How To Deal When You Want To DTR And They Don't

How To Deal When You Want To DTR And They Don't

Defining the relationship, commonly known as DTR, can be an anxiety-inducing topic for many people.

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In a world filled with hook-ups, casual dating, friends with benefits, open relationships and committed ones, it's so important to be on the same page when it comes to where you and your love interest stand. Here are seven ways to define the relationship and with these steps in mind, you'll better navigate the rough waters of dating and DTR once and for all.

1. Make It Clear What You Want From The Relationship

One of the most difficult parts any relationship or sort-of-relationship for many is clearly stating what you want. There are many types of relationships out there, but if exclusivity is something you want out of your current relationship, it's just something that needs to be said. It can be scary to speak up for yourself and ask for what you want at times, but you'll never get what you want if you don't ask for it!


Whether it be openness, exclusivity, or somewhere in-between, you'll ultimately want to ensure that you and your love interest are on the same page. Taking a stand and making it clear from the get-go what you expect out of the connection you have can really save both of you a lot of headaches and heartbreaks later on.

2. Ask Yourself What You're Okay With And Not Okay With

While it's important to make it clear what you want from the relationship right away, even when they're not quite willing to define it, it's also equally as important, to be honest with yourself on what you're okay and not okay with. Ask yourself, "What am I willing to give to this relationship, and what will I accept and not accept from my partner?" in order to decide what is best for you.


Some examples of questions you can ask yourself include, "Am I okay with us dating around or sleeping with other people? Am I okay with not being labeled as a boyfriend or girlfriend? Am I okay with us just being casual or friends with benefits?"


I think it's important for you both to have the conversation and figure out what you are okay with. If you feel that your relationship is not exclusive, then it's a good indicator that you'll need to be honest with yourself and ask the tough questions. At the end of the day, it's up to you to figure out what you're willing to give and accept — just don't sell yourself short!

3. Discuss Your Terms

Terms aren't just for legally binding contracts! They exist in any and every type of relationship whether you know it or not, and they need to be discussed if you're having trouble to DTR.

Just as asking yourself whether you're okay with each other having multiple partners or not, for example, that also doubles as a specific aspect of a relationship that needs to be up for discussion.

If your love interest isn't willing to DTR, then you should at least ensure that you have agreed on a set of terms, including commitment, exclusivity, or openness.

4. Understand Their Perspective

While it can be extremely frustrating to be involved with someone who won't budge on defining the relationship, understanding where they're coming from can typically shed some light on the situation.

Everyone has their own story, so really taking a moment to stop and understand a different perspective can help ease some frustration that you probably have.

Life happens, and commitment can be scary, especially for those who struggle with it or have had bad experiences with a past relationship. After all, we're only human, and our own thoughts and perspectives are what make us individuals!

5. Question If The Relationship Is Worth It

Now that you've thought long and hard about what you want and what you're willing to accept from your relationship, it's now time to question whether the relationship is worth it. It's certainly not easy, but just know that your time and worth are major priorities!


You've already been real with yourself about what you want and expect from the relationship, so you'll have to take that next step further and truly define your idea of self-worth and what type of relationship is worthy of your time and commitment (or lack thereof).

6. Decide Whether The Commitment Is There

Commitment – it's the C word that can send many running for the hills. If you still can't decide whether your love interest is committed or not, even without your definition, you'll want to consider what exactly avoiding that definition could actually mean.

When a person says, "I don't want to define our relationship," usually what they're saying is, "I don't want to commit," because as soon you define the relationship, then the other person is forced to make a decision and to commit or not commit.


Commitment is a major, if not the most, important component of a relationship, so if you can pinpoint your love interest's commitment or a lack thereof, it can become easier to decide if the commitment is what you're looking for.

7. Consider Ending The Relationship If You Are Unhappy With It

Okay, so, you've spoken up for yourself. You've asked yourself the difficult questions. You've discussed terms. Ultimately, how do all these steps help you deal with someone who isn't willing to DTR? Essentially, this process is the key in deciding on whether it's time to stay together or walk away.


Although it's super tempting to stick around and hold onto the hope that maybe they'll change or eventually want to define and label an exclusive relationship, that doesn't always happen.


Walking away from a relationship that probably won't change will not only spare your feelings in the end, but it'll also allow you for more time to seek out what you truly want from someone else. Your happiness is everything, so if the stress of defining your relationship is weighing you down, you do have options.


Defining the relationship is not something that comes easy, and that's okay! Relationships are messy, and rarely anything that is worth your time is easy. Just always keep in mind that there are actions you can take when you find yourself lacking definition in your current relationship, or whatever you'd like to refer to it as, and if you find that your needs aren't being met and that you're not happy, then walking away may be the easiest way to deal of them all.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

12 Things To Know Before Dating A Girl Who Loves Country Singers More Than She Loves You

They’re just as important as you, babe.

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If you're about to fall for a girl who falls for country singers, prepare yourself by knowing the following:

1. The playlist 

My playlist will go from Luke Combs to Blake Shelton and you'll have to deal with it. Your playlists are not an option. I will go on and on about how beautiful their voice is, but don't get jealous.

2. Releases

I will set alarms for new releases like Luke Combs "The Prequel" and you HAVE to be as excited as I am. I will be more excited about these releases than I am about anything else in life, but suck it up buttercup.

3. Concerts

I will give up time with you to go see my favorite singers and you’ll just have to understand. You can either join or not, but the plans aren’t changing.

4. Lyrics

You will hear me quote their lyrics more than I’ll say I love you, but just know I still love you.

5. Car rides

Every car ride will include country music, while it will most likely be Luke Combs or Adam Doleac blaring on the radio, you better enjoy every bit of it.

6. I will talk about how beautiful they are.

You’ll hear about their looks often, wether it be Luke Combs eyes or Luke Bryan’s voice, the looks will be brought up. Don’t get jealous, you’re just as handsome.

7. Their voices

Their voices are BEAUTIFUL. While I personally favor Luke Combs, just know I love yours too.

8. Phone backgrounds 

My phone background is most likely some country singer and not a picture of us, but you’re important, I promise.

9. Home Decor 

I will have pictures of Faren Rachels and I up before I have some of us, but realize I have plenty of pictures of us and one with her.

10. Awards

Whenever any awards are on, they’re number one priority compared to your Braves games. You can always watch recaps.

11. Singing 

I will randomly start singing any song by them and probably interrupt any story you're telling, sorry they're on my mind.

12. Dates

I will make sure any release dates for new songs, albums, or concerts are on my calendar; however, I will probably forget our anniversaries.

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I Asked 10 Brides What They Wish They Had Done Differently While Wedding Planning And Their Responses Ring True

When the engagement celebration sets in and the wedding planning begins, 10 brides give their advice on how to plan a kick-ass wedding.

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Maybe it's just me, but I was almost in a state of denial after our engagement. I was on this cloud and I didn't want to start thinking about what's next. But a week later we started thinking about possible dates, venues, and budgets and that when the stress began— which wasn't fun.

It's hard not comparing one's wedding and planning processes to those of the movies and other friends. But every wedding is as different as the couple themselves are; that's what makes a wedding spectacular and amazing! So with wedding planning, I have found some of the best advice I have received has been from first-hand experience. These 10 Brides have something to say when asked the question, "What is one thing you wish you hadn't stressed so much when planning your wedding?"

1. Too much pressure on the event.

"Putting too much emphasis on the event, rather than the reason for being there. Make a commitment to God and each other to make it through the good and the bad times. That's what really matters!" Denise, married December 24th, 1994

2. Take in the moment and live it!

"About the wedding day being perfect, it's gonna go how it's gonna go. Don't stress about it, just take in the moment and live it. Oh and don't be a bridezilla. Ruins the day and the mood." Kayla, married December 9th, 2016

3. Do only what you want to do!

"Worrying about everyone else! It's YOUR DAY! Do only what you want to do!" Ashleigh, June 7th, 2017

4. Don't stress the small stuff!

" Planning wasn't that stressful for me! But when it came to the actual day, there were so many things that I was like, 'this literally doesn't matter.' Such as the flowers or decorations or the little details. Of course they were all great and everything looked amazing. But little details you don't even notice on your wedding day. For me, the day went by SOOO fast! Everything was so fast paced and so I didn't even have time to glance at the decorations table or card table. Don't stress the small stuff! Because on your actual day, it'll be the last thing on your mind! Because you'll just wanna see your groom so bad that nothing else matters!" Kelsie, married August 19th, 2018

5. Too many little details that nobody else cared about.

"Too many little details that nobody else cared about that I cared about too much! So much time went into it which I loved, but it's more about spending time with all the people that you love in your life! They don't care how much money you spend on the day or if everything goes perfectly. They just want you to have a good day and they want to celebrate you and your love and marriage!" Savannah, married October 1st, 2017

6. It's about you and your spouse.

"How much other people thought things are important to them. Dang this is my day and what's important to me and my spouse is what matters. It's about us." Denise, married July 28th, 2007.

7. Having the "perfect picture" like everyone else in my mind had.

"Definitely all the details that you don't really notice, like the seating chart at the reception. Don't stress about getting things done the week of the wedding, if it doesn't get done then it doesn't get done. You're going to get married regardless and no one will even notice it. I also had to keep reminding myself, it's about the marriage, not the wedding. Pictures/video were a big thing I stressed about because I wanted it all to be "perfect" pictures like everyone else in my mind had...I spent so much time finding pictures and trying to match those pictures that I didn't enjoy the picture finding process. I would also say that the night before the wedding don't stress too much about all the details that you hadn't gotten to because it's going to be beautiful and you need sleep, especially if you are going on your honeymoon right away because then you wind up sick...
One big one I stressed about a lot was how well all the pinks in my wedding matched (I'm OCD) Cloth napkins, table runners, the bridesmaid dresses, to the decorations." Presley, married August 18th, 2018

8. The guest list

"Honestly I stressed about the guest list the most and still do even now. Since my fiance and I are both from a small town and both have big families, it took us quite a while to get the guest list figured out. Our wedding budget was also a factor in determining how many people we wanted to have as well. At the wedding you want people there that are an influence on your life and it's hard looking back thinking of all the people that have been a part of it over the last many years. Once that was figured out it was a big relief, but it has also been fun planning everything. Even the guest list." -Morgan, getting married in June of 2019.

9. Thinking too much about making it different or comparable to other weddings.

"I'm a people-pleaser by nature. And because we are young I worried about people looking at our wedding and judging based on what we didn't have. I compared it too much to my other friends' weddings, YouTuber's weddings, and the stuff you see in the movies. And finances were a big stress in the early stages as well. But once we took a step back to just process what our wedding meant to us as a couple and what we want our marriage to be, we were able to lighten up a lot and have more fun! Yes, we had to refocus our finances and savings, but really we just kept reminding one another that this was one day to the rest of our lives together as husband and wife. The best is yet to come. - Megan (Me) Getting married in September of 2019!


It's easy to get into the mindset that your wedding has to be "perfect" and it has to look like weddings in the movies or in the pictures of other people. But that's what's amazing about weddings. They are uniquely yours. If you have a hard time getting out of this mindset like I do a lot of the time, just think about your fiance. Remember that you are committing forever to the one you love. Marriage is more than just one day.

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