11 Little Things That Will Ruin Your Relationship In A Big Way If You're Not Careful

11 Little Things That Will Ruin Your Relationship In A Big Way If You're Not Careful

Acting too cocky in front of your partner might ruin things between you.

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I have been apart of a couple of different relationships here and there. I've experienced long term, short term, toxic and loving... a complete spectrum.

I found myself in a very manipulative and narcissistic relationship at some point. During this time, I realized that the small things do matter. If they don't, they do harshly damage your relationship which can blind yourself from wanting to leave because the relationship ends up making you feel like all the arguments and sadness is your fault and you want to be there to fix it.

In my new relationship, I am cautious of the tiny things and how they can affect my relationship. Big and small, everything should be taken into consideration when problems arise.

1. Holding a grudge

It's been said that holding in grudges is bad for our mental health. Holding a grudge feels like extra weight we have to carry around which isn't good for yourself or your partner. Speaking to them about why you're feeling weighted down may seem like a bad idea, but in reality, keeping it to yourself will most likely result into a worse problem.

2. Thinking about the past

The past is something that creeps up on us sometimes whether we like it or not. If you or your partner are bringing up things from their past before you or them came into the picture,

3. Passing the blame

Constantly passing the blame onto your partner may seem like nothing too serious, but it adds up. We're all in the wrong sometimes and need to admit it whether we like it or not. I experienced this and it always ended up with me apologizing for things that I had nothing to do with.

4. Jealousy

We all like a little jealousy here and there so it makes us feel wanted by our partner. On the other hand, serious jealousy is a waste of time. Serious jealousy can consist of wanting your partner or them wanting you all to themselves, wanting to control their or your life, etc. It can take a serious toll on you or them if it gets out of hand.

5. Bad communication

One of the biggest keys to a good relationship is communication. Having bad communication can cause mixed emotions and actions. In my past relationship, he had no communication with me whatsoever. He never listened and never took what I said into consideration. It can start out as little and become a huge problem in a short matter of time.

6. Making fun of your partner's insecurities

Relationships of all kinds involve some type of friendly teasing, but if you are well aware of your partner's insecurities and yet still find a way to poke at them, that is not love.

7. Be taken for granted

When you start to feel that you're being taken for granted, it can feel like one of the worst feelings in the world. Sometimes it may not even seem like you or your partner realize what you're doing, but the feeling of being taken for granted really does suck.

8. Small white lies

Lies should never be apart of a relationship. Working around a question, not answering it fully or straight up lying can cause trust issues which are very hard to forgive in the end.

9. Control issues

Controlling someone is a definite no in a relationship. My last relationship, I was controlled the whole time and I never seen it until he was out of my life. I blinded myself by thinking he loved me and that he was that in to me, but it was never any of those things at all. From telling me what I could and couldn't wear to saying I couldn't hang out with any guy friends. None of that was true love.

10. Ignorance

Having someone who would constantly say that you're wrong or everything you do is stupid is not what someone should say to their partner. Ignorance is an ugly trait that can be hidden by feelings you have for them, it can also be a sign of an emotionally abusive relationship.

11. Confidence/cockiness

Confidence is a great thing to have, but having too much of it can have bad results. In my toxic relationship, my partner had a huge ego and he made sure everyone knew that "he was better than them." Whatever he did and wanted for his future was the right way, and when I had my future, he said it was stupid and I'd never make it far because it wasn't his future he had for me. There is a true difference between confidence and cockiness.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

An Open Letter To The Girl In A Toxic Relationship Who Doesn't See The Signs To Let Go

"it took letting go to realize that I was holding onto nothing" -R.H Sin

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Dear you,

I hope you're doing well. I once thought I was too. I once thought that if he would just change, for me, everything would work. However, my sweet girl, you should not have to change people, you should not have to push people to be better, for you. You cannot help anyone, that does not want to help themselves.

In the movies, we learn to love a bad boy that needs changing. However, it isn't always your job to be boys saving grace. However, his shaming and emotional abuse is not just something you should put up with so that you can love him. That is not loving.

Love is not a constant competition of who could belittle the other one first. Love is not asking for a hug and being told no. Love does not make you feel stupid for bringing up things that hurt your feelings.

Love does not grow angry because you talk to your mom about your feelings. Love does not body shame. Love does not constantly change the passcode to their phone.

Love does not laugh when you find out they're unfaithful. Love does not tell you that you are not smart enough to accomplish anything. Love does not force their hand up your thigh when the words "no" slip out of your mouth.

Love is the warmth of a hand on your cheek when you get anxious. Love is getting your backpack out the car for you. Love is turning around when you need them. Love compromises.

Love is encouraging. Love is proud. Love is forgiving. Love sees you for who you are. Love knows you are worthy.

God is your Father and you are His daughter, so do not believe for one second that this abuse is the love you think you deserve.

Love will not always be easy. Love will be challenging and a constant prayer to not anger so quickly.

However, do not mix up challenging with the abuse. If you are losing the good pieces of yourself, then it isn't love. I know that you put a lot of time and effort into this relationship, but it is no good, you are holding on to someone whose heart is not in the right place to love you.

I connected with a poem from R. H. Sin, once I left my toxic relationship which reads, "it took letting go to realize that I was holding onto nothing."

Darling girl, you are so loved by so many people, do not let this relationship hold you back or make you feel less worthy than you are. I have always been the girl with her nose stuck up in the air smelling for smoke, to follow the trail to a burning house to find a boy that needed saving, but it is more than likely a boy that lit the fire in the first place and needs changing.

So, do not be me, be better. Be the girl that lights her own world on fire, for her work, for her family, for God. You are you and you are amazing, so do not fear being without him.

You will feel as if you have come up for air after drowning in an ocean that you had no idea you were swimming in.

The emotional abuse that this boy has put you through and maybe even physical abuse will leave you building walls around your heart. It will make other relationships hard, but you are so so strong.

You will meet someone that makes you so happy and feel so easy to love, you will never understand how you stuck around with the one that hurt you for so long.

You deserve to grow from this, and I promise you will.

Let go.

xoxo,

The girl who learned from a toxic relationship

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Being Far Away From My Boyfriend Actually Strengthened Our Relationship Instead Of Forcing It Apart

While we were apart, we became closer.

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Before I really start this article, I just want to say that my relationship isn't truly a long distance relationship. We are both college students at the same university eight months out of the year, but the other four months we live quite a distance apart. Even during those four months, we are only about 150 miles from each other as the bird flies, but really about three hours from each other.

Being in a relationship where I'm not able to see my boyfriend every day or even every week has been a real challenge. But it's been a good challenge. It hasn't been a challenge because I've felt unfaithful or fallen out of love with him in any way. It's challenging because I miss him. We both work jobs and our schedules aren't the same and oftentimes we aren't able to talk to each other unless it's early in the morning or late at night. There are times when all I want to do is talk to him and tell him about how my day went and get a big bear hug from him. Unfortunately, I'm not really able to do this.

I firmly believe that being apart from each other for days, weeks, or even months have brought us closer than we could've ever imagined. We knew that this would be difficult, and we knew that there would be bad days, but we decided to power through it. It has made each time that we are able to see each other so much more special and meaningful.

Seeing each other has become more of spending time with each other than just laying around on the couch playing around on our phones. It's become really getting to know each other better and catching up on all the things we had missed. It's become a time for us to simply be in each other's presence and enjoy being able to talk face to face without a phone in the middle of us. We go on more adventurous dates, we take more pictures, and I think we would both easily say that we fall more and more in love with each other after each opportunity we have to spend time together.

Spending time together is no longer a daily activity, but it has become a right to be earned through hard work and several paychecks as travel can become expensive. We no longer take opportunities to see each other for granted, and it has made us grow closer because we aren't able to spend time together often. We look forward to the days when we won't have to worry about being apart but know that this is only a stepping stone in our relationship.

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