To The One That I Love, But Can Never Be With

To The One That I Love, But Can Never Be With

I would say goodbye, but we both know I would be lying.
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I have dreamed about finding my one true love since I was a little girl. I was destined to be a hopeless romantic the moment I was born to my parents with a storybook-like marriage. But, you taught me that love is nothing like it is in the fairytales I used to read or the Disney songs I used to belt out in the car with my Mom.

When it's beautiful, it isn't white horses and sparkling crowns. It's conversations that keep you up until sunrise and kissing with messy hair and sleepy eyes.

When it's tragic, it isn't a fire-breathing-dragon threatening your castle. It's that spark you once had burning out, it's "I don't know if I love you anymore," it's silence.

I knew I loved you when you made me feel like that little girl again. That little girl that was unapologetically herself: silly, sassy and a little too weird for most people to handle. That little girl didn't think twice about saying what was on her mind or doing what she wanted to do because she had no doubt that she was awesome and capable of anything. Life happened, I grew up, I had heartbreak and I lost sight of that for a long time. Then I met you. I didn't have to think about how to act around you, filter what I said, worry about your judgment. I knew you loved me. You told me I could do anything and I could see in your eyes that you meant it. We just clicked. It was natural. It was easy.

With you, when it was beautiful, it was even more beautiful than anything I had ever read or daydreamed. We laughed about everything. I can still feel the belly aches I would get after giggling for an hour with you. We couldn't keep our hands off of each other. I can still feel your hand in my hair and your breath on my neck. We had a spark, hell, we had a fire between us that was even undeniable to those around us. Before we knew it, we were engulfed by the flames and inevitably burned.

That fire we had burned even in the bad times. Every negative feeling was crippling. Every mistake, every mean word, every cold shoulder felt like a blow to the stomach. The passion we had was a double-edged sword that ended fatally.

With you, it was beautiful, but it was tragic too. Just as quickly as we lit the match, it was snuffed out by our own personal tragedies. We met when we were each at our worst. We both had our demons and they just didn't play well together. Maybe if we met at an earlier time, before we were damaged humans, we would have been fine. Or, maybe if we met later after we learned to overcome our setbacks, we would be ready. Maybe that's just me listening to that naive little girl I used to be.

They always say that love conquers all. Maybe love conquers most, but I can tell you that it sure as hell doesn't conquer bad timing. Nothing does.

Moving on feels impossible. Everyone else tastes bland in comparison to you. How can they not, when every time we kissed, you would burn my tongue? I pray that I find someone who can make me feel as high as you did, but never as low. I need a love that I can breathe without. I need a love that I don't have to withdraw from every time I walk away. I pray that you find the same with someone else, too.

I will always think of you. I will always pray for you. I will always wish you the best. I will always have that fire for you, but I just can't burn for you anymore.




Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

The 5 Differences Between Physical and Emotional Cheating Every College Girl Should Know

Regardless of their differences, they're still equally awful.

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Cheating can be a violation of another partner's physical and mental health when it occurs and is often a dealbreaker in a relationship. While cheating of any sort is often traumatic and upsetting for a partner, there exist a variety of ways in which their partner might cheat. Of the many ways in which infidelity can occur, the way a person cheats falls under the categories of physical or emotional cheating.

While overlap can occur between the two within a relationship, there exist a few differences between physical and emotional cheating that often differentiate the two.

1. Physical cheating requires  a physical relationship, whereas emotional cheating doesn't

This is the most self-explanatory difference between physical and emotional cheating. When someone physically cheats on their partner, that means they've decided to engage in sexual acts without the knowledge or consent of their partner. Emotional intimacy involves emotional contact without the partner's consent, such as intimate conversations, extensive flirting and doting behaviors practiced outside the context of the couple's relationship.

2. Physical cheating may not involve feelings or emotional intimacy, whereas emotional cheating does

Physical cheating can involve long-term sexual relations with one person or involve sporadic incidences with multiple people. The archetype of physical cheating is cheating without feelings attached, where people have sex without attachment. While attachment can occur within physical relationships, the assumption is that physical cheating is sex-based.

Emotional cheating, however, is based on forming a strong bond and romantic attachment to someone in a way that's meant to be reserved for their partner. For emotional cheating, the cheater is deliberately seeking validation and affection through non-sexual contact and communication with someone else.

3. Physical cheating involves in person contact, whereas emotional cheating can exist in person or digitally

Physical cheating involves a formed sexual relationship, which can only occur in person. Emotional cheating, however, can include both in-person contact or extensive online communication with a non-partner. For example, a partner could be emotionally cheating through the extensive use of a dating app, wherein said partner channels their affection and emotions into the digital person instead of their partner.

4. Physical cheating is secretive, whereas emotional cheating might not be

In monogamous, non-open relationships, it is expected that each person in the relationship is only sexually active with their partner. For a partner that chooses to cheat, it is imperative they keep their new, sexual partner (or partners) under wraps to prevent sabotaging their relationship. Emotional cheating, however, can manifest gradually without being under wraps.

For example, it's possible one's partner could become romantically and emotionally involved with a friend over time, where time spent with a said friend or acquaintance grows. The investment and growth of the new relationship could occur within social circles that allow one partner to witness the new relationship grow over time. This gradual growth could be masked as a new colleague, friend or contact.

If a partner who's cheating exploits their current partner's trust, they could disguise their new relationship until they decide to leave or break up with the current partner.

5. Physical cheating can cause bodily harm to your partner, while emotional cheating doesn't

While both physical and emotional cheating can result in plenty of hurt, there exist potential health complications from physical cheating beyond impacting one's mental health. If one partner is having sex with one or more people outside their relationship, they risk transmitting STI's to their partner.

Certain STI's manifest in men's and women's bodies differently. Gonorrhea, for instance, doesn't always present with symptoms in women, similarly to chlamydia in men. Untreated STI's can lead to severe infections or infertility, or even cancer or chronic illness if a partner contracts HPV, HIV, syphilis or herpes. So if you and your partner were monogamous and you break that pact, you can put yourself and them at serious risk for health complications.

So if you didn't think cheating on your partner was bad enough, passing on a preventable STI makes you even more of an inconsiderate asshole.

Collectively, physical and emotional cheating are two broad categories of cheating that describe hurtful envelope behaviors within relationships. While both types of cheating often have behaviors that intersect, it's important to recognize what they are to protect yourself in the event they happen.

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8 Signs Of Cheating That Every College Girl Should Know How To Spot

The tell-tale signs that the person you're with is absolute garbage

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You may not realize it, but there are quite a few tell-tale signs that the person you're with is absolute garbage. Whether it's signs they have a side bae or signs that they're being unfaithful to you in other ways, everyone should know how to spot these red flags:

1. They won't let you anywhere near their phone

It's not cool to pry through every single message on your S.O.'s phone, but if they've been acting secretive about who they're been talking to, or what the notifications on their lock screen are, there's something they don't want you to see.

2. They ask you to do things and be things that you aren't

Are they suddenly asking you to fulfill some crazy fantasy? Or dress a certain way that's completely out of your style? Red flag.

3. They're on Tinder

Pretty self-explanatory. Nothing is more awkward than one of your friends matching with them.

4. They've become increasingly disinterested in you

Even though this doesn't for sure signal cheating (it could be your relationship dying, or a host of other reasons), it's important to pay attention to where their attention is—or isn't—in your relationship.

5. Lies have been adding up

Even if they're little white lies, a constant habit of lying from you or keeping things from you is a major red flag. It shows that your partner is accustomed to deceiving you.

6. They're really secretive or vague about their plans

Not sure what they've been doing after class or on the weekends lately? And they won't tell you? Hmm.

7. They stop posting about you completely on social media or untag themselves in your posts

Not everyone is big on social media, but if your boo is and has been throughout your relationship, and suddenly stops, that's sus.

8. There's a general sense that you aren't close anymore, for no apparent reason

Pretty broad, but if your gut is telling you that something's up, and you can't think of a good reason why, it's probably time to confront your S.O. about it.

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