What No One Tells You (But Should) Before Trying 'Butt Stuff'

What No One Tells You (But Should) Before Trying 'Butt Stuff'

Without lube you are in for a dry and painful ride ladies and gents.


I am one of the few who actually did "butt stuff" with their S.O. before regular sex. Had I known what I know about it now, I probably would have reversed the order, but tried it regardless, and I'm glad I did.

I am also one of the few that talks to my mom about my sex life. We have always had a good and open relationship when it comes to talking about personal things. It makes life a whole hell of a lot easier when you're not hiding or sneaking around.

So, when I told my mom, I genuinely think she thought I had done almost anything else and rightfully so.. Why would I attempt anal before regular sex with my S.O. other first?

I told her the deets in the most non-detailed way and I was half expecting her to be disappointed but in all actuality, her response was quite simple.

"Wow, I'm really impressed…Aren't you in pain right now?"

To which I replied, "Actually a ton, it hurts to even be sitting here talking to you."

Yes my friends, most "butt stuff" makes you sore—know this up front.

It's not that I didn't expect to be a little sore. I can handle a little soreness.

It was the horrific pain I felt walking, bending over, sitting down, or even laying on my back afterwards that took me by surprise. If you're going to attempt anal, maybe also anticipate not doing anything for the next few days too.

Along with the pain you feel, you should also be aware that you'll most likely bleed…not just at first either like you would after losing your virginity, but for the next few days that follow.

It's kinda like your period, but without the cramps, bloating, and severe mood-swings.

The aftermath of anal wasn't the scary part for me. Yeah those things put me at a slight disadvantage and were somewhat of an inconvenience.

The hard part was what came during—pun completely intended.

Expect having a lot of emotions. (Like, a TON!)

I had a mixture of emotions from:

How is this going to feel?

Will it feel good?

Will it hurt like the dickens?

What the fuck is "the dickens" anyway?

With all those thoughts roaming my mind, it was really hard to stay relaxed.

The most important thing to remember about butt stuff is to remain relaxed at all times.


I had read articles prior to because I've always had a weird infatuation with sex and sexual things. The most important things articles stressed was to relax yourself because when you finally do-that's when it actually feels good.

Was I relaxed?

Hell. To. The. No.

Did it feel good?

I. Really. Freaking. Wanted. It. To. But no, not really.

Honestly, it most likely won't feel to you what regular sex does.

I think it just requires practice and a lot of foreplay. Your body and mind have to be in the same place, and neither one of those two things can be forced. It comes with time, and time is something I did not give myself that day.

Without lube you are in for a dry and painful ride ladies and gents.

It's also important to have lots of lube on standby, which thankfully we had.

Lastly, (something I wish would have been suggested to me first) maybe try having your partner put a finger in there first.

You may be completely up for it after that or against it. In my honest opinion, I actually think a finger feels much better, and it gets you prepped for the real deal.

Overall, baby steps are key.

Giant steps will hurt like hell.

Seriously though, don't be scared—be relaxed, and if you aren't relaxed?

Well then be scared... because it's totally okay to be nervous before you dive in to the world of butt stuff.

Cover Image Credit:


Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

How Much Do You REALLY Know About Contracting STDs? Take This Quiz To Test Yourself

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I don't care what anyone says, safe sex is better than unprotected sex. There are a ton of myths regarding sex, STDs, and germs. It's time to learn the facts. Be kind to your body and protect it. Be honest with yourself and a partner. Even if it's a one night stand, STDs should be on your mind–don't let it be a turnoff. STDs have been on the rise and "The United States continues to have the highest STD rates in the industrialized world." This is your wake-up call.

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My Parents Didn’t Tell Me To Stay Pure Until Marriage, I Made That Decision On My Own

So, please respect my decision.


As we evolve into a more open and accepting world, the one thing that is getting less taboo is sex. It's not something that is talked about behind closed doors. It's something that is on the television screens and easily accessible on our phones. People talk about it and promote it like it's small talk. It's so hard to escape, especially as a young adult.

To say that I am staying pure until marriage is a very uncommon thing, at least in my opinion. Sure, I have friends who are in the same boat as I am. But, even at a Christian college, sex is everywhere and most people are partaking in it. However, I decided to not.

Growing up, my parents never told me to stay pure until marriage directly. I went to church and heard about it in sermons. I knew that by keeping myself pure until marriage, I would enjoy it more knowing that I waited for my future husband. I understand that some people may not agree with me on this topic, but here's why I am saving myself.

1. I want to know that the man loves me.

For me, I want to have sex with someone that I love. Now, you may defend this with the fact that your boyfriend loves you. That's great. But, dating isn't always a sure thing. Boys (and girls) can say that they love you, just to get in your pants. And, they will. It happens all the time. And, because you are blinded by love, you will end up giving in and doing it. But, see, I don't want to be blinded by love. I want to know that the person I am with, is with me forever. By making the biggest commitment aka marriage, that is a clear sign that they love me and want me forever. This is a good example of actions show more than words do. They can say they love me, but when they showcase that love, that's when I know it is real.

2. I want to give all of me to one person.

I heard this great example my senior year that discusses this exact thing. For someone like Hugh Hefner, who was with HUNDREDS of women, when he got older, he said he didn't feel anything anymore when it came to sex. He was numbed by the whole experience. It wasn't pleasurable or for love. By having sex with countless women, he had given a little part of himself to each of them, until he had nothing left. Therefore, by saving myself for one person, they would be getting all of me. As a whole. 100%. This is special because no one else has that except for my future husband.

3. The idea of getting pregnant scares me because of the lack of security.

For the past three generations in my family, they have all had children young. 15, to 17, to 20 years old. Blinded by love. Manipulated by their hormones. They had sex and got pregnant. To see not only 1 woman, but 3 women in my life go through that, I know how difficult it is. You're a kid yourself. Personally, I do want children. However, I have so many dreams and goals for myself. I want to graduate from college. Get a good career. Travel. Fall in love. A lot of that can be halted by a child. I don't know if I would get to achieve everything I want to, especially if I would have to raise the child alone (which usually happens). So, by waiting for marriage, I am using the biggest form of birth control.

4. There's no comparing, if you have only been with one person.

Now, this is different for every relationship. However, everyone feels insecure or uncomfortable when it comes to dating and relationships. Knowing that someone has had sex prior, you wonder if you are shaping up or doing better than the previous. By only having sex with one person, it relieves the stress of comparison.

5. It brings me closer to God.

One important lesson I have learned from friends, college, and personal experience, is that relationships (when it isn't built on God), you tend to stray away from Him. Therefore, by making my relationship with God stronger, I fall in love with Him first. Then, I am capable of loving a boy and committing to something like marriage and sex.

So, no, my parents never convinced me to stay pure until marriage. It was my own decision. I have reasoning for staying pure and it's my choice. So, please stop shaming virginity in the 21st century, because I'm not shaming you if you aren't one.


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