Preparing for a deployment isn't something vastly talked about. It isn't a topic that's advertised. People don't see the heartbreak leading up to it. They see the reunions, the happy moments.

Months prior to deployment, the reality of it doesn't set in. You go about your life and you don't think about how quickly deployment will approach. You continue to live each day with your significant other. The moments spent together are cherished but not as much as you'll wish later. The downfall is that when he's gone, you find yourself wishing you could go back and redo it all. You find yourself wishing you could have held him or kissed him a little longer.

Suddenly the months turn into weeks and then days. You wonder where the time went, you're wishing you could slow it down. The night before when you're helping him pack the last of his gear, your heart sinks a little. You're trying not to cry so you hold back.

You want to say so much but you can't without your voice shaking. All you want is to be strong for him.

That night you don't want to go to sleep because that's less time spent awake with him. At the same time, you know you both need your rest. You wake up periodically throughout the night. Each time you feel so sad and you pull him closer to you. You nuzzle your head in that spot between his head and shoulder. You wrap your arm around him and feel the warmth of his body against yours. Your tears begin to run down your face as you let him sleep. You listen to his breathing and let the feeling of comfort take you back to sleep.

In the morning you're awake before him. You wake up in a panic, looking at the clock, wondering what time he must be on base for. You don't want to wake him, but you don't want him to be late. As you're both getting ready to leave you can feel the sadness in the room. You both sit on the bed and hold one another close. You cry into his chest and then you stand up because you know it's time to go.

At the send off gathering you're sitting there surrounded by families, wives, and friends. You're waiting. You're waiting for him to come find you after he's finished at the armory. You're waiting for your final hours with him to begin. You want to be selfish but you're not in control anymore.

At last, you look up and see him walking toward you. You can see the sadness on his face, but his eyes are shining ever so bright. A smile comes across his face as he sees you. As soon as he reaches you, he grabs your face and kisses you like nothing else around matters. There's food inside but neither of you can eat. You feel sick to your stomach. You're ridden with anxiety and stress. The sun is shining down on the both of you as you're sitting in the grass together. It's not all bad. You're able to laugh together and he's still in your arms just a little bit longer. Some tears fall from your eyes and he wipes them away effortlessly. It's almost as though it's his natural response.

He knows you're sad, he knows you're both hurting inside.

Abruptly you notice Marines are saying their goodbyes to families, spouses, and friends. You instantly start to cry. You throw your arms around him and hug him tighter than you ever have before. You put your hands on his face and kiss him repeatedly. He takes your hand and you walk to the edge of the road. Along the way you're trying to laugh it off and prevent yourself from crying. He hugs you one last time and you both say your final "I love you, I'll miss you, be safe, and I'll see you later." As he goes to walk away, your hands slowly fall out of touch and he turns around.

You want to run after him, you want him to turn back around. As his bus leaves you cry harder. You search for him and wave goodbye as tears stream down your face.

When he's finally out of sight, you feel lost. You feel like your whole world is crashing down around you. When you go home you have no idea what to do with yourself. You have no appetite. All motivation is lost. All you want to do is sleep for days on end, but you can't. You realize how tense you've been. You can feel the lumps in your throat, your head hurts from holding back the tears. So now what?

Writing the letters and making the care packages gives you hope. It's something to look forward to, it's a way of counting down his return to you.

Even through letters and packages, even through staying busy and trying to focus on yourself while he's away… nothing makes it easier. There is no magic potion, there is no remedy. No matter how much advice people may offer, nothing can change the fact that the person you're madly in love with is so far away. The reality is you're both forced to live your lives with the absence of one another for long periods of time. There's nothing you can do to change that.

There will be days when you're feeling OK, you're feeling strong. There will also be days when you're a mess. Your emotions get the best of you and it brings you to your knees. You cry yourself to sleep at night because you want your best friend back home.

It's difficult when you want to tell him about your day or when you want him to hold you. It's difficult when you're craving his presence so badly and you can't do a damn thing about it. All you can do is wait. All you can do is look forward to the homecoming and pray he's doing OK wherever he may be.

I'm thankful to have the relationship I do. Yes, deployment is hard. The distance is hard in general. I'm used to being away from him, but deployment is different. There's less communication, there is more to worry about. Even through the challenges of deployment, the ending is rewarding, the wait is always worth it. Waiting for him to find you in a crowd of people after X number of months apart is incredible.

That first hug, that first kiss. There's nothing in the world to compare it to. In that moment, the worries, the anxiety, and the stresses of deployment disappear. In those moments your world becomes peaceful again.

The many tears, sleepless nights, anxious days, and lonely feelings vanish. They no longer matter because your best friend is finally back in your arms.

People often don't see the challenges of deployment. They fall blind to it. It's hard to understand what families and spouses go through until you experience it personally. It isn't helpful when people tell families and spouses that everything will be OK. It isn't helpful when people say, "You chose this, you shouldn't complain about it."

Yes, I chose this life. Yes, I knew he would be deployed. What no one can tell you is how badly you'll miss him. No one can tell you how hard it is when you're forced to be apart without choice. Although many of us chose this lifestyle, it doesn't mean we can't be upset. We're allowed to feel certain ways even if this is the life we chose.

Although deployment is one of many life challenges, you never know what someone may be going through. Please be kind. Please be mindful. Please be caring. Let's take care of one another in this crazy thing called life.

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