4 Disgusting Ways Guys Sexually Harass Women At Bars Just Because They Bought Them A $10 Drink
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I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling like I can't go out on the town and have a fun night with friends without being on edge. I'm tired of having to keep my hand over my drink everywhere I go to prevent it from being spiked. I'm tired of having to deal with this every single night I decide to go out.

It's not something that happens only in the movies, and it's not something that happens once in a blue moon. It happens no matter what we wear, no matter who we're with, no matter what club or bar we go to. Women can't seem to escape being assaulted, sexually and physically.

Guys, we know what you're doing. We're aware of where you are in relation to our bodies, whether you're creeping up behind us to try to dance or just trying to "slide past us" on the crowded dance floor. We know what your intentions are, and we know your tricks.

1. Smacking and grabbing our asses from behind

It's a bold move that I honestly can't believe you thought would work in your favor. Like, you actually seem to think, "Surely, if I smack this girl I don't know's ass while she's dancing with her friends and has no idea who I am, this will end well for me." It never will. It's disgusting, and it shows that you are, too.

I have no idea who you are. Unless I choose to dance with you and actually seem interested in you so much as touching me, you have absolutely no right. Sexually assaulting me in the club does't show your interest in me to me, but it damn well will result in me smacking the shit out of you and having security throw you out. You never have any right to put your hands on a woman's body, for any reason, unless she explicitly and coherently tells you you can.

2. Trying to grind, even after we move away

It must either be pretty hard to take the hint or you just don't seem to care, and I'm opting for the latter answer. It doesn't matter how crowded the dance floor is, you can tell when a girl actually wants to dance with you and when she wants you to go away. Too many times, guys completely disregard our body language and how we vocalize that we'd rather be left alone with our friends on the dance floor.

I didn't ask for you to thrust your crotch at me, I didn't ask for you to put your hands on my waist from behind. Learn to take the hint and respect women. Learn that you don't have permission to touch me in any way unless I give it to you. If we move away from you after your first advance, learn to ask first and to respect our answer.

3. Physically trying to get something in return after buying us a drink

Your decision to spend your money on us isn't any of our business. We don't owe anything to you if you choose to make the first move, and especially if we don't reciprocate interest. Don't try to kiss me, don't try to grab me, don't try to put your hands on my waist. Don't try to follow me around after I tell you "Thanks, but no thanks." There's an obvious distinction between being polite and being creepy.

4. Catcalling us as we walk by

There's a reason I'm walking away. I don't know you, and you yelling profanities and unwanted comments on my body when I'm more than likely just trying to walk past you to get somewhere else is completely unwanted. It's not flattering, it doesn't pique my interest, and it doesn't make me stop and think, "Hey, he seems like a real polite guy. I should go home with him."

It shows me that you're an animal, that you're comfortable with making me uncomfortable, especially if I disregard your advances. Then, you get angry that I would dare not be interested in you and instead hurl insults at me to save your pride. Learn when a girl isn't interested and when your behavior is incredibly predatory.

It's become normalized that the price of going out is the likelihood of being grabbed or groped. With a crowded dance floor and booze flowing, it's become evident that guys think they can use these things as an excuse to get away with assaulting women. Whether it's putting your hand on my lower back as you walk past me or whether it's blatantly smacking my ass from behind, it's all assault and it's all unwanted.

More often than not, women don't even bother reporting or saying anything about the assault and harassment they experience when they go out. They assume that they will receive the blame for the violation of their bodies because of where they were, what they were wearing, and how much they had to drink.

None of that matters and none of that discredits the fact that you've been assaulted.

Being grabbed in the club and having your drinks spiked at the bar aren't just "part of going out," and they're not acts that anyone should be comfortable with just disregarding. Bartenders and security need to be trained to intervene when they can tell advances are unwanted, and a woman shouldn't be threatened to be kicked out for smacking someone who just sexually assaulted her.

It happens way too often, but it shouldn't. Guys, you need to learn that these behaviors are unwanted assaults on women.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

6 Things You Learn Living With Your Boyfriend For The First Time, All Within, Like, 500 Square Feet

Love is patient, love is kind.

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Last summer, my boyfriend and I were at a crossroads in our relationship.

At the time, we had been together for over a year and a half, and I had just made the decision to move seven hours away to Los Angeles to finish school. Realizing we didn't want to spend the next two years apart from each other, we made the huge decision to move in together in the new city.

While living with my partner has had its ups and downs, I've learned a lot about our relationship. Here are six of the biggest lessons I've learned while living with my boyfriend for the first time.

1. There is such a thing as too much time together.

Most of the time we can't get enough of each other, but there are times when we definitely need some alone time. Spending all hours of the day cuddling on the couch can feel super good sometimes, but in order to keep our relationship healthy, we have realized that it is important to have outside interests, hobbies, responsibilities, and friends. This just makes it so much sweeter to come back home to each other at the end of the day.

2. Our relationship won't always be "50-50."

In an ideal world, we would split all of our mutual responsibilities equally. However, the real world is messy, and sometimes one of us needs to pull more weight than the other. When I'm sick, my boyfriend has no problem doing the laundry and dishes and then lavishing me with back rubs in bed. And when he's working long hours or having a hard day, I will do the same for him. In the end, we both care and love for each other equally, and that's all that matters.

3. We have different ideas about cleanliness.

I'll admit, I'm a bit of a neat freak. My boyfriend is by no means a dirty person, but little things like leaving shoes and clothes lying around bother me a little more than they should. Part of living together has been learning to accept one another's natural tendencies, being patient, and compromising. While my boyfriend still has a tendency to leave things scattered about, he has learned to be more conscientious, and I have learned to relax (a little).

4. Having different schedules can be challenging.

While my days tend to begin pretty early in the mornings, my boyfriend works night shifts, so it can be difficult to schedule mutual activities together, particularly SLEEP. However, the longer we've been together, the better we've been able to accept these differences and work around them. I'm okay with the few hours cuddling in bed together each night, especially because I know this is only temporary.

5. Living together is surprisingly easy.

One of the best things I have found from living with my significant other is that it is actually REALLY EASY. Sometimes I'll hear those nightmare stories about couples who move in together, only to find out that their lifestyles aren't compatible at all. I've been really lucky to find someone who lives so harmoniously with me. For the most part, my boyfriend and I work perfectly together, and that's one of the ways I know he's a keeper.

6. Our relationship is only growing stronger.

Honestly, my boyfriend and I might as well be married already, because the more we learn about one another, the closer we become. I love living with my boyfriend, I love being with him, and I have a feeling that we'll be together forever. Cohabitation is a beautiful thing, and it's one of the most important ways to figure out or wants and needs in a relationship. I just feel lucky I've found my number one.

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If He Says 'You Make Me Want To Be A Better Person,' Remember It's NOT A Compliment

No one should be relying on another person to make them better people.

bethkrat
bethkrat
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A lot of us have been there; he smiles at you sweetly, gives you a look that could melt your heart, and you let yourself fall into the kindness.

He tells you, "you're such a good person; you make me want to be better."

Your heart is a flutter, you're drowning in the sickly sweetness of what you take as one of the nicest things someone has ever told you. It's so easy to read it as though it's an admirable thing for anyone to say, but the reality is, no one should be held liable for making you want to be a decent human being except yourself.

It's one thing for people to bring out the best in each other.

When you find your happy place in the company of the people you love most in life, that's one of the greatest things in the world. That example of the "bettering" of one another comes organically. But to only find a desire to be kinder, more selfless, more decent because another person is kind, selfless, and decent is putting way too much liability on the other person, and it means not taking responsibility for yourself.

By telling me that I'm the reason he wants to be a better person, he's putting me on a pedestal that I cannot possibly live up to all the time.

He's holding me liable for his desire to stop his negative behaviors rather than it coming from a true desire to be better. If being with me or around me is the only reason he's decided he needs to get his act together and start being a decent human being, I'm here to tell him that he should really reevaluate.

Because what happens when we break up?

What happens if we have a falling out for some reason or another, and I'm not longer in his life to "inspire" him to be better? His desire to be better disappears alongside me, because his desire never really came from his heart anyway. He go back to the same negative behavior that he had in the first place unless he came come to the realization that being a good person has to come from a real desire within.

I don't have the time to pander to people who can't take responsibility for their actions.

It shouldn't have to be my job to show anyone what being a decent human being looks like. His parents should have instilled that in him when they were raising him, and if not that, he should have been able to recognize elsewhere what kindness and decency looked like in other people so that he could emulate it himself. If he's a grown adult who says he didn't recognize what being good meant until he met you, that says more about him than it does about you.

The point of all of this is simple; it is an extremely important life lesson to learn that you are not responsible for anyone's actions and feelings except for your own.

You are not accountable for the decisions someone else makes, and that's the truth. No one is dating someone with the intent on raising him and teaching him how to behave or exist as a functionally member of society, and no one should have to.

I'm not saying it's a red flag to hear it. Often times it is said with good intentions and sometimes it is meant in the organic sort of way I mentioned before. But my advice if you're ever told this; think about it. Consider it a pink flag, one that makes you do some evaluating before you smile bigly and accept the comment as though it is a badge of honor.

Above all, hold people responsible for their own actions and don't let them make you feel responsible instead.

bethkrat
bethkrat

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