I've Had A Lot Of Sex But That Doesn't Mean I'm A 'Whore,' 'Damaged,' Or Waiting For 'The One'

I've Had A Lot Of Sex But That Doesn't Mean I'm A 'Whore,' 'Damaged,' Or Waiting For 'The One'

I like meeting different people, having different experiences, and being fulfilled in different ways with a myriad of people.

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Growing up, I always remember watching a lot of comedies with my mom. Shows like "Friends," "Frasier," "How I Met Your Mother," and other movies along that same theme.

One of the most heart-wrenching scenes from "How I Met Your Mother" was the moment where Ted Mosby realizes he's all alone at MacLaren's and the pictures running to his future wife's apartment professing his love and saying how much he desired to have every extra second with her, including the 45 days before he met her. I loved that scene because it's that sort of hopeless romantic love that ends up working out on the screen. It's very fairytale-like, but it feels real because you've become invested in the characters.

I'm also a fan of the show "This is Us," which I wrote an article on a while back. It's one of my favorite shows because of how much it focuses on people and their problems. It also has this central character, Jack Pearson, who's the family patriarch and is such a potent force in the family. Watching the show always give me that feeling of intense emotion, whether it's a profound feeling of sadness, loneliness, or happiness.

The emotions are all brought to the surface and it's amazing to feel like you can feel again.

However, in my own life, I don't actually want that. I don't want to be in a relationship, and I don't plan on having a family with kids. I probably don't ever want to be married. Anyone that knows me knows that I'm definitely not a virgin in any sense. In the past two years, I've done a complete 180 from the innocent Catholic school girl I used to be. I'm loud and have no qualms talking about sex with anyone.

After reading through a lot of articles about relationships on Odyssey, I consistently see titles about "hookup culture" and how it's ruining dating or how being single is fine. There's love, there's heartbreak, there's regret, and there's happiness. However, I barely ever see anyone talking about being a part of the hookup culture. A lot of it can be true. And maybe hookup culture is ruining dating and relationship culture, but for most people I know, they all want to find love, they want to find that one person. There are still people who really desire that great love.

For me... that's not what I want.

I keep listening to this song, "Love Not Lovers" by The Script and some of the lyrics go, "No more going under the covers / No more one bed to another / 'Cause you will never find love, you'll only find lovers." And yes, going from one bed to another if you're searching for love is a bad idea. You're going to end up in a lot of heartbreaking situations.

For me, I know that's not what I'm doing. I had a boyfriend and during that relationship, I was entirely miserable because he was such a great guy and I didn't love him, not like that. I don't think I've ever loved a guy. I've liked guys, but never actually liked them for them, just what I wanted them to be. I've also had a lot of encounters with a lot of guys, hookups, fuck buddies, and the like. But the misconception I think a lot of people have, especially my ex-boyfriend, is that I'm damaged from that. That there's something in my past that has made me give up on love. I'm not hurt. I'm not trying to protect myself from love. If it comes down my way, maybe, but that's not my aim.

This isn't also "just a phase."

This isn't just an "oh I'm immature and will change in the future." If I do one day end up with a boyfriend or married, this doesn't make this a phase, it's a legitimate stage of my life. Marriage isn't the only end state. It isn't this inevitable end that is some sign of maturity. Growing up, my mom and my grandmother always told me that marriage was an option, but that's it. It's just simply one option that I have. Other family members that I've seen who've been married and have had kids tell me that they wish they hadn't and that I should make sure it's definitely what I want if I so choose it.

I know what I want. I know I like sleeping around. I like meeting different people, having different experiences, and being fulfilled in different ways with a myriad of people. I never shy away from being completely transparent about my sex life, to my friends and to those I sleep with. The only times I feel like I'm forcing it and trying to fit in is when I talk about relationships and that maybe I want to be in one. I feel like saying I want a relationship in the future makes me feel more normal, but I know that that's farther away from me.

I like being just me.

I like having a very separate identity. Even in my house and amongst my friends, I like being able to withdraw. I don't want to compromise my "me" to become a "we," and I only think that's selfish if I am like that in a "we" situation. I never feel lonely during the day, wishing I had someone to come along in my daily life, life cleaning, food shopping, or anything else. If I feel like I want company I only have to walk into my housemates' rooms and I'll be fine. I admit I'm a bit lonely at night. I like having a guy there to sleep with and who will stay the night. But I don't care about having "the" guy. I care about having "a" guy. Even in a relationship, you're not always going to have someone there for you when you want to be alone. Maybe because there's someone out there connected to you, you won't feel alone, but I don't know about that, personally.

So yes, I hookup.

Yes, I don't care if I see some of them again. Yes, I don't always know everything about them. Yes, I see multiple people at a time, sometimes in a single night. Yes, I'm free sexually in many ways. And yes, this might seem slutty to you.

But no, I don't want a relationship.

No, I do not need to be in a relationship. No, I do not need your approval as long as the guys I'm with understand the situation. And no, hooking up or having a fuck buddy does not mean I automatically will end up having feelings for them.

You can have your "one," but I just want my ones.

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Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

I Am A Hopeless Romantic Living In A World Where One-Night Stands Are The Norm

It's the little things.

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In today's society, it can certainly start to feel like no one takes love seriously anymore.

Whether it's that one couple who has broken up and gotten back together more times than you can count, the two friends-with-benefits no one can figure out, your local womanizer, or just hookups in general, love and lust are a huge part of specifically college life and culture.

As a hopeless romantic, being part of a generation that "just wants to have fun" can be really frustrating, especially when you just want to find something real. It is so easy for people to put on a fake act just to get what they want and sometimes this can be extremely hard to see through. I'm sure we've all had some kind of incident with someone who played nice but had ulterior motives and the sad truth is that it can be impossible to recognize a person's artificiality.

I am a hopeless romantic.

I have always classified myself as such, and it has remained true. Sure, I can make the most of the freedoms I have as a single college woman, but deep down I just want to find my person.

I've had my fair share of letdowns, and I think we all have, but being a hopeless romantic makes it that much more difficult to get past the "what ifs" and fantasies that come along with starting something with someone new. We may already have our hearts set on a person when they decide they've gotten what they wanted and leave.

For me, I find myself caught up in the little things that someone does. I have always been someone who picks up on small details in situations, and sometimes this works against me.

I pick up on the small facial expressions that he may not even realize he is making; the ones that tell you when their guard has been let down, even just for a split second.

I pick up on the way he sits our two cellphones side by side on the nightstand, taking care to line them up perfectly as if that's just their spot.

I pick up on the short moments of laughter where he actually lets himself laugh and forgets about the act.

I pick up on things, and sometimes I end up hurting because of it.

When it comes down to it, though, I wouldn't change the way that I am. I wouldn't change the fact that I find myself in the search for more in a society that mostly only offers me less.

The trait that tends to hurt me most is also the one that I value most. Even if noticing all the little things is something that contributes to my own heartache, I love those moments. There is something beautiful about those tiny things shared by two people, even if the connection ends there.

Sure, it can be hard. But so can everything.

It's just a matter of finding the beauty.

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5 Movie Sex Scenes That Would Never Go Down Like That In Real Life

There's a lot of time, scripts, makeup, and lights that are involved in these scenes that make them what they are, unlike the sex that happens in real life.

Dr King
Dr King
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When I was a child, my idea of sex was confined to what I saw in the media — two people rolling around underneath the sheets of their bed. I didn't understand what was going on at the time until my parents had the birds and the bees talk with me, but still, sex was not something that was discussed regularly in any setting so I couldn't help but use the movies and television as my main source for sex education. When I was a teenager, I started watching rom-coms so my idea of sex expanded to a scenario where two people who loved each other effortlessly fall into a euphoric experience and then they live happily ever after.

Then something about the idea I had changed as I watched the series premiere of "Secret Life of the American Teenager," a popular teen drama from ABC family about a girl who struggles with being a mother in high school. One of the first and most memorable scenes of the show is when Amy Juergens talks to her best friends about what it was like to have sex for the first time. Her friends were ecstatic for her at first until she revealed her dismay, telling them "I didn't exactly realize what was happening until, like, after two seconds, and then it was just over. And it wasn't fun and definitely not like what you see in the movies, you know, all romantic and stuff."

I heard those words and was immediately taken aback. As a 13-year-old, sex wasn't on my mind much, but I couldn't help but hope that I could experience the magic I saw on screen. Then eight years later I have sex for the first time and I realized that what she said was right...not about the part about it not being fun, but more-so about the part that sex is not actually like what is depicted in the movies.

Here are five examples in movies that created unrealistic sex scenes for its viewers:

1. "Skyfall"



This steamy scene between Bond and Severine make shower sex look passionate and trouble-free, but do its expectations match reality? No. What they don't show you is the sting from the water getting into your eyes, the awkward positions your bodies have to accommodate with if there's a significant height difference between you and your partner and the fact that water is a terrible substitute for lube because it strips away the natural lubrication your genitals produce.

2. "No Strings Attached"



Sometimes there are those moments when you want to have sex, but you don't have that much time on your hands so you have to fit in a quick session before work in the morning, in between classes, or right before the kids come back home. Though Natalie Portman's "O" face is spot on, the main thing that makes her quickie with Ashton Kutcher's unrealistic is that she still manages to climax after 45 seconds without any kind of foreplay, lube, or toys involved. The female orgasm is still possible during a quickie, but in real life, there will still have to be creative measures involved so that enough stimulation outside of penetration is involved to get her warmed up.

3. "Fifty Shades of Grey"



As much as I enjoyed the playfulness behind Ana and Christian dipping ice cream on each other's bodies and licking it off each other, I couldn't help but roll my eyes at how over exaggerated it became. Yes, I understand that when something feels good, a moan or some type of vocalization will happen, but getting some kisses and licks on your thighs isn't going to have you arching your back like a demon going through an exorcism.

4. "Mr. & Mrs. Smith"



Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's chemistry and passion in this scene is undeniable and it almost makes you want to start a fight with your partner just so you two can have some hot, angry sex just like them. Here's the problem though. They go from nearly killing each other to being boo'ed up like nothing happened. While angry sex can be a way for some couples to express emotions through adrenaline, it isn't the answer to our problems and shouldn't be a substitute for healthy communication.

5. "Titantic"



The moment in the movie when Kate Winslet's hand slams against the door of the car and drifts down as we stare at her steamy handprint and secretly wish we were sleeping with Leonardo DiCaprio will always be a classic. However, this scene is still a scam for those who hope car sex is as passionate and heartfelt as that. Truth be told, there's limited space to feel comfortable so leg cramps are inevitable and sliding against leather feels awful on your skin. To top things off, if you aren't careful enough, you may get caught by the police and ultimately have to register as a sex offender depending on your state's laws.

I truly hope for the day that sex in the media is represented in more of a realistic way, but until then, we just have to remember to take movies for what they are. Acting. There's a lot of time, scripts, makeup, and lights that are involved in these scenes that make them what they are, unlike the sex that happens in real life. As a matter of fact, sometimes sex isn't romantic. Sometimes it's not a fairy tale. There are times when it can be mind-blowing and other times when it's awkward, funny, or simply not what we expect. Do I appreciate fictional sex? Of course. But mainstream entertainment should also take the time to show us more than the sex we supposedly fantasize about and also show us sex that we can look at and see ourselves.

Dr King
Dr King

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