To My First Love,
I guess this is the easiest way to let it all out. I have tried all I can, you and I both know that. I would have never thought I would be writing this, but here I am 11 months after our break up, still lingering on what we once were.
Reminiscing on our beautiful relationship, the beautiful memories we made, the hardest times, and the best times. We went through it all together. Three years is a long time to spend together, the longest time I have spent with someone thus far. I never thought it would come to an end, but it did, and I guess I should have listened when they say all good things come to an end.
The day I laid my eyes on you, I knew we would connect in some way, shape or form. I did not know if we would fall in love, become best friends, or anything in between. I just was certain you would become a part of my life, and I was willing to do anything to make that happen.
I was right, we fell in love. I fell absolutely head over heels for you.
You knew how to make me feel perfect, like the only girl in the world. You learned my soul, quickly. What irritated me, what made me happy, my favorite foods, my favorite things, you learned it all. You were captivating. I was in awe of you, intrigued by you, I had never experienced love this deeply before.
But, that is how most love stories go right? You meet... You fall in love... You are happy, in awe of each other, in the honeymoon phase, but that does not last forever, I learned that quickly when it came to you and me. I know you learned that quickly as well.
A switch flipped one day, everything changed for us. We lost touch of the importance in our relationship, we lost focus on the good, we eventually only focused on the bad. We became lost in our own heads and own thoughts, they were constant and seemed never-ending.
You constantly accused me of things I know you created in your own head, I am here now to tell you, they were never true.
Our relationship got to the unhealthiest point it had ever been toward the end, I knew then I had to let go. The constant fighting, the constant back and forth, the constant accusations, it was at an all-time high, it took over my life, and I know it took yours as well. I wish you would have listened to me and believed me back then, and I wish I would have done the same.
Some people may see this, or some people who knew our relationship may think we were crazy for staying together as long as we did, but there was so much good that came along with the bad in this relationship.
I look back on what we once were, and what we shared, I cherished every moment of it, the good and the bad. From going to my first prom with you to sitting with your family at your high school graduation to going through the loss of your best friend together to everything before, in between, and after.
I know now, things have drastically changed. I left you and immediately jumped into another relationship. I gave up on a lifetime, for something temporary. I am sorry for that. I am sorry I broke your heart, but if we are being honest, there is plenty of times you broke mine. You told me I would regret leaving, you told me to think thoroughly about my decision before I made it, but no matter what decision I made, you would always be here for me and you would always love me. I wish I would have listened, but my stubborn ass took nothing into consideration. I let go, slowly but surely. I walked away from the person I had always envisioned my life with, I imagined building a home and a family with you, I imagined growing old together.
You were supposed to be my forever and always.
Life does not always work out how we plan. I know neither of us had planned for this day to come, but it did, and here we are now, living two completely separate lives.
I never thought the day would come that I would see you fall in love with someone else. But here we are now. I know she makes you happy. And as much as it kills me inside that I could not be your happiness anymore, I love her for loving you in ways that I clearly was not capable of. You deserve the world and more.
I am so proud of you, I still root for you. I still cheer for you. I will forever be on your team. I still pray for you every night before I go to sleep. I pray for your happiness, wellbeing, and fulfillment in this life.
I wish you well, I wish you a lifetime of happiness and love.
Thank you for everything you taught me, every memory we made, every minute of your time.
I now know what is bound to happen, will always happen.
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