I got my first official boyfriend when I was a 15-year-old sophomore in high school. Ever since then I was always the girl who felt like she needed to be in a relationship, never taking the time to just simply enjoy being a teenage girl. There were moments in between my relationships where I was single, no longer than a few several months.
Looking back now, I wish that I was not so "boy crazy" because none of them turned out to be the person I am supposed to be with, even though back then I could have sworn they were the true love of my life. I wholeheartedly believe I missed out on certain opportunities with my friends or family because of this.
Now that I am 21, granted it took me six years, but I have decided that I am going to not pursue a relationship with a boy, but one with the Lord. Over the past several months, I have had this tugging in my heart to get back into my walk with Him, to truly commit my life to Him. I have made this promise once before but my heart was not truly ready to accept the responsibility and the overwhelming love that the Lord has for me. I was too young and immature to understand but now that is not the case.
I had to go through some trials over the few years, go through experiences and find those to surround myself around that will be a positive influence in my walk in faith.
Our God wants every one of His children to know His overwhelming love, there is no lie, mountain, darkness, or anything in between where His love would not reach you. My love language is "Words of Affirmation" meaning that to me words actually speak louder than actions. The Word of God has been nothing short of perfect because I can read through scripture, the love He has for us all. His word also talks about the love to have for others whether it be a neighbor or a significant other.
Finding love and finding "the one" is something that over the years people and society have stressed over, and if you haven't found someone by the time you're 30 you might as well give up. Nowadays people turn to dating websites or go searching in all the wrong places for the one. I used to do that because I was so eager to find someone to just satisfy some of my ideal characteristics for a SO and for obvious reasons none of them worked out.
Another issue is that we give into the temptations of lust. Lust destroys consciousnesses. Lust destroys your walk with God. Our lust always costs us more, always thirsts. You can never fully satisfy its need.
Why? because we are not willing to wait for GOD'S BEST.
A lot of us are seeking somebody to just make us happy. But to truly be satisfied in life, you have to find the one. But "the one" isn't a boyfriend or girlfriend. It is God. We need to get into a relationship with God before we start dating. In Matthew 6:33 it states "But first seek His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
In 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 it says "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
These are the standards I want to hold myself and my future person to.
Though no human is perfect, it is important to always keep this verse in mind. I want to be so focused on God that the man, not boy, that I am meant to be with will be struck in awe. None of my previous relationships had God at its core, and I think that's the reason why it never worked out. I want someone who is completely and irrevocably in love with Jesus. Someone who can keep up with me spiritually, and keep pursuing God always.
I deserve a man after God's own heart. Not just some boy who goes to church. I vow to myself that I will not ever settle again just because I do not want to be lonely.
Instead of asking, "Why?" I am going to start asking, "What?" What is the Lord trying to accomplish through me? I will devote all my free time, pouring myself into Him and his word. Our God has a perfect plan for each and every one of us. We just have to be patient, trust in His timing and wait for God's best. Until then, He is my one true love until He decides I am ready.