You never forget the moment it happens. It's almost as if for a split second, numbness courses through your veins trying to shield every part of you from feeling the unexplainable pain that's about to hit. But, before you can even finish the thought, your eyes begin to sting, as a tsunami of salty waves fall violently down your cheek, staining the path they traveled until they've reached your chin.
And just like that, the tears dissipate onto the pillow, just like the relationship so silently dissipated into nothingness. Like an earthquake, the crying becomes aggressive as you gasp for air while wailing on the floor. Your grip tightens onto the nearest object as if holding something will feel like holding them. As if clinging onto the blanket for dear life will breathe life back into the relationship you once had.
And that lasts.
The scenarios replay like an old record that gets stuck repeating the chorus of the song. Except it's your least favorite song. "Fine" is the word you can muster up when people ask how you're doing because any more than that and you'll once again be met with the tsunami you so desperately want to escape.
You wonder why their version of fine seems much better than yours. The smile in their pictures looks real. And with the uncorking of the wine, begins the uncorking of your thoughts and you tailspin into oblivion wondering how you cared for someone so much more than they cared for you.
But like winter into spring, once in a while, sunshine appears amongst your scattered forecast of rain.
You realize you fell asleep for the first time without the tsunami. Your smile becomes real too. And eventually, piece by broken piece, you Gorilla Glue the shards of your heart back together.
Don't move too fast though, the glue needs to set. But I promise, the glue does set and once again, you'll be whole.
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