I've been with my significant other for over three years now, and there are so many times I wish I could temporarily go back to our beginning stages just to feel a few things twice. It's crazy to think how we were when we first met, compared to how we are now. It's not to say I don't love this stage of our relationship just as much, but some things change and it's fun to reminisce.
If it was possible, I'd go back for a brief while. I'd feel what I wanted to feel, and relive what I wanted to relive. Then I'd come back to the present and continue planning out the rest of our lives together.
1. I'd go back to “not knowing."
There was a time when we were dating that I didn't know if I'd spend forever with him. Each day that came was a day I got to learn about whether or not this guy was going to be a good husband/friend. I got excited about the fact he didn't know, and neither did I. It was up to the two of us to engage on these random adventures and see if we wanted to continue taking these adventures with one another for the rest of our lives.
I liked not knowing a thing about him. I didn't realize he got bored if we binged watched TV all day, and I had no idea he liked his bacon extra crispy and not just regular like I preferred.
Back scratches and washing his hair would begin to become his weakness.
He'd do anything for his sister.
He depended on humor to get out of uncomfortable situations.
I just didn't know these things, and sometimes I wish I could relearn them so maybe I could fall in love twice.
2. Random, flirty moments.
It may not even dawn on you that you don't flirt with your partner like you did in the beginning—if at all. I freaking miss this the most. Don't get me wrong, we make each other feel wanted in different ways now, but just once I'd take back the feeling of “God you looked so sexy tonight" over the kiss goodbye, and “have a nice day at work!"
Those are appreciated too, and I love knowing he cares, but the desire I felt at the beginning stages was momentarily released through our flirty texts/snaps and random late nights. I wouldn't mind rewinding time for a while just to get that chance again.
I am a sexter. I love texting at inappropriate times just knowing I made someone uncomfortable enough to make them lose focus in their workday. Sexting was our thing. We did it constantly. Whether I was going to see him in 10 minutes, I was at work, he was at work, or one of us was with our family. It made when we were together that much hotter, and I looked forward to teasing him throughout the day and pleasing him later. We have our moments, but for the most part, we save that stuff for later now.
The future wifey in me is overly proud of him because he has managed to move so far up in work that having his phone on him through the day isn't doable. I would never be mad at him for this, but I can't say I wouldn't jump at the chance to live a few days back in our sexting lives. We were freaks, and we liked it.
4. Figuring out what we liked in the bedroom.
It's good to know what your partner likes, so for that reason, I believe that we actually please one another better now than we did before. We know what not to do, and what to do a little more often at just the right times. Sometimes for me though, it was fun pressing a few buttons and seeing what would happen.
I liked not knowing, then when I finally got it right, seeing on his face and feeling in his body that I was the reason for it. I did it all on my own and I didn't need him coaching me through it. Experimenting for me is half the fun. A lot of the stuff we tried I didn't even know if I'd like it. Some stuff I thought I'd hate that I actually really enjoyed, while others were a big: Nah, no thanks, I'm good—not again. We know now, and though part of me is happy we do because it saves us that uncomfortable talk, I also enjoyed playing around and guessing a bit here and there.
5. Living apart.
Before I get shit for this one—I love living with my man. It has its pros and cons, but mainly comes with a lot of pros that heavily outweigh the few cons. We wake up, and get ready together, then lay down and fall asleep with one another. There is a sense of security in this that I have never felt before. I often say that if something would ever happen and we weren't together anymore, I would have a hell of a time learning how to fall asleep alone again.
Sometimes I miss driving to see him from my own house. I thought about our entire night before it even happened. I got to envision what it would be like to sleep at his house, next to him in his bed, and wake up to him beside me. The first time this happened was surreal. I had never stayed the night at a guy's house before, so he was my first. I would do anything to play that night over again and have a few more nights like that.
Our relationship is significantly different now, but going back would mean more than just some butterflies and a hot sext.
Going back would mean I wouldn't get to watch him fall apart when his dog ran away, only to see how amazingly warm his smile was when I found him the next morning.
Going back would mean I wouldn't have experienced him asking me to spend the rest of my life with him and knowing that him asking me meant he was sure there wasn't another person in the world he would choose to spend forever with.
Going back would mean I wouldn't know how capable I was of loving someone, and that feeling outweighs all the excitement from the beginning stages of our relationship and is enough for me to want to keep aiming for the future indefinitely.