17 SpongeBob Quotes That Are Acceptable To Scream Mid-Orgasm

17 SpongeBob Quotes That Are Acceptable To Scream Mid-Orgasm

You know what sets the mood? High pitch laughter and talking nautical creatures.
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Like every other millennial, SpongeBob is the core of my childhood. Even as a 20-year-old, I could probably recite key quotes from any episode I watch. However, the older I get, the more I realize how sexual the show is (no wonder why I am the way I am). In honor of my childhood, here are the best lines that could double as dirty talk during your next booty call.

1. When bae tells you to spread your legs

— "I'm ready, I'm ready."

2. When you take your clothes off but still feel sexy AF

— "I'm ugly and I am proud."

3. When he wants head but you forgot the grapefruit

— "Firmly grasp it in your hand."

4. When they go down and you forgot that you haven't showered in two days

— “Do you smell it? That smell, the kind of smelly smell. A smelly smell that smells... smelly."

5. When he's riding you and he forgot to drink two liters of water and gets a cramp

— "My leg."

6. When bae teases you and have to stay strong and act cool till you get fucked

— "I don't need it... I NEED IT."

7. When he puts all of his weight on you when he is on top

— "Excuse me, sir, but you're sitting on my body, which is also my face."

8. When the head is lacking so you give subtle hints on how you can improve

— "Technique!"

9. When bae hits that spot and you lose your fucking mind

— "Meenehoymeehoymehoynee!!!!!!"

10. When bae says to bring that ass over here

— "Bring it arounndddddd town."

11. When bae asks to take off your panties but you aren't wearing any

— "Well, I guess you are going to miss the panty raid...."

12. When bae tries to stick it in but you aren't ready to stop being dominated

— "Assertion... not INSERTION."

13. When geeky white boy whips out and you gasp because there is a 40-ounce in his pants

— "It was big, pink, and scarryyy."

14. When bae says where they are going to shove it and you forget everything but fine dining and breathing

— "LEEDLELEEDLELEEDLE"

15. When they kiss your neck and it makes you quiver but it tickles

*Cue SpongeBob Laughter*

16. When he says to get on your knees

— "If I am lucky, Mr. Talent will rub his tentacles on my art."

17. When bae wants to role play

"I'm Dirty Dan."

Have fun, and make sure you wrap your Krabby Patty up.

Cover Image Credit: Nickelodeon

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

How Much Do You REALLY Know About Contracting STDs? Take This Quiz To Test Yourself

Time to find out how much you really know.

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I don't care what anyone says, safe sex is better than unprotected sex. There are a ton of myths regarding sex, STDs, and germs. It's time to learn the facts. Be kind to your body and protect it. Be honest with yourself and a partner. Even if it's a one night stand, STDs should be on your mind–don't let it be a turnoff. STDs have been on the rise and "The United States continues to have the highest STD rates in the industrialized world." This is your wake-up call.





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My Parents Didn’t Tell Me To Stay Pure Until Marriage, I Made That Decision On My Own

So, please respect my decision.

tiannat
tiannat
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As we evolve into a more open and accepting world, the one thing that is getting less taboo is sex. It's not something that is talked about behind closed doors. It's something that is on the television screens and easily accessible on our phones. People talk about it and promote it like it's small talk. It's so hard to escape, especially as a young adult.

To say that I am staying pure until marriage is a very uncommon thing, at least in my opinion. Sure, I have friends who are in the same boat as I am. But, even at a Christian college, sex is everywhere and most people are partaking in it. However, I decided to not.

Growing up, my parents never told me to stay pure until marriage directly. I went to church and heard about it in sermons. I knew that by keeping myself pure until marriage, I would enjoy it more knowing that I waited for my future husband. I understand that some people may not agree with me on this topic, but here's why I am saving myself.

1. I want to know that the man loves me.

For me, I want to have sex with someone that I love. Now, you may defend this with the fact that your boyfriend loves you. That's great. But, dating isn't always a sure thing. Boys (and girls) can say that they love you, just to get in your pants. And, they will. It happens all the time. And, because you are blinded by love, you will end up giving in and doing it. But, see, I don't want to be blinded by love. I want to know that the person I am with, is with me forever. By making the biggest commitment aka marriage, that is a clear sign that they love me and want me forever. This is a good example of actions show more than words do. They can say they love me, but when they showcase that love, that's when I know it is real.

2. I want to give all of me to one person.

I heard this great example my senior year that discusses this exact thing. For someone like Hugh Hefner, who was with HUNDREDS of women, when he got older, he said he didn't feel anything anymore when it came to sex. He was numbed by the whole experience. It wasn't pleasurable or for love. By having sex with countless women, he had given a little part of himself to each of them, until he had nothing left. Therefore, by saving myself for one person, they would be getting all of me. As a whole. 100%. This is special because no one else has that except for my future husband.

3. The idea of getting pregnant scares me because of the lack of security.

For the past three generations in my family, they have all had children young. 15, to 17, to 20 years old. Blinded by love. Manipulated by their hormones. They had sex and got pregnant. To see not only 1 woman, but 3 women in my life go through that, I know how difficult it is. You're a kid yourself. Personally, I do want children. However, I have so many dreams and goals for myself. I want to graduate from college. Get a good career. Travel. Fall in love. A lot of that can be halted by a child. I don't know if I would get to achieve everything I want to, especially if I would have to raise the child alone (which usually happens). So, by waiting for marriage, I am using the biggest form of birth control.

4. There's no comparing, if you have only been with one person.

Now, this is different for every relationship. However, everyone feels insecure or uncomfortable when it comes to dating and relationships. Knowing that someone has had sex prior, you wonder if you are shaping up or doing better than the previous. By only having sex with one person, it relieves the stress of comparison.

5. It brings me closer to God.

One important lesson I have learned from friends, college, and personal experience, is that relationships (when it isn't built on God), you tend to stray away from Him. Therefore, by making my relationship with God stronger, I fall in love with Him first. Then, I am capable of loving a boy and committing to something like marriage and sex.

So, no, my parents never convinced me to stay pure until marriage. It was my own decision. I have reasoning for staying pure and it's my choice. So, please stop shaming virginity in the 21st century, because I'm not shaming you if you aren't one.

tiannat
tiannat

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