Just How Much Should You Reveal About Your Past Relationships To Your Current Partner?
2145
views

We all want to know the answer to this question. When you first get together with someone new, everything is bright and shiny and exciting. But then, something about a past relationship comes up and suddenly you feel caught. You don't know how much you should say and how much you need to keep to yourself.

Some romantic partners come off as really jealous and possessive, which might force you to maybe withhold more information than you intended too. Others seem to want to know every little detail. Navigating this is hard, and unfortunately, there's no way around it.

So, how much do you tell your partner about your past loves? The answer is really more simple than we think.

You tell them only as much as you're comfortable with.

That's it. That's the answer. No relationship can work without trust, and when it comes to spilling out all of the secrets and memories of previous relationships, that's not always the easiest thing to do. The best solution is to take your time and tell them what you want to tell them when you feel as though the time is right. There is no need to force the conversation, and you should never let your partner force you into telling them anything.

In a previous relationship, I was with someone who came off as sweet and charming but was really insecure. He demanded to know every little detail of what had happened with the boyfriend before him, even though there was about a year in between the two relationships. His prying and forcefulness actually broke us up. Though we ended up getting back together, it was hard to forget the uncomfortable feeling that I got whenever he said my ex's name and asked questions. He made it almost impossible to share and I actually started to feel ashamed of my memories.

So I started giving vague details and keeping the rest to myself. In all honesty, I no longer felt like sharing. Every time he would ask another question and a new minuscule detail would come up, he would jump at me and tell me that I had lied to him, that I wasn't being entirely honest. It was terrible, and it just about broke my trust in our relationship.

That's just not the way that things should be. You tell what you're okay with talking about. When talking to someone who loves and respects you, the words will flow in their own time.

Now, I have no problem telling my significant other stories about who I was with. He trusts that I will tell him what he needs to know and now we just laugh about it. When you tell someone that respects you, it makes a world of difference. There is no more feeling uncomfortable or like you have anything that you need to hide because at the end of the day, they are your memories. What happened in the past, is the past and there's no reason to ever let that hinder your future.

If you're worried about your partner's past significant others, take a step back and ask yourself why it matters so much to you. Are you worried about losing them if their ex comes back into the picture? Do you think that they haven't completely moved on? Or are you just being possessive?

With that being said, the moral of the story here is to let things come in time. Trust your gut when you feel comfortable and don't ever let anyone force you into telling them anything.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

Being Far Away From My Boyfriend Actually Strengthened Our Relationship Instead Of Forcing It Apart

While we were apart, we became closer.

911
views

Before I really start this article, I just want to say that my relationship isn't truly a long distance relationship. We are both college students at the same university eight months out of the year, but the other four months we live quite a distance apart. Even during those four months, we are only about 150 miles from each other as the bird flies, but really about three hours from each other.

Being in a relationship where I'm not able to see my boyfriend every day or even every week has been a real challenge. But it's been a good challenge. It hasn't been a challenge because I've felt unfaithful or fallen out of love with him in any way. It's challenging because I miss him. We both work jobs and our schedules aren't the same and oftentimes we aren't able to talk to each other unless it's early in the morning or late at night. There are times when all I want to do is talk to him and tell him about how my day went and get a big bear hug from him. Unfortunately, I'm not really able to do this.

I firmly believe that being apart from each other for days, weeks, or even months have brought us closer than we could've ever imagined. We knew that this would be difficult, and we knew that there would be bad days, but we decided to power through it. It has made each time that we are able to see each other so much more special and meaningful.

Seeing each other has become more of spending time with each other than just laying around on the couch playing around on our phones. It's become really getting to know each other better and catching up on all the things we had missed. It's become a time for us to simply be in each other's presence and enjoy being able to talk face to face without a phone in the middle of us. We go on more adventurous dates, we take more pictures, and I think we would both easily say that we fall more and more in love with each other after each opportunity we have to spend time together.

Spending time together is no longer a daily activity, but it has become a right to be earned through hard work and several paychecks as travel can become expensive. We no longer take opportunities to see each other for granted, and it has made us grow closer because we aren't able to spend time together often. We look forward to the days when we won't have to worry about being apart but know that this is only a stepping stone in our relationship.

OMG, check these out

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

It’s Harder FINDING Someone Who Wants To Be In A Relationship Than Actually Being In One

Oh millennials, we have made a mess of the dating scene...

1209
views

I got super lucky once.

I wasn't looking for a guy, but I happened to find the exact one who wanted a long relationship. It's always when you least suspect it, isn't it? I'm newly single, but not quite ready to mingle.

Sure, there are plenty of new fish in the sea, but even they aren't sure if they are ready to sink or swim yet.

No, it doesn't have to be hard to have a relationship. I did long-distance on-and-off for four years, but we pushed through it because we cared about the relationship.

People can make it really tough on themselves to find that perfect person. It makes sense, we all want the right person that fits all of our needs and checks all of our boxes. But I think we as a society are a little more flawed than that. We also have needs of our own and those needs can really get in the way of our time together.

Say you find a person you could see yourself really being with. They will be there for your crying sessions, when you fail a test, when a loved one dies. But will they be there to also lift you up in your darkest moments and laugh together at every free moment? It seems a lot to ask of somebody, but in reality, it's just living.

Avril Lavigne was right, "why do you have to go and makes things so complicated?" In the long run, you'll always be upset if you keep up a checklist that no one can master. I'm finding out myself that not everyone is able to fulfill the basic requirements of a fun loving and easygoing boyfriend, but there is hope that one day, someone will.

OMG, check these out

Facebook Comments