In high school, I had an amazing boyfriend. It was the purest and most real love I have experienced in my short 19 years of life.
He was also the first boy to ever be in my life and the relationship lasted all together 2+ years. So, relationships were all I knew and the brief time I was single in high school, I was lost and things got weird and boys were still the main focus for me.
This past summer, I became single and focused the sunny days to making money, building a resume, and getting a tan. When school picked back up again, I was ready to venture out and meet new people. I had this shiny motto for the year: Single and Sisters. I wanted to focus on my sisters and building those relationships better, and I wanted to focus on me and being single.
Then everyone around me got boyfriends.
And they were all hanging and talking and gushing about these boyfriends. I was happy for them, do not get me wrong, so happy that my gals were happy, but I am not going to lie to you. It felt weird and off. I was jealous and always finding myself longingly looking at the sweet couples I was surrounded with. So then, I started looking for boys, constantly, when I went out, on the bus, in the library. Searching for the next date party victim. Boys, boys, boys.
Last week, my sorority hosted Pumpkin Cut, where we got festive by inviting a date to carve pumpkins and eat dinner with us. My two best friends, Ashley and Madeline, invited their boyfriends and I went alone, planning to just hang out with them. I thought it would be weird and I would end up a little sad, but quite the opposite happened.
I had an awesome time. I carved the cutest cat into my pumpkin and sat next to the couples who worked together to carve theirs. I took candids of them helping one another and giggling and having a good time. I was laughing my booty off at how elementary my cat was turning out, and how the boys decided to eat some of the pumpkin guts. The guys and I jokingly made fun of the girls while they were trying to find an Instagram worthy position to pose in with their pumpkins. We laughed, we took a million pictures, and we all had such a good time.
It seems so little and insignificant, but it truly opened my eyes as to how content I am right now with being single.
Just me, by myself, doing me. I was so comfortable, not jealous or upset, with my best friends just carving some pumpkins. I have never felt like this, it is odd for sure, but I really like it.
College is a pivotal time in our life's. It is actually a hot mess of stress, grades, gaining weight, and getting too lit, but the 'big picture' is about readying ourselves for the real world. These 4 years are about doing whatever you can do to get to know yourself and to prepare yourself for what God has in store for the rest of your life.
We are supposed to be doing whatever makes our hearts glow.
Oh, yea and make good grades… but whatever… big picture.
Right now is my time to be single. Not looking and searching and wishing for a boy to come equal out the bike that I am always 5th wheeling on. It is a tiny fraction of my life where I can be completely and totally myself, even though I have zero clue who that even is yet. I am comfortable with just me and me alone. It is a tough, brutal, and long process, but I am learning to love myself, as cliché as that sounds.
Here is me, being single and sassy as ever
Now don't get me wrong, my girls who have these amazing boyfriends are not in the wrong.
They are not doing college incorrectly, that isn't what I am saying. God's plans for them were completely different than His plans for me.
They are finding themselves, just with the help of worthwhile boys. There is no need to be jealous or upset about what does or does not come your way right now. This is such a pivotal time in our lives, we must roll with the punches and be grateful for how they shape us. I guess that's how we find out who we actually are, by how we let the punches of life affect us.
Single: a period to be alone, not lonely (there is a difference). To be a little selfish and focus on you, only you. I am grateful for this time and will use it to dig further and deeper into myself than ever before. There is no room for boys, actually (well the wrong ones anyway). Only room for my sisters, my goals, and for loving myself. And school…school too.