Virginity Is A Social Construct Created To Shame Women

Virginity Is A Social Construct Created To Shame Women

Dissecting the myth society wants you to believe.
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Virginity is a topic many can't seem to agree on. If sex is truly as broad as we say it is, how do we constitute who we consider a virgin and who isn’t? And why does it matter?

Firstly, we need to do away with the idea that penetration is the only way to have sex, while it is in fact only one of many. We often forget about same-sex couples in this discussion. Although a lesbian couple may not be able to be intimate through penetration, this does not mean their own form of intimacy should be demeaned just because it does not fit our social standards of what we consider to be normal.

From a young age, it’s been embedded in me that sex is painful, that it changes us women forever and it should only be done with “the one” because you will find yourself having an attachment to that person to the rest of your life. Men, on the other hand, have been encouraged from that very same young age to experiment with girls in ways they may not be ready for. If by chance they fail to do so by a certain age, they are viewed as weak and not man enough.

Ultimately, I have grown to understand that virginity was coined as a term in order to shame women from their sexual experiences. I grew up assuming that you truly lose a piece of yourself when you decide to engage in sex, that the first time involves a torn hymen and blood. I was surprised to learn that a hymen can tear through innocent activities like sports or an injury, or that this membrane will thin out all on its own by the time we become sexually active. The biggest game changer for me was learning that hymens already have opened slits that stretch during sex and birth, and that it is very uncommon for it to tear, thus doing away with the idea that one's body is forever changed after sex.

Moving forward, we need to stop claiming women are damaged once losing their virginity. We need to stop interpreting her worth based on how many partners she has had. The reality is that we lose no part of ourselves during the process. It is not something we can give and take. It shouldn’t be spoken of to younger girls as a commodity, something special that once given away, they can never get back. With time, my hope is that future generations will not shame others for their own personal experience, but that they will allow others to feel pleasure instead of fear.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

How Much Do You REALLY Know About Contracting STDs? Take This Quiz To Test Yourself

Time to find out how much you really know.

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I don't care what anyone says, safe sex is better than unprotected sex. There are a ton of myths regarding sex, STDs, and germs. It's time to learn the facts. Be kind to your body and protect it. Be honest with yourself and a partner. Even if it's a one night stand, STDs should be on your mind–don't let it be a turnoff. STDs have been on the rise and "The United States continues to have the highest STD rates in the industrialized world." This is your wake-up call.





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My Parents Didn’t Tell Me To Stay Pure Until Marriage, I Made That Decision On My Own

So, please respect my decision.

tiannat
tiannat
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As we evolve into a more open and accepting world, the one thing that is getting less taboo is sex. It's not something that is talked about behind closed doors. It's something that is on the television screens and easily accessible on our phones. People talk about it and promote it like it's small talk. It's so hard to escape, especially as a young adult.

To say that I am staying pure until marriage is a very uncommon thing, at least in my opinion. Sure, I have friends who are in the same boat as I am. But, even at a Christian college, sex is everywhere and most people are partaking in it. However, I decided to not.

Growing up, my parents never told me to stay pure until marriage directly. I went to church and heard about it in sermons. I knew that by keeping myself pure until marriage, I would enjoy it more knowing that I waited for my future husband. I understand that some people may not agree with me on this topic, but here's why I am saving myself.

1. I want to know that the man loves me.

For me, I want to have sex with someone that I love. Now, you may defend this with the fact that your boyfriend loves you. That's great. But, dating isn't always a sure thing. Boys (and girls) can say that they love you, just to get in your pants. And, they will. It happens all the time. And, because you are blinded by love, you will end up giving in and doing it. But, see, I don't want to be blinded by love. I want to know that the person I am with, is with me forever. By making the biggest commitment aka marriage, that is a clear sign that they love me and want me forever. This is a good example of actions show more than words do. They can say they love me, but when they showcase that love, that's when I know it is real.

2. I want to give all of me to one person.

I heard this great example my senior year that discusses this exact thing. For someone like Hugh Hefner, who was with HUNDREDS of women, when he got older, he said he didn't feel anything anymore when it came to sex. He was numbed by the whole experience. It wasn't pleasurable or for love. By having sex with countless women, he had given a little part of himself to each of them, until he had nothing left. Therefore, by saving myself for one person, they would be getting all of me. As a whole. 100%. This is special because no one else has that except for my future husband.

3. The idea of getting pregnant scares me because of the lack of security.

For the past three generations in my family, they have all had children young. 15, to 17, to 20 years old. Blinded by love. Manipulated by their hormones. They had sex and got pregnant. To see not only 1 woman, but 3 women in my life go through that, I know how difficult it is. You're a kid yourself. Personally, I do want children. However, I have so many dreams and goals for myself. I want to graduate from college. Get a good career. Travel. Fall in love. A lot of that can be halted by a child. I don't know if I would get to achieve everything I want to, especially if I would have to raise the child alone (which usually happens). So, by waiting for marriage, I am using the biggest form of birth control.

4. There's no comparing, if you have only been with one person.

Now, this is different for every relationship. However, everyone feels insecure or uncomfortable when it comes to dating and relationships. Knowing that someone has had sex prior, you wonder if you are shaping up or doing better than the previous. By only having sex with one person, it relieves the stress of comparison.

5. It brings me closer to God.

One important lesson I have learned from friends, college, and personal experience, is that relationships (when it isn't built on God), you tend to stray away from Him. Therefore, by making my relationship with God stronger, I fall in love with Him first. Then, I am capable of loving a boy and committing to something like marriage and sex.

So, no, my parents never convinced me to stay pure until marriage. It was my own decision. I have reasoning for staying pure and it's my choice. So, please stop shaming virginity in the 21st century, because I'm not shaming you if you aren't one.

tiannat
tiannat

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