Don't Ghost Me And Then Text Me Like We're Cool

It always goes like this. Boy meets girl, whether it's IRL, in the DM or a match on a dating app and things go fetchingly well. Days go by, and maybe you guys met up, or maybe not, and suddenly, the texts start to decrease in both quantity and quality. In the end, he just stops responding and you decide, screw it, and unadd him on everything. You're bummed because you know you did literally nothing wrong to this guy. Everyone says it's him, not you, but a small part of you is hurt by being ghosted, and that slowly builds with each time this happens.

Out of nowhere, after you've moved on, he texts you again, with a simple hey. It's almost as if he never ghosted you to begin with! I'm the person to always give second chances, and most of the time when I do, they show me why they didn't deserve a second chance to begin with by repeating the same behaviors of the past. Some of us are smarter and call the guys out for their actions, or better yet, just ignore them as they ignored you.

After this happened to me multiple times this summer, I've wondered why; what's the psychology behind ghosting and why can't guys just be honest with a girl? It's the least they owe us. This behavior is so beyond childish and I'm so sick of it. How can you just drop a girl who's clearly into you, and then magically regain feelings months later when she's totally moved on from you?

It's hard to not care, I care about everyone and everything, even after they betray me somehow. It's good to care, it shows that I'm human, and you're human too. We shouldn't be ashamed to feel bad, but we shouldn't linger on it. We're stronger than we think we are.

I'm tired of watching myself get slowly ghosted, it's mentally draining and I don't deserve it and neither does the next girl. I don't understand how communication got so bad between guys and girls. A guy can't handle when a girl dishes what he gave to her back. They unfollow you and treat you like you're the bitch in the situation. Maybe I am a bitch for treating you like you treated me, but I just simply don't care anymore.

Why guys are so fickle with their feelings boggles my mind. I don't get how you can be so interested in a girl just to change your mind a few weeks or even days later. I know I'm an open person but I've really reigned back on how much I've ever open up anymore. My standards are high and I'm picky with everything in life, particularly men now more than ever.

SEE ALSO: I Asked 17 Guys Who Ghosted Me Why, And This Is What They Said

I won't settle for a guy who ghosted me three times because he's "sorry" and knows I'd go back to him without a second thought. There is a guy out there who's not going to ghost me and he's going to be the one keeping convos flowing and wanting to learn things about me that matter, like what I love for breakfast instead of what I'm doing at 3 am on a Saturday.

Let's get something straight. You'll always end up with a girl who seems great but isn't into you because you're ghosting everyone who is because you think there's always someone better out there. Chances are, months from now, you probably have realized this. It's a pity. She will take a lot of groveling and persuasion to ever look your way again. Maybe she'll give you a shot, but she more than likely won't, because she's a little stronger now.

You're old news and will continue to be old news if you keep treating girls like this. Ask your sister, or your best friend who happens to be a girl, how they'd feel if someone did this to them.

My hope is that guys grow out of this ghosting phase and start being real, whether it may hurt a girl or not. We'd rather be hurt than lead on, because that hurts longer and deeper.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

As Much As You May Want To, You'll Never Get Over Your First Love

You never forget your first


Your first love is just that: the first person you've ever truly loved (besides your family and friends). Maybe you've kissed a few people before, but with this person it's different. They mean something to you that no other person ever has before. Maybe you met this person when you were younger in high school or met them a little later in life as I did at the end of my first year of college. Meeting my first love transformed me, both for the good and the bad, and as much as I may want to, I'll never get over my first love and neither will you.

When we met, we didn't meet in some fantastical way, we met on Tinder right after a surprise breakup of mine. We had instant chemistry, and I didn't get to kiss him for weeks because I ended up getting mono right after the breakup (haha whoops). He was the first person I've ever kissed who I didn't want to stop kissing- ever. Yes, second semester freshman year me was super extra when it came to him, but being with him was so different than anyone else. Things progressed through the summer as we talked every single day, even though we never got to meet up because we were both busy, and at the beginning of my sophomore year, I lost my virginity to him. That was a big step for someone who thought she'd wait until she was married. He made sure I was fine and didn't push me to do anything I wasn't comfortable with. I'll treasure that forever.

He was someone I loved with all of my being, to the point where it was physically hurting me in the end because I knew what I felt wasn't going to ever be reciprocated the way I wanted it to be. That's when I had to end it, which was one of the hardest things I've ever done. To me, he was a boyfriend, but to him, I was a friend with benefits. I wanted something more and he wanted less, and I didn't want to accept that. I wasn't his first love but he was mine, which he doesn't know and probably never will. I have had moments where I thought I was over him, but then all the emotions flood right back. In hard moments of hurt is when I miss him the most, but also in moments of joy too. If I see a nice car I think of him, or of other little things, like a french bulldog or The Fast and The Furious.

Your first love leaves such a monumental effect on you as a person. They have seen parts of you others have not. You will always remember your firsts more than anything else, which is why your first love never leaves you. As roughly as things ended between he and I, he's always going to have a piece of me that no one else will ever have. The relationship we had wasn't what you'd expect from someone you call your first love, but his mark on me is what helped shape me into who I am today for better or for worse.

Don't let any negativity remain when it comes to your first love (if there is any). Let it go and remember the good. They will be a part of you forever, so you can never truly get over you.

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Why You Keep Falling In Love With People Who Don’t Love You Back In Your 20s

It's embedded in our human psychology to always desire deeper connections and meaningful relationships with the people we hold close to our heart, even if the feeling aren't necessarily mutual.


Can love truly be both beautiful and heartbreaking?

It's a question I silently asked myself, sitting shotgun in a car next to someone I considered my friend.

A "friend" seemed to be the right label to define our relationship. To him, I was just a friend—who just happened to be a girl, a girl he texts regularly, jokes around, and can grab a drink with. And we loved each other as friends, because we both trusted each other, we had fun together and each had our own independent lives which would connect occasionally in a complete, non-questionable platonic way.

But slowly, for me, he was becoming everything I've ever wanted in a guy, standing right in front of me. But he wasn't mine to have.

And imagine being so close to someone you want except you can't have him because it might just ruin everything you've already shared together. Because what if you scare him away? What if he replies by telling you "No"?

That's the simple nature of falling in love with someone you can't be with.

In our early part of our lives—particularly in our 20s and during our college years, we all experience this type of heartbreak.

To name a few: A high school boyfriend who lives halfway across the country now. The hot guy you sit next to in lecture who already has a girlfriend. The casual hookup who you just can't manage to stop thinking about as you endlessly toss and turn at night. The platonic friend who doesn't quite see you as being something more.

We all at one point in our thoughts have imagined "coupling" or sharing a life with a guy who we can't seem to have for ourselves. We've always dreamt how things could actually work out if you actually shared your feelings with him except the closest we'll ever reach to it is in our dreams, not reality.

And to examine the logic behind why this happens, we have to first admit how we always want what we can't have.

Because it's embedded in our human psychology to always desire deeper connections and meaningful relationships with the people we hold close to our heart, even if the feeling aren't necessarily mutual.

So, it's not really this case of the whole Romeo and Juliet "star-crossed lovers" BS but rather, it's purely a one sided love which can most definitely be beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. Beautiful because there's always a connection you feel which makes you all warm and bubbly inside but heartbreaking because you know this connection is merely flowing in a one way track.

So then, why do we tend to maintain our connections with these people who hurt us?

One reason is because you're afraid to lose him altogether. Perhaps you think he's going to go on full freak-out mode after you spill the beans to him. My piece of advice in this scenario would be to just suck it up and take the chance. Talk to him about how you feel because honestly, what's there to lose? Unless you're not reciting some sappy, over-the-top love story about how many kids you plan to have with him, you're fine.

But perhaps, the most common reason is because we assume he might eventually fall in love with us, too.

And if this pertains to you, gear up because I can write on for days about why this is a big no-no. Heck, I can probably teach a class or lecture to all of you about my elaborative theory of why you will definitely know whether a boy truly loves you or not. It's plain and simple—if he loves you, he'll make sure you know.

And you can't force someone to fall in love with you. Even if you pay them a million bucks, you can get them to pretend to love you or force them to be with you—but it's never going to be true love. Because true, unrequited love is effortless. It comes naturally. The fiery passion will be shared mutually and you won't ever have to question whether or not you belong with him.

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