'Haunting' Is The New Heartless Dating Trend That's Even Worse Than 'Ghosting'

'Haunting' Is The New Heartless Dating Trend That's Even Worse Than 'Ghosting'

If you've ever been ghosted, don't worry, it gets worse.
Aly Cook
Aly Cook
1528
views

We've all heard of ghosting. In fact, you're probably guilty of doing it. The act of "ghosting," or withdrawing communication with someone as a means to end a personal relationship, (thanks, Merriam-Webster) has become normalized in the age of hookup culture.

I'll admit it, I've done it before. Sometimes the chemistry just isn't there, and there's no need for long paragraphs explaining why. It's more convenient, especially if the relationship was casual. As long as things weren't too serious, no harm was done, right?

Well, if you've been personally victimized by being ghosted, it gets worse. And there's an official name for it: Haunting.

Haunting is like ghosting, but the person doesn't completely cut off contact.

This is that person who won't open your Snapchats and will ignore your texts, but they'll occasionally like one of your posts on Instagram or fave your tweets. This person doesn't want to be with you, but they want you to know they're still lurking just in case they change their mind.

Haunting is objectively worse than ghosting. With ghosting, all contact is cut off. They unfollow you on all social media platforms and may have gone as far as blocking your number. The message is received. When someone is haunting you, that message is not so clear.

The "haunter" (the person doing the haunting) is sending mixed signals which often ends up hurting the "haunted" (the person being haunted) more than ghosting would. Do they want to just be friends? Is there something I could do to make them want to come back?

Haunting is more likely to happen if the relationship was more serious. This isn't someone you hooked up with once and don't intend to see again. You can be haunted by friends and exes, which always hurts more.

As awful as haunting is, there is a clear solution to this problem: say something. It never hurts to ask, "What are we?" If you want to just be friends, say so. If the timing isn't working out, let me know. Be clear about your intentions.

If you don't get a real answer to your questions, or you feel this person is doing this to manipulate you, do the ghosting yourself. Like smudging a house with sage hit the block button on all of your platforms.

Take away this individuals ability to lurk and take back the control.

Social media has made dating way messier than it used to be, but it doesn't have to be this way. Don't keep your feelings to yourself. Trust me, it'll feel way better to have answers. And if they won't give you an answer, they aren't worth any more of your time.

This has been a PSA.

Cover Image Credit: Tony Lam Hoang
Aly Cook
Aly Cook

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

To The Guy Who Ghosted Me, You Broke Me Into Nothing By Saying Nothing, But Now I'm Bouncing Back

You betrayed me in a way I expected from any other guy but you

554
views

I thought I hit the jackpot. I thought it would take me quite some time to find someone to replace the guy I lost, who I didn't want to lose. I thought no one would come close to him, but that's when I met you. You made me forget about the pain of the past with your comforting words. You were so real, you have gone through your own sets of trials, been through hell and back in many aspects of life, and you were there to talk to me and feed me warm, happy maple syrup feelings I didn't think I'd feel again so soon.

You drip honey, so sticky on the inside but so innocent on the outside, upon first glance.

I gave in to you in every sense. I opened up, I told you things I don't like telling people, especially a random guy I'd just met. You're the kind of guy a girl can look at and say, "Wow, this is going to suck when you leave." You weren't supposed to leave.

I was the girl who wasn't a psycho like your exes, but you couldn't handle something too real, too tame. Your thrill for psychotic bitches is your downfall. I was going to ask you about where we stood and prove doubters wrong. You were the boy I wanted to bring home in a few months time, to meet my family, to meet all of my friends, but you never gave me the chance. You left me to plans that you knew would never happen. You betrayed me in a way I expected from any other guy but you and ripped out a part of me I don't think I'll ever get back.

I trusted you to a fault because I'm someone who always looks for the benefit of the doubt in a situation. I cut you slack, I gave you chances to tell me the truth. You owed me the truth and all I got was you watching my stories on Snapchat, an answer without words. You bought me flowers and candy for Valentine's Day and made me pasta twice because you knew I loved it. You let me meet your dog. How dare you do things for me to treat me like something so disposable? Did I ever even matter? I felt something so real, a cosmic connection, and you broke it with ease. You broke me into nothing by saying nothing, but now I'm bouncing back.

I may not be making any leaps or bounds at the moment, but I'm going to get back out there. It's unfortunate that you defiled the trust I had, but I'm not going to let that stop me from opening up to anyone else. It's just going to be a rougher road to walk on since you've taken the smooth exterior away. It took me days before I could really cry over you. I cried hot tears of true pain, that burned my face when they fell. That being said, those tears have stopped now. I prayed over getting you back, asking those watching over me to reverse what's written for me, to give me you again, to have you give me an answer.

You're not supposed to be with me. I'm not supposed to be with you. You're another step closer to who I'm supposed to be with. Maybe it's you, just down the line when you get it together, but I certainly am not holding my breath for you or anyone else who hurts me ever again.

You ghosted me, and now you're a part of the list of boys who have done the same thing. Your ghosting stung a lot and left me more vulnerable than usual. But I'm not letting you and your lack of respect for me prevent me from moving on. I won't see you around, except on Snapchat, watching my stories while I watch yours. I'm writing this for me as I heal and look forward to the day ambulance sirens and the sound of saying your name in conversations stops hurting me.

OMG, check these out

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Hey Little Sis, Heartbreaks Are Rough, But I Promise You That It's Going To Be OK

I've been there — we've all been there — and it sucks, but it's not the end of the world, I promise.

787
views

Dear Little Sister,

I know this sucks. Heartbreak is hard. Your first relationship lasted much longer than mine did, so I can only imagine how much more it hurts right now. I get it. But, you aren't alone in what you're feeling. So, here is my best advice for you.

Your feelings are completely valid

It does not matter if you broke up with him, or if you're still young, or anything anyone else wants to say. Your feelings are valid because they are what you are feeling. No one has the right to tell you what to feel—you have a right to feel your feelings fully.

Keep your chin up

You are a complete person all on your own—you don't need no man! You are great the way you are, and strong enough to get through it all.

Stay positive

This relationship didn't work out? That's OK! You're that much closer to finding the one that will. Mom's right—this just teaches you more of what you do or don't want in a relationship.

Don't jump into another relationship right away

I know you're used to having someone there, and the company and support are great. But don't let someone you care about become a rebound. If they really care about you, they'll wait until you're sure of yourself again. You deserve time to yourself.

You're going to learn who your real friends are—lean on them.

If your friends feel the need to pick sides over your relationship ending, they probably weren't really your friends to start with. Your friend circle is going to shrink a little, but that's OK. It's best to know who is there for you now. And while you're leaning on your friends, don't forget you can lean on your family. I know when you're 15 it can be hard to relate to your parents, but I promise you they care about you.

If you want to chill with Ben & Jerry for a while, that's cool

Puns completely intended. But, go ahead and eat the ice cream (there's no reason not to). You deserve it.

Do not forget your worth

You are beautiful and smart and kind. You deserve the best. Live your best life, my dear.

I know I don't have all the answers, but I hope this helps. I am always here for you.

I love you,

Your big sister

OMG, check these out

Facebook Comments