I have been apart of a couple of different relationships here and there. I've experienced long term, short term, toxic and loving... a complete spectrum.
I found myself in a very manipulative and narcissistic relationship at some point. During this time, I realized that the small things do matter. If they don't, they do harshly damage your relationship which can blind yourself from wanting to leave because the relationship ends up making you feel like all the arguments and sadness is your fault and you want to be there to fix it.
In my new relationship, I am cautious of the tiny things and how they can affect my relationship. Big and small, everything should be taken into consideration when problems arise.
1. Holding a grudge
It's been said that holding in grudges is bad for our mental health. Holding a grudge feels like extra weight we have to carry around which isn't good for yourself or your partner. Speaking to them about why you're feeling weighted down may seem like a bad idea, but in reality, keeping it to yourself will most likely result into a worse problem.
2. Thinking about the past
The past is something that creeps up on us sometimes whether we like it or not. If you or your partner are bringing up things from their past before you or them came into the picture,
3. Passing the blame
Constantly passing the blame onto your partner may seem like nothing too serious, but it adds up. We're all in the wrong sometimes and need to admit it whether we like it or not. I experienced this and it always ended up with me apologizing for things that I had nothing to do with.
We all like a little jealousy here and there so it makes us feel wanted by our partner. On the other hand, serious jealousy is a waste of time. Serious jealousy can consist of wanting your partner or them wanting you all to themselves, wanting to control their or your life, etc. It can take a serious toll on you or them if it gets out of hand.
5. Bad communication
One of the biggest keys to a good relationship is communication. Having bad communication can cause mixed emotions and actions. In my past relationship, he had no communication with me whatsoever. He never listened and never took what I said into consideration. It can start out as little and become a huge problem in a short matter of time.
6. Making fun of your partner's insecurities
Relationships of all kinds involve some type of friendly teasing, but if you are well aware of your partner's insecurities and yet still find a way to poke at them, that is not love.
7. Be taken for granted
When you start to feel that you're being taken for granted, it can feel like one of the worst feelings in the world. Sometimes it may not even seem like you or your partner realize what you're doing, but the feeling of being taken for granted really does suck.
8. Small white lies
Lies should never be apart of a relationship. Working around a question, not answering it fully or straight up lying can cause trust issues which are very hard to forgive in the end.
9. Control issues
Controlling someone is a definite no in a relationship. My last relationship, I was controlled the whole time and I never seen it until he was out of my life. I blinded myself by thinking he loved me and that he was that in to me, but it was never any of those things at all. From telling me what I could and couldn't wear to saying I couldn't hang out with any guy friends. None of that was true love.
Having someone who would constantly say that you're wrong or everything you do is stupid is not what someone should say to their partner. Ignorance is an ugly trait that can be hidden by feelings you have for them, it can also be a sign of an emotionally abusive relationship.
Confidence is a great thing to have, but having too much of it can have bad results. In my toxic relationship, my partner had a huge ego and he made sure everyone knew that "he was better than them." Whatever he did and wanted for his future was the right way, and when I had my future, he said it was stupid and I'd never make it far because it wasn't his future he had for me. There is a true difference between confidence and cockiness.