We Have 3 Loves In Our Life, Each For A Different Reason

We Have 3 Loves In Our Life, Each For A Different Reason

It's been said that we fall in love with three different kinds of people in our lifetime, each for a different reason.
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After several unsuccessful relationships and strange decisions, you begin to see a trend in your choices and the kind of people you end up falling for. According to Kate Rose from Elephant Journal, it is said that you fall in love with three different people in your lifetime, and each kind of person you fall in love with is for a different reason in a different period of your life.

Our first love is said to happen while we are young.

For example, high school type young. You are young and don't know much about love, apart from what you've deciphered in the movies. You know that there are feelings, fights, and bedroom activities, but apart from that, you aren't really sure what love is all about.

This is the naive kind of love, the impractical, movie-esque type of love. It's what you think is right by the standards you know from movies and the standards you know from society. We begin this love with the belief that this will be our only love, and we begin planning a future in our minds around that notion.

And it doesn’t matter if in your heart it doesn’t feel quite right, or if you are planning a future you can't truly imagine yourself, because, in our make-believe minds, we see that this is what love is supposed to be like.

To us, with this kind of love, how others perceive us and what they see of the relationship is more important to us than how we actually feel about it. With this love, you will find yourself posting constantly about how much fun you are having with one another. You will post about eating mediocre dinner and watching a show as the most amazing time of your life. This is because you need others to view your relationship as magical and perfect.

Our second love is said to be our hard love.

It's the love that teaches us lessons about who we are, what we want from relationships and the kind of love we truly want.

Unfortunately, this love is not so much a happy one. This love hurts and brings you pain, oftentimes from the little untruths and other times through manipulation, usually the emotional kind. The second love is usually unbalanced and unhealthy and can be selfish and narcissistic. Due to these facts, there is almost always drama, and you become trained to think that it is your fault.

You feel guilty for always being around them, even though you know that this is what you need. Being continuously around them can still not give you what you want to feel, and you believe that you are not loved enough because they are not giving you the kind of love you are looking for. Yet, instead of giving up on the relationship, you hang on, thinking that one day suddenly everything will change and they will realize how desperately they love you.

This emotional swing of extreme highs and lows is exactly what keeps us addicted to this kind of unhealthy relationship. We push through the lows, no matter how bad they are, to get a slight tingling feeling from those wonderful highs.


With the second love, pushing to make it work becomes more imperative than whether it actually should.

Our third love is said to be the love we don't see coming.

This is the love that we never considered in the past. It's different and new, we've never dated this kind of person before. The third love is the kind that comes too easy, and it doesn’t seem possible. You think that it won't last, you are bound to stumble on something that will create a bump in the road. At times, it occurs right after a major heartbreak, and you're thinking that the same thing will happen again because, in your past, it has.

At first, you can't explain the connection. What is it about this person that draws you to them so much? Here, we meet someone and, surprisingly enough, it just fits. There is no difficult compromises, no pushing and shoving. You both seem to work out together, and somehow the way you live your life flows well with the way they live theirs.

And that's what makes your two lives come together into one. Your life together is exactly how you wanted love to be. The third love is easy, you both work hard to keep it going, to keep your relationship and your love as magnificent as it already is. And with both of you putting in the work, you don't feel like you are the only one pulling the carriage like you felt in your second love.

Sometimes it is 50/50, and other times it is 20/80. They love you enough to carry you on your bad days, and you love them enough to support them on their rough ones. You don't feel the need to constantly advertise your happiness. And, you know what? Sometimes, you're not happy. Sometimes, they are not happy. But that doesn't mean that it is the end of the relationship. You come together with your unhappiness and try to solve it. You sit together and you talk, yell, sing, draw, what have you, and you solve whatever problem comes around.

Because that's what love is, it's making things work because you love one another and want to be together.

This is the kind of love that reveals to us why everyone else left the picture.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

Mia Khalifa Got Engaged Before You Did — Another Reminder That Nice Girls Always Finish Last

"Well-behaved women seldom make history," right?

Dr King
Dr King
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On Thursday, March 14th, the infamous adult industry star and sports commentator, Mia Khalifa, and her long-time boyfriend, Robert Sandberg, got engaged over a fancy dinner in Chicago. As soon as I saw the picture on her Twitter page, I was ecstatic because I love engagement announcements. Besides, there's always something encouraging about seeing two people who are in love take an even deeper step in their relationship to ultimately reach their end goal. But of course, when you're a public figure, people take it upon themselves to add their two cents. While I usually roll my eyes at unsolicited comments from randoms on the internet, I couldn't help agree with one thread of comments in particular.


Seeing tweets like this make sense to me because I've always been a firm believer that being a non-traditional woman doesn't make you exempt from being wifey material. When I saw that Mia got engaged, the first thing that came out of my mouth was "good for her" and I meant that genuinely. Her career in pornography has been controversial especially due to her Lebanese heritage. In an interview with Newsweek, Khalifa admitted that her own parents don't even speak with her.

After leaving the porn industry within three months, she became a successful entrepreneur. People wondered how she could make the transition despite her past, but she went on a become successful businesswoman, juggling between being a co-host for sports commentary channels, posting live streams for Twitch, and selling merchandise through Patreon. I personally don't think these amazing qualities should be overshadowed by the stigma of working in adult film.

And the stigma behind bad girls didn't just start recently. Most of this can be explained by the Madonna-Whore Dichotomy (MWD), popularized by Sigmund Freud. Simply put, good girls are associated with purity while the bad girls are associated with promiscuity. While many of Freud's theories surrounding sexuality are laughable at best in the psychology world, the MWD still holds weight today and both women and men suffer from this ideology. Even certain reactions to Mia's engagement compare her sexual reputation as a contrast with what a "good girl" or "wife" should be.



With that said, let me explain why non-traditional women like Mia Khalifa are worthy of everything they desire. There's underlying strength behind bad girls because they tend to live a fearless life. A bad girl doesn't make her decisions based on what people think of her or what seems like the easy route to go by. A bad girl is fully aware of how she may be perceived, but that doesn't stop her from conquering her goal. A bad girl receives the fullest out of life because she doesn't get what she deserves per se, but gets what she negotiates. When she actively gets what she wants on her own terms, it's often a display of her confidence and power and that alone is ten times more alluring than being basic.

So when people ask the questions “Why would a man want to marry someone like that?" I would tell them that many qualities that are considering wifey material are outdated. In the 1950s, the main aspect that constituted what it meant to be a wife was a woman who fulfilled the traditional gender role. In 2019, women have more space to live their lives in a way that isn't solely an audition to become a wife even if they still get judged for it at times.

Now, the concept of what wifey material is has changed. It's not only about a woman's ability to cook and clean and preference to stay in rather than going out. A study conducted every year by the University of Iowa since the 1930s gave insight to the qualities that men look for in a long-term partner and the top traits were financial stability, emotional stability, attractiveness, intelligence, dependability, and ambition.

Independence is one word that can sum up most of traits and it describes women like Khalifa perfectly. She even stated in an interview for Playboy that when it comes to whatever direction she goes in life and career, unless she does it on her terms, she'll never be happy. It takes a lot of confidence, independence and intelligence to be able to flourish while doing what you want on your own terms.

Aside from Khalifa, there are many examples where non-traditional women have reigned supreme. Take Chrissy Teigen for example. She isn't the kind of woman who dulls herself down for the sake of a relationship. She's outspoken and never shies away from addressing topics that other women are thinking of but don't say out loud. She has also revealed that she and John Legend slept together the first night they met, and they're happily married to this day.

The same compartmentalization applies to Nicole (Snooki) LaValle who was once deemed “one of the most un-wifeable celebrities" due to her party image in "Jersey Shore." She is now currently going strong with her husband, Jionni, and they have two kids.

Meghan Markle, Duchess Of Sussex, also faced scrutiny as she hasn't always been seen as the proper fit for Prince Harry because she never lived a “quiet" life before him and lived her previous life in the public eye through acting. Despite reservations on their relationship, Markle and Prince Harry have been successful and will welcome their first child later this spring.

To put this in a more realistic context, a lot of us will never know what it's like to live the kind of life with the stigma of being a woman in the adult entertainment industry or the minimization of our career due to our marriage with a famous husband. However, many of us do know what it's like with the stigma of not being a traditional woman. We know what it's like to grow up learning that we have to dumb ourselves down in order to make boys like us more. We know what it's like to hear "the fastest way to a man's heart is through his stomach" followed by stern advice to make sure we know how to cook in order to keep a man. We're well acquainted with the feeling of discouragement of being talked out of many things because it isn't considered ladylike.

So if you're a woman who is reading this and you don't have the most conventional style, personality, or career path, continue doing you. Don't live your life constantly wondering what people will say about the way you live your life. You are free to be as loud, confident or unorthodox as you want. Being wifey material should not be at odds with feminine sexual expression or anything else that goes against the status quo that women have to be docile and submissive in order to obtain a husband. Keep shaking the tables and breaking down barriers because one day, the world will be yours.

Dr King
Dr King

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Stop Referring To Your Boyfriend As Your Future Husband

Why it's dangerous to get ahead of yourself in a relationship.

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I am by no means a relationship expert.

I am three months into my first relationship ever, which is going quite well, but still, I do not know much about relationships in general.

All couples are different. They move at different paces, have different issues, and different quirks. However, one thing that I believe should apply to all couples, is how you should speak about marriage.

Couples that are just dating should not talk about their future marriage as if it is a given.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely believe in dating to marry. When looking at potential dating partners, I always think way far ahead into the future. I can not hang out with a guy without analyzing how his traits would translate into our future together. Every one of his quirks, opinions, and actions are compared with what I want in a future husband, father to my kids, and my forever BFF. Kind of weird and intense, but I can't help it.

Anyways, it can be hard to find the right person for you to date.

So, once you do find that one you can see yourself ending up with, it's pretty exciting! You want to spend all of your time with that person! And talk about them all the time! And dream about your future with them.

But, just because you do find the chosen one that you could see yourself marrying, does not mean you need to tell them that.

Saying things like "when we get married" and "once we're married" only sets you guys up for hurt.

Every time you talk about your marriage as if it's already set in stone, you are making a promise to your person. A promise that you will be getting married, and have this hypothetical life together.

But until there is a ring on someone's finger, a formal promise in the form of engagement, your hypothetical life together is just that, hypothetical.

Making plans about when that person is your husband is dangerous because you do not know whether he will actually be your husband or not. If you guys break up, you are not only losing your boyfriend but the husband that he was in your head.

So, if you are confident that the person you are dating is going to be your spouse, go ahead and get engaged. And if you are not ready for an engagement, you are not ready to talk about that person as if you are already a married couple.

So, hold off and keep those wedding bells in your head.

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