To The Boy Who Led Me On, You WERE My Cup Of Tea, But I Drink Champagne Now

To The Boy Who Led Me On, You WERE My Cup Of Tea, But I Drink Champagne Now

I looked at the clock. I looked at my calendar. I looked at my call history and our texts and when looking at all those things, I only saw one thing, the time I wasted.

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I remember it clear as day. The day you broke our "talking" phase "relationship" off. To be honest, I saw this coming. You were distant. You were quiet. You stopped making plans with me. You stopped texting and calling. You stopped inviting me to things. You just stopped.

Waiting for you was like waiting for someone that was in the front of the line at McDonald's and still didn't know what they want.

For that week or so that you left me feeling like I was hanging on the edge of a cliff with two fingers because you wouldn't end it but also wouldn't talk to me. Did you just think I was going to let this go and pretend you never existed? Sorry but no, I actually cared.

I'm not thanking you for finally breaking it off in the most immature way, after I begged you to, over text. I'm not thanking you for leaving me wondering what was wrong with me. I'm not thanking you for making me think I did something wrong. I'm thanking you for that week, or few days, that I realized you didn't care. Because shortly after that it was like a domino effect. It was all piecing together. I figured out that you probably never did care. And following that, I really started to piece things together and realize that your goal was to make me believe that you did.

That week I felt my self-esteem and confidence spiral like a gum ball in one of those old fashioned gum ball machines you begged your mom for a quarter for in the grocery store. I felt like I wasn't good enough. I struggled with feeling confident in myself and my future because somehow without saying a word to me you persuaded me that I wasn't capable getting anything I wanted and deserved in life, you being one of those things.

News flash: you were my cup of tea but I'm drinking champagne now.

That week I learned, it wasn't me, it was you. Finally, for once in my life it wasn't me, or something I did wrong that caused this. It was you. Your Insecurities. Your open wounds that you let bleed all over me. Your indecisiveness. Your wavering promises and so much more. And honestly, thank you. If anything else, thank you for giving me that peace of mind knowing that I actually was doing everything right. I cared about you. I made time for you. I committed to you before you even gave us a title. I did so many things for you to show you I was worth it. All of which none was reciprocated.

I learned that even though you didn't want what I had to offer that I did my best. There is always a peace that comes over you when you fail, but you fail to do your best. That was the case with us. I failed at winning you over. You won at leading me on. But I know I tried my best and that is enough for me.

After many texts and calls and hard talks in my living room of you wanting us back. I looked at the clock. I looked at my calendar. I looked at my call history and our texts and when looking at all those things, I only saw one thing, the time I wasted and wanted back to give to someone who wanted it. I mistook all our laughs, late nights, sweet texts and jokes as you caring. But I'm saying thank you because now I'll think twice before I waste my time again.

The bottom line here is, you wasted my time but I thank you for it. I learned a lot about myself. I learned even more about what I deserved (which is the polar opposite of you), I learned to not be so hard on myself. I learned that one day I'm going to give everything I gave to you to someone who wants it and it'll all be worth it. Thank you for making me so hopeful for next. Thank you for making me raise my standards.

This won't be the last thank you'll receive. One day, I am confident someone is going to walk into my life and they are going to thank you for leading me on and letting me go. And then suddenly, all the time I feel you wasted will have become worth it.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

I Am A Hopeless Romantic Living In A World Where One-Night Stands Are The Norm

It's the little things.

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In today's society, it can certainly start to feel like no one takes love seriously anymore.

Whether it's that one couple who has broken up and gotten back together more times than you can count, the two friends-with-benefits no one can figure out, your local womanizer, or just hookups in general, love and lust are a huge part of specifically college life and culture.

As a hopeless romantic, being part of a generation that "just wants to have fun" can be really frustrating, especially when you just want to find something real. It is so easy for people to put on a fake act just to get what they want and sometimes this can be extremely hard to see through. I'm sure we've all had some kind of incident with someone who played nice but had ulterior motives and the sad truth is that it can be impossible to recognize a person's artificiality.

I am a hopeless romantic.

I have always classified myself as such, and it has remained true. Sure, I can make the most of the freedoms I have as a single college woman, but deep down I just want to find my person.

I've had my fair share of letdowns, and I think we all have, but being a hopeless romantic makes it that much more difficult to get past the "what ifs" and fantasies that come along with starting something with someone new. We may already have our hearts set on a person when they decide they've gotten what they wanted and leave.

For me, I find myself caught up in the little things that someone does. I have always been someone who picks up on small details in situations, and sometimes this works against me.

I pick up on the small facial expressions that he may not even realize he is making; the ones that tell you when their guard has been let down, even just for a split second.

I pick up on the way he sits our two cellphones side by side on the nightstand, taking care to line them up perfectly as if that's just their spot.

I pick up on the short moments of laughter where he actually lets himself laugh and forgets about the act.

I pick up on things, and sometimes I end up hurting because of it.

When it comes down to it, though, I wouldn't change the way that I am. I wouldn't change the fact that I find myself in the search for more in a society that mostly only offers me less.

The trait that tends to hurt me most is also the one that I value most. Even if noticing all the little things is something that contributes to my own heartache, I love those moments. There is something beautiful about those tiny things shared by two people, even if the connection ends there.

Sure, it can be hard. But so can everything.

It's just a matter of finding the beauty.

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Dedicate Your Summer To Bettering Yourself For Yourself, Not Your Ex

Why waste energy on an ex who doesn't care about you anymore?

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I'm single for the summer (yet again, no shock there) but this summer there's something in the air that just feels different. It's the feeling of true acceptance of my single status.

Last summer I was single when I really didn't want to be. My heart with still holding out for a guy who wasn't interested in anything more than my friendship. It took me from late March all the way until Halloween to get over those feelings. However, while working through those tough feelings that summer, I came to enjoy my time on my own and not talking to anyone except my best friends. I didn't have to worry about when I'd get a text back, or if I'd be left on read, or who he'd be out with since I wasn't around. The only thing I needed to worry about was my paychecks and tan lines.

Sometimes after breaking things off with someone who you put so much effort into, whether it was a boyfriend, an almost relationship, or even a friend with benefits, it's easy to want to show off on social media and make them regret ever hurting you or ending things. Why? It's a nice little ego boost, sure, but after those few seconds of glee from the fact that you know they've seen and maybe even liked your picture or your tweet, or saw your story on Snapchat, do you still feel happy? No, you go right back to feeling like crap, whether you want to admit it or not. Stop making yourself all about them when that ship has sailed and start being all about you.

Your ex is off doing their own thing, maybe thinking about you, but obviously not enough to want you back in their life the way you used to be. They are probably out there finding a new person to take your spot because they don't have you at their beck and call anymore. If they're also showing off to show you how much better they are without you or to make you jealous...why are you still following them or still participating in this sick little game for attention? Grow up and block them so you don't have to keep seeing their posts, or be adult enough to stop if you're doing the same as well. If it's only you posting, chances are you just look stupid, so stop before you really embarrass yourself. I was that person, and I know first hand how embarrassed I am for acting the way I did.

Summer is synonymous for doing whatever the hell you want. Wear what you want, say what you want, and be the best version of yourself that only a high dose of Vitamin D can bring out. Your ex is an ex for many reasons. You have to set aside the summer for you and what benefits you only. Don't concern yourself with an ex who doesn't care in the least about you anymore. Coming from someone who posted thirst traps aimed at a specific person along with countless shady AF stories on Snap and Insta in the hopes that this one person and their friends would see it, just stop and save yourself the energy as well as regret.

We're all adults, it's time to stop the petty posts and photos. Post your thirst trap for yourself because you're a sexy queen who doesn't need anyone but herself. Once you start focusing on yourself this summer, instead of your ex, you'll realize just have great it feels to truly be free.

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