Handling a Struggling Significant Other
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7 Ways To Help a Struggling Significant Other

What to do, and what not to do, when your significant other is burdened with a battle.

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When it comes to your significant other, and your loved ones in general, the last thing you want is for them to be in any kind of pain. Because of this, becoming aware of the fact that your significant other is struggling can be very emotionally taxing—for both of you.

Based on my own experiences, identifying the best ways to go about helping your loved ones can be a slippery slope, and can result in you feeling like you are carrying the weight of the world, and feeling guilty for even feeling that way. Whether it be depression, anxiety, eating disorders, substance abuse, or anywhere between or beyond, when your significant other is struggling, it can take a major toll not only on them, but on you, and on your relationship.

If this sounds like you, you are not alone. Here are a few approaches to the situation that I believe bring about the greatest benefit for both sides.

1. Be there.

If your S.O. is struggling, the number one thing you can do to help them is simply to be there. Be there for them. Make it clear that you are right by their side and ready to support them in any way you can. Be their safe place when they feel like they have none, and allow them to vent to you, judgment free. If they have confided in you about their struggles, they obviously feel extraordinarily comfortable around you, as should be the case. Make sure they know you are willing and ready to be a shoulder to cry on and a source of safety.

2. Offer advice (when asked for it).

Advice, though helpful, can also come off as pushy if you haven't been prompted to offer your input. When your S.O. does ask you for your thoughts, give them just that. Do your best to articulate your feelings candidly and clearly—overcomplicating your ideas might end up just adding to their stress. If, once you voice your opinions, you S.O. rejects what you've said, do not let it spiral into a bigger argument. A "my way or the highway" attitude is often not the best road to go down. You are not in their position, nor have you ever been exactly, exactly where they are right now. Most likely, you cannot fully comprehend their struggle because of this, and it can result in a disconnect. This is why it is vital that you make your suggestions, but also show acceptance if those suggestions are not embraced the way you expected.

3. Listen. JUST listen.

Contrary to the tip above, sometimes a person wants to be just listened to. Nothing more. AKA—try not to spew unwanted opinions and unneeded input, and just listen. Let them vent and get everything out of their system. Sometimes this can actually be an incredible way for them to relieve their stress, as, for some, there is comfort to be found in knowing someone you trust so fully is now aware of your situation. Listen, accept, and support.

4. Do not forget your own life.

When you are immersing yourself in the strife of another in hopes of helping them, it can be easy to forget your own needs and responsibilities. The last thing you need when aiding another person is to put aside your own needs and ultimately let yourself fall into a negative spiral. If you are committing yourself to help your S.O. get through their struggles, you need to make sure you are remaining in tune with your body and mind so that you can continue to be strong, both for yourself, and for whoever you are choosing to offer that strength to. Keep up with your day to day tasks and to-dos that you have made part of your daily routine. Keep up with your personal responsibilities. Do not throw your whole life up into the air in order to devote the entirety of your time to help another. You need to continue living your life for yourself, because if you start living a life that is completely centered around someone else, the result can be a dangerous form of codependency that leaves both of you feeling desperate and defeated.

5. Help yourself heal, too.

Going along with the above, it is important to remember that you should not be breaking yourself in order to heal someone else, regardless of how important that "someone else" is to you. If you feel yourself giving up all you have in order for them to be okay, I cannot stress enough how important it is to really, thoroughly analyze your situation to make sure that you are still the strong, healthy, happy person that you were going into this. While the health and happiness of your S.O. is incredibly important too, you need, need to make sure you aren't completely sacrificing your own. I know how it feels to feel like the most important thing in your life is making sure your S.O. is okay, but it is just as important to maintain your own wellbeing. Do not neglect yourself in order to help them. Find a healthy balance between the two, or temporarily take a step back to regain your health if you find that you have lost it.

6. Pay no heed to hypotheticals.

While it is good to plan ahead and prepare for what might happen, do not get caught up in what ifs. Doing so is an easy way to drive yourself absolutely insane in any situation. It is so, so easy to allow yourself to ponder and come up with an endless amount of hypothetical situations in your head, imagining the worst that could happen and dwelling on it. Letting yourself get into this habit will not only cause you emotional stress, but can also result in you dealing with sky high levels of anxiety. If you continue to constantly dwell on negative "what if" possibilities, you may find yourself unable to go about your day without feeling overwhelmingly worried every second. Try to ignore the hypotheticals that you either conjure up on your own, or that appear out of thin air simply as a result of what you and your S.O. are dealing with.

7. Make the most out of what you have

Despite the negativity and complications that life throws your way, attempt to make the most out of what you have. I don't think people meet by accident. I think everything happens for a reason and everyone you meet is someone who came into your life for a reason. In the end, it all boils down to one thing: love. It's messy, and complicated, and exhausting at times, but it's also beautiful, and something you shouldn't take for granted. You and your S.O. have been lucky enough to find it together—don't let a temporary obstacle ruin what you have. Make the most of it, and it will make the most for you.

Maybe you are in this situation because the universe knew the two of you were strong enough to get through it, rather than allowing two, more tired souls to take on the struggle. Maybe it's all a test of love, or maybe it's just meant for the two of you to come out on the other side, stronger after surviving the storm. Whatever it is, believe in your heart that everything will be okay, and everything will be just that: okay.

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