I Thought That I'd Be Married By Now, But I'm Not, And That's OK

I Thought That I'd Be Married By Now, But I'm Not, And That's OK

I always dreamed I’d have a husband by now, and would be starting to talk about children. Instead, I have a heaping pile of failed relationships, and an apartment that doesn’t have enough closet space.
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The holidays always have a way of making people reflect on things. You stare down relatives at the dinner table, trying and failing to deflect questions about your relationship status.

You half-heartedly speak of breakups and the lack of man you have at your side. Most of all, you swallow it up; your pride and your ego.

The truth is, I thought that I’d be married by now. I never thought I’d be staring down my 27th birthday with nothing to really show for it.

I always dreamed I’d have a booming career, a husband and would be starting to talk about children and a family at this age. Instead, I have a job that I’ve been referring to as “temporary” for the last four years, a heaping pile of failed relationships and an apartment that doesn’t have enough closet space.

Where did my plans go? Where did that “dream guy” escape to? I’ve been in love, so I know what that feels like and is. So what happened?

How am I still here, year after year, facing Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s alone while my friends parade around engagement rings, ultrasounds and holiday cards with gleaming smiles? While I sit in my apartment with my dog, sipping wine like tea, fighting the urge to send my ex a text message.

The thing is

I’m not some pathetic, lonely cat lady who doesn’t have a social life. I have amazing friends and coworkers, I have people to spend my time with and am comfortable coming home to be by myself.

Often times, I relish in it. No one to bother me or share the covers with. I don’t have to close the bathroom door or do anyone else’s dishes. I’m responsible for only myself.

But somehow, the holidays make me wish there was more. I watch "It’s A Wonderful Life" and pray for a guy like George Bailey to come in and sweep me off my feet. A man who offers me the moon and is OK with living simply.

I wish there were words to describe this feeling. This literal physical exhaustion at your friends' happiness. Don’t get me wrong, I am so SO happy for my friends and the lives they lead.

I’m grateful they have found love and have people to spoil them on the holidays and spend time together, but there are still moments where I’m a bit jealous. A few quiet sighs after happy texts of smiling couples and a few bitter groans when you’re trying to make plans for New Year’s but you’re stuck being the third, fifth or seventh wheel...AGAIN.

The truth is, I really thought I’d be married by now, and it’s not because I need marriage to give me value or because I’m trying to force some sort of timeline.

I am independent and smart, and I can take care of myself. It’s because I am happy where I am in life, and I want someone to share it with.

It’s because I have dreams I want to achieve that I never pictured doing alone. It’s because every time I hold one of my friends’ sweet toddlers, I get baby fever.

I wasn’t the girl who wanted to be married with children by 22, but I at least thought I’d have a true, genuine, relationship at 26. I thought I’d at least have someone to grab dinner with after work and go to holiday parties together. I at least thought I’d have a boyfriend to meet the family for Christmas.

I realize that as a feminist these are not necessary things, but it doesn’t make my heart long for them any less.

I thought that I’d be married by now, and that’s OK. I’m allowed to be disappointed. I’m allowed to pray for love. And perhaps next year... I'll have it.
Cover Image Credit: Pexels

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

To My Future Fiance, If You’re Proposing To Me For The Instagram Content, Have Fun Posting A Video Of Me Saying ‘No’

Whoever you are, take notes for future reference.

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OK, OK, he can propose to me in public, but if it's a grand event that has nothing to do with my character, then 100% I'm saying, "No, try again."

I hope that one day someone special has my heart and wants to spend the rest of their life with me. But I want them to really know who I am. Inside and out and all around. I'm not a showy person, I'm not into social media, and I don't want a 20-carat ring. There's nothing wrong with any of those things, but it's never been for me. It's just not me.

I'm never going to do anything because someone else or the general society thinks or says I should do it. I like to defy society and do what's best for me. Even if I do something that is acceptable by society's standards, I'm not doing it for them, I'm doing it for me. I always say, "If someone wants to get to know me then they shouldn't judge what they see, read, or hear, they should just say, 'Hi,' and we can go from there." I don't post something for others to see, I post it for myself. Because it makes me feel good. Because I impulsively want to.

So, I want my fiancé's initial feeling of complete and absolute love to be blurted out to me ASAP. You don't have to keep your passions hidden while you plan a huge fiasco with balloons and confetti and "Will you marry me?" clouds in the sky. I don't need that for you to tell me you love me.

My dream proposal would be us cooking and taste tasting dinner, dancing, and singing to our favorite song when you just pause to look at me and ask, "You wanna get married?"

Of course, I'd question if you're being serious or not, but if we've already discussed the future and our hearts are in the right place, I'd melt in your arms.

You're not proposing to me to show off our love to your Facebook friends. You're proposing to me because you want nothing else but me. If you want to plan something special afterward, go ahead. Thoughtful surprises make me feel so special, but make sure that it's planned for me.

My long-distance boyfriend recently surprised me with a visit by calling my parents to figure out just how to leave me open-mouthed. I realized how much I appreciated the planning and arrangement. No one has ever done that for me before and I won't lie, I loved it. I wouldn't mind a fun proposal. I would be eternally grateful for the thought behind it, but I want the initial question to be intimate, personal, and tailored for me.

At the end of the day, sure, the proposal can be out and about in public, but I want the focus to be us. Not just me or you, but our relationship and our future. I don't care if other people don't think you love me enough because the proposal wasn't a showstopper. I know how you feel about me and that's all that matters.

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16 Wedding Gifts Under $50 That'll Have Any Wedding Guest Say 'I Do'

Because being on a budget doesn't mean you have to arrive at a wedding empty-handed.

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If you're on a budget but have a wedding to go to, it can be hard to find an affordable wedding gift you can buy for the bride and groom. You don't want to show up empty-handed, but you also don't want to spend an arm and a leg on a gift when there are plenty of other people attending who are better off affording certain items. (A good rule of thumb? Always try to "pay for your plate" — or the cost of what the bride and groom likely paid for you to be there.)

Most of the time, there are lots of things you can find on a registry under $50. Whether it be towels, a waffle maker or oven mitts, you can usually find SOMETHING in your price range. If not, this list is for you.

Brides-to-be: Here is a list of things to add to your wedding registry for your broke AF friends.

Broke friends: Here is a list of things to get if everything on your friend's list is way out of your price range.

1. Personalized cutting board

Personalized Cutting Board, 12 Designs & 3 Sizes, Bamboo Cutting Board, Wedding Gifts for Couple, Housewarming Gift & Kitchen Sign - Butcher Block Inlay Board #G

2. Cookbook

The Complete Cooking for Two Cookbook, Gift Edition: 650 Recipes for Everything You'll Ever Want to Make

3. Meat and cheese board

Bamboo Cheese Board and Knife Set - Charcuterie Board Set for Cheese Platter. Wood Serving Tray For Wine, Meat, Appetizers, Snacks - Entertaining Kitchenware Gift Ideas for Wedding and Housewarming

4. Handheld vacuum

Handheld Vacuum Cordless, HUNLEE 5KPA Powerful Suction Hand Vacuum Cordless Cleaner Rechargeable Hand Vac with 2.5h Quick Charge, Lightweight Hand Held Vacuum Cordless for Home and Car Cleaning

5. Carry on

COOLIFE Luggage Expandable(only 28") Suitcase PC+ABS Spinner 20in 24in 28in Carry on (White Grid New, S(20in)_Carry on)

6. Blender

NutriBullet NBR-1201 12-Piece High-Speed Blender/Mixer System, Gray (600 Watts)

7. Crock-Pot

Crock-Pot SCCPVL610-S-A 6-Quart Cook & Carry Programmable Slow Cooker with Digital Timer Stainless Steel

8. Bathroom towels

Luxury Hotel & Spa Bath Towel 100% Genuine Turkish Cotton, 27" x 54", Set of 4, White

9. Waffle maker

Cuisinart WAF-F10 Belgian Waffle Maker, Stainless Steel

10. Tools

DEKOPRO 128 Piece Tool Set-General Household Hand Tool Kit, Auto Repair Tool Set, with Plastic Toolbox Storage Case

11. Kitchen tools

Stainless Steel Kitchen Utensil Set - 29 Cooking Utensils - Nonstick Kitchen Utensils Cookware Set with Spatula - Best Kitchen Gadgets Kitchen Tool Set Gift by HomeHero

12. Baking dishes

Staub Ceramic 2-pc Rectangular Baking Dish Set - Rustic Red

13. Kitchen Towels

The Weaver's Blend Set of 3 Kitchen Towels + 3 Dish Cloths, Basket Weave, 100% Cotton, Absorbent, Size 28"x18" and 12'x12", Yellow Stripe, Kitchen Towels and Dish Cloths

14. Cute AF oven mitts

RED LMLDETA Oven Mitts Set of 2 with Transparent Clear Silicone Shell and Nice Dog Printing Cotton Lining, Heat Resistant to 500 F Kitchen Oven Gloves Pot Holder for Cooking (Blue)

15. Kitchen knife

J.A. Henckels International CLASSIC 8" Chef's Knife

16. Pizza cutter

16" Pizza Cutter by Kitchenstar | Sharp Stainless Steel Slicer Knife - Rocker Style w Blade Cover | Chop and Slices Perfect Portions + Dishwasher Safe - Premium Pizza Accessories

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