Ah, hookup culture. With the popularity of apps like Tinder, it's no surprise that being in a traditional, serious relationship is looked down on a bit in college. Instead, everyone just takes to hooking up with one another. This is more of the norm than I ever would've realized.
I came into college with literally zero knowledge of hookup culture and how to go about it. Now that I'm about to be a senior in college, however, I've had my fair share of experiences and I know what my friends and I have experienced. Incoming freshmen, take note—take these pieces of advice with you in the back of your mind and you'll be good to go.
1. Use. A. Condom.
This is SO important. You don't want to run the risk of unwanted pregnancy or getting an STD. Even if you use the pull out method, that's not reliable. Even if your partner says they've been tested and they're clean, people lie. There's a wide variety of condom brands to choose from and many RA's and campus health centers will hand them out for free! There's really no excuse for not wrapping it before you tap it, TBH.
2. No one really cares who you're sleeping with.
I used to be the girl who would run her mouth all through class on Monday morning about my Friday night hookup with Chad from Tinder. I'm telling you now—don't be that person. No one, literally no one, gives a shit. They're too busy focusing on their own sex life or actually paying attention to what's going on in class. Save all the juicy details for your group chat with your hometown girl gang.
3. Believe it or not, not everyone is having sex.
To think that everyone is having sex JUST because you're in college is so close-minded. Believe it or not, there are plenty of people who aren't having sex and that's perfectly normal. Don't let the mindset that everyone is doing it force you into doing something you're not ready for.
4. Get tested frequently.
You should honestly get tested every time you have sex with a new partner, ESPECIALLY if you don't use protection. It's just the smart, responsible thing to do. You can't be living your best life if you don't have your best health! Don't let the stigma around getting tested hold you back - it's really better to get tested than to just cross your fingers hoping you don't have something.
5. That upperclassman that hooked up with you probably doesn't want to date you.
Once again, I was this girl. I'm just trying to save you from the tears. Just because he invites you over to his apartment to watch The Office and you end up hooking up does NOT mean he wants to date you. Nine times out of ten, all it's going to be is a hookup so don't hold your breath.
6. That being said, be honest with YOUR intentions.
Ghosting people isn't cool. Leading people on isn't cool. You obviously don't want people to do that to you, so don't do it to them! If all you want is a hookup, make that clear from the get-go. If you're looking for something more, be open with that. Communication will save you both a lot of heartache.
7. Change your damn bed sheets.
Honestly, change them more often than you'd think, but ESPECIALLY after you have sex. You just had some sweaty stranger rolling around naked on them and you're telling me you're just going to sleep on that? That's disgusting to say the least. Don't be this person.
8. Hooking up with someone who is drunk is sexual assault.
Someone cannot consent unless they are sober. That means that having sex with anyone who is drunk (or under the influence of drugs) cannot consent, so it is sexual assault. It doesn't matter if they're your boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, whatever. It doesn't matter if this is your first time having sex or if you've had sex together a hundred times. They HAVE to be sober to have sex with them. If you meet someone out at a party and they're drunk, get their number and save it for another day.
9. Everyone is nervous.
You're going to be nervous hooking up with someone, and that's perfectly normal! Are they going to think I'm bad at sex? Are they going to ask me to do something I've never done before? Are they gonna ghost me after this? These are all thoughts that will be running through your mind, so it makes perfect sense that you're going to be nervous.
10. Going from hookup to hookup will not make you more confident.
You may think sleeping with half of Sigma Apple Pie and a bunch of Tinder matches is going to make you feel like the queen of campus, but it honestly won't add any confidence at all. If anything, you'll feel used. There's nothing wrong with sleeping with a bunch of different people (just remember to be safe!), but don't think that it's going to fix your self-esteem.
11. Friends with benefits is, and always will be, the messiest thing you can get yourself involved in.
It's better to just not put a label on it than to label yourself as friends with benefits. Trust me. Someone is going to get attached, things are gonna get messy, friendships are going to be destroyed.
12. Just because someone wants to have sex with YOU doesn't mean you have to have sex with THEM.
Believe it or not, you can say no! You don't have to agree to hookup with someone just because they want to hookup with you. Make your own decisions, and don't be afraid to speak up if you don't want to do something.
13. There is NOTHING wrong with preferring a relationship with feelings and all that.
Just like thinking everyone in college is having sex, it's close minded to think that people in college aren't willing to have a serious relationship. There ARE people out there who want to date, it just won't be as easy to find them as it will to find someone to have sex with. But don't worry! You'll find your person in time!
14. Your dorm walls are thin.
You have neighbors. People will hear you. Be aware.
15. Your number literally does not matter.
Anyone who shames you for having a high or low number is a piece of shit and you shouldn't sleep with them. It doesn't matter if you've had sex with three people or fifty, as long as you're being safe and YOU'RE comfortable with your number. This all relates back to the ever-so-shitty stigma around sex.
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