To The College Girl Feeling Sad, Remember This When You’re Going Through That ‘Almost Relationship’ Breakup
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We never dated. When we first met before the semester started, I knew immediately that I was about to fall *hard* for this dude. He was (and still is) cute, funny, and smart, and our personalities just kinda clicked. Flash forward two months. We ended up with a class together and sat next to each other three days a week.

As the friendship grew, we started to hang outside of class until we were meeting up literally every day to study, eat, or just chill and watch a movie. We talked about everything. Our conversations went on forever in the best way possible. We discovered mutual interests and a shared sense of humor, and as we grew to be close friends, I knew that he was somebody I could definitely see myself dating.

But as I started to really like him, it was clear he didn't feel the same way. We had a cute, fun, flirty relationship, but to him, that's all it ever was or was going to be. He may have liked me at one point, but our little romance was short-lived and fizzled out within a few months. And while I was grateful he was honest enough to be real with me, having that conversation sucked. When you see somebody as your future, acknowledging that they have become part of your past hurts like hell.

For me specifically, the part that hurt the most was realizing that the romantic part of us was dead and gone. No more sleepovers, no more late-night hangs, no more possibility of "us." We were platonic friends, forever and always. He had just broken up with that part of us, even though in reality, there was nothing ever there. Maybe that's why it hurt so badly.

Sometimes, the hardest breakups are the ones in which there's nothing to actually break off. You never formally dated the person, so you can't formally end things, which just leaves you seeking "closure" in a bunch of old Snapchat memories that leave you missing him more than you did before. I can't imagine that I'm the only one who's ever experienced something like this, so I'd like to speak to those girls who have recently separated from their boyfriend-not-boyfriend. We're very misunderstood, but surprisingly numerous group, and there are a few things that need to be said.

Hey, girls.

1. First of all, you are valid.

People like to come after chicks for being too dramatic or sensitive when it comes to "almost" relationships, but I'll be the first to say that these relationships are a lot more real than most people think. After devoting a year to a person, confiding in them, trusting them, laughing with them, and believing that you might actually become something, "Hey, I don't want to date you" is NOT an easy conversation to have at two in the morning. You've put half your heart into this dude, and you just had half of that person ripped away from you. Of course, it hurts. Even if it's just a simple DTR to him, you've just lost a piece of your best friend, and nobody gets to tell you not to be upset.

2. "Separate's always better if there's feelings involved" ("Hey Ya!" by Outkast).

This lyric perfectly encompasses the problem of trying to be friends with somebody you like. One thing that was hard to learn was that you can't be "just friends" with a person if one of you has feelings. You just can't. Once you've determined that you're never moving beyond the relationship you have now, it's really hard to be around them without thinking about the fact that you'll never be able to be with them the way you want to. It took me forever to figure out this was the reason I felt horrible every single time I hung out with the guy. Like any other breakup, this one needs time. You're not going to get over him in two days. Give yourself time to heal before you accidentally rip the scar back open.

3. Sometimes, the worst part is that he actually did deserve you.

My mom's go-to post-breakup pep talk is "You can do so much better. He doesn't deserve you anyway." In some cases, this is true. It's really nice to come to the conclusion that this person was a jerk the whole time, and he never treated you the way you deserved to be treated, and you're so much better without him. It really sucks, however, to come to the conclusion that he was so incredibly good to you, but he just wasn't the one. In this case, it's important to know that it's not your fault. There's nothing "wrong" with you. You're not not pretty enough. You still have a great personality. This relationship wasn't right for you two, but it certainly doesn't make you any less worthy. Even if he was great, even if he did make you tea and cuddle you for hours when you were sick, even if he made you feel confident and beautiful and supported you as a friend, there are other people out there who will do the same! You're better off now, not necessarily because you lost him, but because you had an opportunity to learn about yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, and what you want in a future partner. You get the chance to grow from this and be stronger in future relationships or even just as an individual.

4. You're allowed to throw a pity party.

Girl. That shit hurted. I know it, you know it, Taylor Swift knows it, my Spotify playlist knows it, and it's okay to be sad. You don't have to be "over it" like that *snaps*. It might take a few weeks or even a few months to feel okay again, and it's not stupid just because you never actually dated the guy. As discussed previously, there are still plenty of reasons that you feel like your heart is breaking in two. But I promise this will pass. Call your mom. Go through your old pictures. Write a breakup letter in your phone. Listen to every song that reminds you of him and cry it out. You have to really let yourself feel the hurt before you can be done with it. Eventually, you'll be able to hear that song without tearing up. You'll be able to look at your Snapchat memories and be glad for the good times you had. You'll be able to move on. Because even if the guy you "deserve" is a guy like him, you yourself deserve a life and a relationship you're completely in love with.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

As Much As You May Want To, You'll Never Get Over Your First Love

You never forget your first

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Your first love is just that: the first person you've ever truly loved (besides your family and friends). Maybe you've kissed a few people before, but with this person it's different. They mean something to you that no other person ever has before. Maybe you met this person when you were younger in high school or met them a little later in life as I did at the end of my first year of college. Meeting my first love transformed me, both for the good and the bad, and as much as I may want to, I'll never get over my first love and neither will you.

When we met, we didn't meet in some fantastical way, we met on Tinder right after a surprise breakup of mine. We had instant chemistry, and I didn't get to kiss him for weeks because I ended up getting mono right after the breakup (haha whoops). He was the first person I've ever kissed who I didn't want to stop kissing- ever. Yes, second semester freshman year me was super extra when it came to him, but being with him was so different than anyone else. Things progressed through the summer as we talked every single day, even though we never got to meet up because we were both busy, and at the beginning of my sophomore year, I lost my virginity to him. That was a big step for someone who thought she'd wait until she was married. He made sure I was fine and didn't push me to do anything I wasn't comfortable with. I'll treasure that forever.

He was someone I loved with all of my being, to the point where it was physically hurting me in the end because I knew what I felt wasn't going to ever be reciprocated the way I wanted it to be. That's when I had to end it, which was one of the hardest things I've ever done. To me, he was a boyfriend, but to him, I was a friend with benefits. I wanted something more and he wanted less, and I didn't want to accept that. I wasn't his first love but he was mine, which he doesn't know and probably never will. I have had moments where I thought I was over him, but then all the emotions flood right back. In hard moments of hurt is when I miss him the most, but also in moments of joy too. If I see a nice car I think of him, or of other little things, like a french bulldog or The Fast and The Furious.

Your first love leaves such a monumental effect on you as a person. They have seen parts of you others have not. You will always remember your firsts more than anything else, which is why your first love never leaves you. As roughly as things ended between he and I, he's always going to have a piece of me that no one else will ever have. The relationship we had wasn't what you'd expect from someone you call your first love, but his mark on me is what helped shape me into who I am today for better or for worse.

Don't let any negativity remain when it comes to your first love (if there is any). Let it go and remember the good. They will be a part of you forever, so you can never truly get over you.

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Why You Keep Falling In Love With People Who Don’t Love You Back In Your 20s

It's embedded in our human psychology to always desire deeper connections and meaningful relationships with the people we hold close to our heart, even if the feeling aren't necessarily mutual.

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Can love truly be both beautiful and heartbreaking?

It's a question I silently asked myself, sitting shotgun in a car next to someone I considered my friend.

A "friend" seemed to be the right label to define our relationship. To him, I was just a friend—who just happened to be a girl, a girl he texts regularly, jokes around, and can grab a drink with. And we loved each other as friends, because we both trusted each other, we had fun together and each had our own independent lives which would connect occasionally in a complete, non-questionable platonic way.

But slowly, for me, he was becoming everything I've ever wanted in a guy, standing right in front of me. But he wasn't mine to have.

And imagine being so close to someone you want except you can't have him because it might just ruin everything you've already shared together. Because what if you scare him away? What if he replies by telling you "No"?

That's the simple nature of falling in love with someone you can't be with.

In our early part of our lives—particularly in our 20s and during our college years, we all experience this type of heartbreak.

To name a few: A high school boyfriend who lives halfway across the country now. The hot guy you sit next to in lecture who already has a girlfriend. The casual hookup who you just can't manage to stop thinking about as you endlessly toss and turn at night. The platonic friend who doesn't quite see you as being something more.

We all at one point in our thoughts have imagined "coupling" or sharing a life with a guy who we can't seem to have for ourselves. We've always dreamt how things could actually work out if you actually shared your feelings with him except the closest we'll ever reach to it is in our dreams, not reality.

And to examine the logic behind why this happens, we have to first admit how we always want what we can't have.

Because it's embedded in our human psychology to always desire deeper connections and meaningful relationships with the people we hold close to our heart, even if the feeling aren't necessarily mutual.

So, it's not really this case of the whole Romeo and Juliet "star-crossed lovers" BS but rather, it's purely a one sided love which can most definitely be beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. Beautiful because there's always a connection you feel which makes you all warm and bubbly inside but heartbreaking because you know this connection is merely flowing in a one way track.

So then, why do we tend to maintain our connections with these people who hurt us?

One reason is because you're afraid to lose him altogether. Perhaps you think he's going to go on full freak-out mode after you spill the beans to him. My piece of advice in this scenario would be to just suck it up and take the chance. Talk to him about how you feel because honestly, what's there to lose? Unless you're not reciting some sappy, over-the-top love story about how many kids you plan to have with him, you're fine.

But perhaps, the most common reason is because we assume he might eventually fall in love with us, too.

And if this pertains to you, gear up because I can write on for days about why this is a big no-no. Heck, I can probably teach a class or lecture to all of you about my elaborative theory of why you will definitely know whether a boy truly loves you or not. It's plain and simple—if he loves you, he'll make sure you know.

And you can't force someone to fall in love with you. Even if you pay them a million bucks, you can get them to pretend to love you or force them to be with you—but it's never going to be true love. Because true, unrequited love is effortless. It comes naturally. The fiery passion will be shared mutually and you won't ever have to question whether or not you belong with him.

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