I guess you could say I'm a lover. I love to show affection, I love to show my significant other I appreciate them by either making them dinner or simply buying a little something that will remind me of them. I tend to get attached pretty easily if I really like you.
I was in a very mentally abusive relationship a couple of years ago. And it messed me up pretty badly... it basically ruined dating for me for the rest of my life since I'm always scared that it's going to happen again.
I've had a boyfriend and a couple of "things" here and there since the abusive relationship, but for some reason, I always catch myself "begging" for love or attention in some sort of way since I felt the need for some type of reassurance.
It literally drained me to beg for love. I felt like I wasn't good enough, I was doing things wrong or there was someone else they were giving their attention to. And I knew better not to ask for attention if they didn't want to give me the time of day, but I was in love with them and wanted that comfort from them.
I was asking for compliments, asking for text messages, I was asking for everything that shouldn't be asked for. All I wanted was to feel wanted.
I put my time and my soul into everything and got nothing back and I thought it was normal. It made me way more intrigued in the relationship because I felt like it was my fault. The more I look back on this, the more I realized how weak I was. I realized I never deserved any of that and that I shouldn't have put so much time and effort into someone who wasn't 100 percent sure about me.
I look back on this and realize that I'm young. I have my whole life ahead of me. When you have to beg for love, it's not love.
Someday, I will find the one who makes me feel wanted and appreciated without begging for it.
Follow Swoon on Instagram.