​There’s A Difference Between Being In Love And Loving Someone, Please Know That

​There’s A Difference Between Being In Love And Loving Someone, Please Know That

Love is hard to figure out. Don't get it confused with something it isn't.
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When deciding to write this, I had a hard time deciding how to approach this.

See, millennials, including myself, have a hard time figuring out the secret to love. How a couple finds that perfect love, have a family, and eventually grow old together.

We search and yearn for that feeling but confuse it with short-termed happiness. Here is my definition of love that I’ve observed to be true to myself.

To me, love is an emotion that shouldn’t disappear. I feel like if one falls out of love, then they never really loved in the first place. Sure, they fell in love, but they didn’t truly love. They said their ‘I love you’ for a month and lived in that bliss and happiness, but then realized it wasn’t what they wanted.

Love lasts. When you love someone, you really know it because everything about them is shown to you from a new perspective. You love everything they were, are, and will be. You love the future they have planned for themselves. You love the double chin they get when they’re looking at their phone. You love hearing about their life, and most importantly, you stand by them when things aren’t so pretty. You want what they want, and if you don’t you work your hardest to find a way around it.

Love isn’t controlling. I believe that you really don’t love the person when you tell them they can’t talk to certain people, can’t tell them where to go and what to do. A relationship isn’t one bossing the other around in a manipulative way that causes misery and fights. Of course, there are relationships where one person is more headstrong than the other, and that’s normal, but there’s a line that many crosses. A line they believe they must cross because they “love” their boyfriend/girlfriend and want to make sure they stick around.

Being in love and loving someone are two different things. When you’re in love, you’re in love with the idea of it. You love how your relationship looks to other people. You love posting about it every second and telling people how happy you are. There’s nothing wrong with that, but sometimes the façade gets out of hand and you won’t show how your relationship actually is.

And how is it really? That’s not up to me to decide. I had a relationship like that once. I loved how we looked together on Instagram and out in public, and I loved it. I didn’t love how he spoke to me and treated me behind the scenes, and how he treated other people. I loved the idea of not being alone and having the idea of a boyfriend I could show off, but I didn’t love him.

Love isn’t perfect. No relationship is perfect no matter how hard people try to make it.

We millennials work hard to find that love but are swept up in the imagination of a life with a house, kids, dog, house, and a perfect relationship. We want that so bad that we rush into love without thinking of the after-effect. The after-effect being that misery is the center of your relationship, but you two are so determined to have someone so you just put up with it. You don’t want to find that love because love is harder and takes longer, and pain is involved.

Love doesn’t happen in 10 days like Kate Hudson says it does. Love is work, but most importantly it’s worth it.

Cover Image Credit: Pixnio

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

An Open Letter To The Girl In A Toxic Relationship Who Doesn't See The Signs To Let Go

"it took letting go to realize that I was holding onto nothing" -R.H Sin

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Dear you,

I hope you're doing well. I once thought I was too. I once thought that if he would just change, for me, everything would work. However, my sweet girl, you should not have to change people, you should not have to push people to be better, for you. You cannot help anyone, that does not want to help themselves.

In the movies, we learn to love a bad boy that needs changing. However, it isn't always your job to be boys saving grace. However, his shaming and emotional abuse is not just something you should put up with so that you can love him. That is not loving.

Love is not a constant competition of who could belittle the other one first. Love is not asking for a hug and being told no. Love does not make you feel stupid for bringing up things that hurt your feelings.

Love does not grow angry because you talk to your mom about your feelings. Love does not body shame. Love does not constantly change the passcode to their phone.

Love does not laugh when you find out they're unfaithful. Love does not tell you that you are not smart enough to accomplish anything. Love does not force their hand up your thigh when the words "no" slip out of your mouth.

Love is the warmth of a hand on your cheek when you get anxious. Love is getting your backpack out the car for you. Love is turning around when you need them. Love compromises.

Love is encouraging. Love is proud. Love is forgiving. Love sees you for who you are. Love knows you are worthy.

God is your Father and you are His daughter, so do not believe for one second that this abuse is the love you think you deserve.

Love will not always be easy. Love will be challenging and a constant prayer to not anger so quickly.

However, do not mix up challenging with the abuse. If you are losing the good pieces of yourself, then it isn't love. I know that you put a lot of time and effort into this relationship, but it is no good, you are holding on to someone whose heart is not in the right place to love you.

I connected with a poem from R. H. Sin, once I left my toxic relationship which reads, "it took letting go to realize that I was holding onto nothing."

Darling girl, you are so loved by so many people, do not let this relationship hold you back or make you feel less worthy than you are. I have always been the girl with her nose stuck up in the air smelling for smoke, to follow the trail to a burning house to find a boy that needed saving, but it is more than likely a boy that lit the fire in the first place and needs changing.

So, do not be me, be better. Be the girl that lights her own world on fire, for her work, for her family, for God. You are you and you are amazing, so do not fear being without him.

You will feel as if you have come up for air after drowning in an ocean that you had no idea you were swimming in.

The emotional abuse that this boy has put you through and maybe even physical abuse will leave you building walls around your heart. It will make other relationships hard, but you are so so strong.

You will meet someone that makes you so happy and feel so easy to love, you will never understand how you stuck around with the one that hurt you for so long.

You deserve to grow from this, and I promise you will.

Let go.

xoxo,

The girl who learned from a toxic relationship

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Being Far Away From My Boyfriend Actually Strengthened Our Relationship Instead Of Forcing It Apart

While we were apart, we became closer.

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Before I really start this article, I just want to say that my relationship isn't truly a long distance relationship. We are both college students at the same university eight months out of the year, but the other four months we live quite a distance apart. Even during those four months, we are only about 150 miles from each other as the bird flies, but really about three hours from each other.

Being in a relationship where I'm not able to see my boyfriend every day or even every week has been a real challenge. But it's been a good challenge. It hasn't been a challenge because I've felt unfaithful or fallen out of love with him in any way. It's challenging because I miss him. We both work jobs and our schedules aren't the same and oftentimes we aren't able to talk to each other unless it's early in the morning or late at night. There are times when all I want to do is talk to him and tell him about how my day went and get a big bear hug from him. Unfortunately, I'm not really able to do this.

I firmly believe that being apart from each other for days, weeks, or even months have brought us closer than we could've ever imagined. We knew that this would be difficult, and we knew that there would be bad days, but we decided to power through it. It has made each time that we are able to see each other so much more special and meaningful.

Seeing each other has become more of spending time with each other than just laying around on the couch playing around on our phones. It's become really getting to know each other better and catching up on all the things we had missed. It's become a time for us to simply be in each other's presence and enjoy being able to talk face to face without a phone in the middle of us. We go on more adventurous dates, we take more pictures, and I think we would both easily say that we fall more and more in love with each other after each opportunity we have to spend time together.

Spending time together is no longer a daily activity, but it has become a right to be earned through hard work and several paychecks as travel can become expensive. We no longer take opportunities to see each other for granted, and it has made us grow closer because we aren't able to spend time together often. We look forward to the days when we won't have to worry about being apart but know that this is only a stepping stone in our relationship.

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