To Those Unlucky With Love, It Will Find You When It's Ready

To Those Unlucky With Love, It Will Find You When It's Ready

Love is patient, love is kind — stop trying to rush it.

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Everybody's idea of love is different. Some people want a love that takes their breath away, that makes them feel lightheaded. Others want a love that's like being wrapped up in their favorite blanket or like basking in the sunshine- they want their love comfortable and carefree. Many of us know the love that is right for us. Sometimes, though, we have this ideal version of the type of love that we think we want, and that can hold us back from finding the love we truly need and crave.

I am no expert on love, and I will never claim to be. However, I consider myself pretty blessed to have a love that has proven true time and time again, that has lifted me up when I have been at my lowest, and that has grown and changed along with my boyfriend and myself. So, from my own experience, I have a few things to say to those that find themselves struggling to find a love worth keeping.

The most important thing to note about love is that everyone's love language is uniquely different to each relationship. Too often we compare our relationship to other couples', and all this does is lead to frustration, insecurity, and hurt feelings. Another person's relationship does not set the standard for how all relationships should be; just because one couple likes spontaneity does not mean you should feel insecure about enjoying your nights well-spent on the couch with your significant other. While we live in a culture that encourages competition, I believe that love should not be treated as a contest between couples. Focus on the happiness between you and your partner rather than worrying about what other's think of or how they view your relationship.

Another vital thing to realize is that love shouldn't take away your individuality. Your relationship, while it should be nurtured and given attention, should not leave you without any time for yourself. You are still your own person and a true love would not take that away from you. Instead of losing yourself and putting all of yourself into a relationship, a real love will help you grow into a better, happier you. A real love should make you feel confident in the person you are, inside and outside of the relationship.

Love is not perfect. I repeat, love is not perfect.

There will be arguments and hurt feelings, times you just need alone time, and moments when you and your significant other may just be a little out of sync. While a relationship should not be constantly filled with these downs, it's completely normal for love to have its fair share of low points. All love goes through some ups and downs, but what matters most is how you and your significant other react to those highs and lows. Make sure you always let the other know they are loved. Make sure you speak your truth even if it's hard to say. Don't just give up on a love because of a minor disagreement, and don't cling on to a love that disrespects and hurts you.

There isn't a time limit on love; you could have found the love of your life at sixteen or maybe you'll find them at sixty. Finding someone that makes you feel at home with just a brush of your fingertips can't be forced. Love takes patience and hope. You'll find your person one day. Until then, stop forcing things that just aren't meant to be.

Love will find you when its ready to.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

5 Questions To Ask Yourself When You're On The Fence With A Guy

Is he worth it?

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Whether you're contemplating if you want to continue your fling with a guy or contemplating breaking up with your boyfriend, there are always questions we're asking ourselves. Ranging from "is this right of me?" to "is this what will make me happy?" But if you are really sitting on the fence and don't know what to do next, check out these five questions you need to ask yourself if you're torn on what to do.

1. Do I want long term or short term?

This is a huge question to ask. If you're looking to settle down for a while, your guy may not want that. And it could always be the other way around as well. Make sure to decipher this with him so you both know what you want and no one gets a broken heart.

2. Can I see myself marrying this person?

I know this is a bold question to ask, especially if you're not dating. But really thinking about if you can see yourself with them for a long time can make it or break it. But say you're dating and you're on the fence of deciding you want to break up with them or not, think about if you can see yourself saying "I do" to them, and if you can't, let him go.

3. Can I see myself living with them/how do they live?

I've seen many people get engaged and move in together and later call it quits due to the way their partner lived. If you've been getting to know your guy for a while now and notices he lives like a pig, you may have to wonder if you'd be cleaning up those messes in the future.

4. How do they make me feel?

This question in a no brainer. If they make you feel bad, why even question continuing into the relationship.

5. Are they worth it?

Is he worth it? I know I have had some experiences when I was on the fence with a couple of guys and I've had to ask myself the same question. And when I'd question if he was worth it or not, my gut feeling always came out right. If you're looking to keep him around, always ask yourself if he's worth it.

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Girls, You NEED To Understand That Fuckboy Texting You ‘wyd’ 24/7 Will Never Give You A 24 Karat Ring

I finally managed to crack the code as to why your casual hookup will never try to make you his wife.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong
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There are five unofficial steps of hookup culture: Find a guy. Get to know him a little bit, but not too much (because you have to keep "boundaries," remember?) Make a pact to keep things "casual" and promise to still be "friends" with each other. Then, hookup with him. And keep hooking up with him without any emotional attachment — just over and over again and never expect anything more.

From a birds eye view, hookup culture seems so harmless. I mean, what's more convenient than having a booty call at your doorstep with the swipe of a screen? When you want to hook up, all you have to do is shoot that 2 a.m. "U Up?" text.

Hell, I even wrote a whole article about the perfect FWB situation.

Yet suddenly—here I am, Elle Hong, resident "Uncuffed" writer on Swoon and self proclaimed fuckgirl who glorifies hookup culture above anything else, catching feelings and falling for the wrong guys just like any other girl out in the world.

Consider this blasphemy. Or maybe I'm just dying to make a confession.

A confession that I, too, have experienced the feeling of wondering why I was never enough for the guys I hooked up with. Why they never chose me over the girls they would eventually form serious relationships with and why to them I only was nothing more than a casual hookup.

So, I thought about it. I critically analyzed it. I "Aristotle-d" my way into trying to find an answer behind the impossible question of wondering why I was never considered to be anything more. Over the past few weeks, it essentially became my new research topic and now, I finally managed to crack the code as to why your casual hookup will never try to make you into wifey material. Here's why.

First and foremost: Guys usually (but not always) choose to hookup with girls who they don't see as anything more.

Now, keep in mind I'm not saying that guys will NEVER fall in love with the girls they hookup with because it can happen. It's life. Life is unpredictable. No doubt, people have fallen in love on Tinder and married a random match who just happened to become The One. But we all know what Tinder is really for. Generally speaking, guys will seek random hookups with the types of girls they think are "easy" and if they're desperate enough, it's definitely not going to be someone they view as their future wife.

If he thinks you're cute, you're within 10 miles radius and you can hold a conversation, it doesn't matter what your annual salary is or how many siblings you got—he wants one thing and it's to get you in bed. And until a guys find this girl who captures his heart and inevitably makes him want to settle, he's going to go around hooking up with random girls left and right. So in this case, it's not your fault. You're just with the wrong type of guy who only thinks of you as his sexual conquest.

See also: Guys want to settle with girls that don't go around hooking up with other people.

Ironic as hell because I just talked about why guys would never want to settle, period. But think about it—guys are humans with rational thoughts and animalistic desires. When they find their territory, they mark it. Once he finds a girl who is the one, he never wants to let her go. And he never wants to see that girl be with another guy or god forbid, go around hooking up with other guys. So here's the moral of the story to get my point across: I hate to break it to you, but bragging about how many other guys you're f*cking outside of your current FWB situationship isn't going to help develop the relationship any further.

Finally: A girl's "hoe phase" might seem empowering but for guys they see it as a threat.

Thanks to the wonderful millennial encyclopedia that we call Urban Dictionary, we have a definition behind this certain life style: A phase in life which occurs when a girl goes around social settings exploring herself, committing promiscuous acts and connecting with random people. For girls, it seems pretty damn empowering, doesn't it? For us it's a chance to let loose, to live a lil bit more and to run around as independent women. Nothing wrong with that of course.

But for guys to perceive this type of lifestyle, they see it as a threat which could arise if they form a relationship with you. It's simple logic here. A girl who's in her "hoe phase" is more likely to be unfaithful since they're always out and about with this person and that person. Put it this way: a guy doesn't care if you're a hoe—but he only wants you to be HIS hoe and not everyone else's. So you might think that it's a great way to express yourself and to enjoy your college years, but keep in mind that it could possibly be holding you back from taking the next step with your casual FWB.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

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