I feel like I owe you this. But at the same time, I feel like I don't. To be cheated on— one of the worst feelings. I know because I've been there. However, sometimes humans become selfish and forget that we all have feelings and go through personal battles. And that's what I want you to understand.
To you, I am a cheater, a liar, a fuck up, and all the similar words you can think of.
But, I have my side as well. I never said to myself, "I don't like _____ anymore, so I'm going to be with other people behind their back." In fact, I liked you too much. I looked at you like you were the most amazing human. I looked at you and knew you were the person I wanted to be with.
Sadly, I felt the opposite way in return. I was alone, a lot. Always wishing you were going to put in effort. Always wanting you to give me attention. Always hoping you'd see me and fall in love. I felt like I was being pushed away and unwanted. So, when I got into those very dark moments, I used other people as a way out.
Yes, I cheated on you, but it's not something I'm proud of. And I never want you to think I am.
Cause in all those moments, I still thought about you. Unfortunately, I was fighting inner battles, thinking I wasn't important to you and you never wanted me. Because you didn't give me reassurance or a relationship or love. You never cared to ask about my past, childhood, or feelings about topics.
I felt lost with you sometimes. Not only that, you gave me clues that you were going behind my back as well. Other girls' clothes in your room, all the pictures with random girls, and all the times you've pushed me away on your nights out at the bar. The hints were there and they were scary.
I hope you can understand where I'm coming from. I'm sorry if I hurt you, even though I know you told me you don't care.
I know I can't fix this, and I don't know if I want to anyway. We've both said things to each other that crossed lines and went too far, whether we meant them or not. Maybe, in the future, we'd love to give this another shot. But as for now, we are different people and don't see eye to eye. I wish you the best and hope we can remain friends. It would be nice to see you around and still be able to talk. Much love, always.
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