual hookup.

So, I thought about it. I critically analyzed it. I "Aristotle-d" my way into trying to find an answer behind the impossible question of wondering why I was never considered to be anything more. Over the past few weeks, it essentially became my new research topic and now, I finally managed to crack the code as to why your casual hookup will never try to make you into wifey material. Here's why.

First and foremost: Guys usually (but not always) choose to hookup with girls who they don't see as anything more.

Now, keep in mind I'm not saying that guys will NEVER fall in love with the girls they hookup with because it can happen. It's life. Life is unpredictable. No doubt, people have fallen in love on Tinder and married a random match who just happened to become The One. But we all know what Tinder is really for. Generally speaking, guys will seek random hookups with the types of girls they think are "easy" and if they're desperate enough, it's definitely not going to be someone they view as their future wife.

If he thinks you're cute, you're within 10 miles radius and you can hold a conversation, it doesn't matter what your annual salary is or how many siblings you got—he wants one thing and it's to get you in bed. And until a guys find this girl who captures his heart and inevitably makes him want to settle, he's going to go around hooking up with random girls left and right. So in this case, it's not your fault. You're just with the wrong type of guy who only thinks of you as his sexual conquest.

See also: Guys want to settle with girls that don't go around hooking up with other people.

Ironic as hell because I just talked about why guys would never want to settle, period. But think about it—guys are humans with rational thoughts and animalistic desires. When they find their territory, they mark it. Once he finds a girl who is the one, he never wants to let her go. And he never wants to see that girl be with another guy or god forbid, go around hooking up with other guys. So here's the moral of the story to get my point across: I hate to break it to you, but bragging about how many other guys you're f*cking outside of your current FWB situationship isn't going to help develop the relationship any further.

Finally: A girl's "hoe phase" might seem empowering but for guys they see it as a threat.

Thanks to the wonderful millennial encyclopedia that we call Urban Dictionary, we have a definition behind this certain life style: A phase in life which occurs when a girl goes around social settings exploring herself, committing promiscuous acts and connecting with random people. For girls, it seems pretty damn empowering, doesn't it? For us it's a chance to let loose, to live a lil bit more and to run around as independent women. Nothing wrong with that of course.

But for guys to perceive this type of lifestyle, they see it as a threat which could arise if they form a relationship with you. It's simple logic here. A girl who's in her "hoe phase" is more likely to be unfaithful since they're always out and about with this person and that person. Put it this way: a guy doesn't care if you're a hoe—but he only wants you to be HIS hoe and not everyone else's. So you might think that it's a great way to express yourself and to enjoy your college years, but keep in mind that it could possibly be holding you back from taking the next step with your casual FWB.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

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