Ladies, Stop Freaking Out When Your Boyfriend Isn't In The Mood

Ladies, Stop Freaking Out When Your Boyfriend Isn't In The Mood

11 ways to handle rejection when your boyfriend doesn't want to have sex.
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At a young age, all the adults in my life told me men would only want me for sex. They taught me 100 ways to say no. As I woman, I was expected to be the one "managing" the amount of sex in my relationship.

News flash: It's 2018 and men can, should and do say no to sex, too.

However, we ladies never learned the skills to handle rejection in bed in a thoughtful, rational way.

If that applies to you too, here are 11 straightforward ways to cope with rejection:


1. Practice the platinum rule

I'm sure you're familiar with the golden rule, "treat others how you'd want to be treated." Personally, I prefer the platinum rule, "treat others how they'd want to be treated." If your man wants his space, give it to him.

2. Evaluate how you're feeling

Take a deep breath and acknowledge what emotions you're feeling. You might feel self-conscious, rejected, alone, tired, frustrated, or just confused.

3. Read the room

4. Tell him how you're feeling

Just like you practiced in elementary school, "I statements" work great. “I'm feeling confused" or “I'm not sure what happened" are a good place to start.

5. Remeber that it's not personal

You're great. You're powerful. You're dedicated. You care so much for your partner. Trust me, he cares for you too.

6. Ask him if he wants to do something else

We don't call it Netflix and chill for nothing. Try turning on a movie or try going for a drive.

7. Separate yourself from his (immediate) space

Personal space can help de-escalate the situation. This looks different for everyone, but try giving yourself extra room to breathe.

8. Put more clothes on

Did things got a little hot and heavy before he said no? Get comfortable again. Your comfy PJs will make you feel more comfortable in a less-than-comfortable situation.

9. Go get a glass of water

If you need a few minutes to clear your head alone, I recommend going to get a glass of water. First, no one will question your need to hydrate. Secondly, hydrating is good for you and you deserve it!

10. Read some emotional poetry

If all else fails, embrace your emotional state and read some amazing poetry written by some amazing ladies. I recommend Lang Larv, Amanda Lovelace, and Rupi Kaur.

11. Write your thoughts down

If you don't journal regularly, you should try this. Take out your phone and open any note-taking app, and answer these three questions: 1.What happened? 2.What am I feeling? 3.How can I help myself feel better?


Don't forget, this too shall pass.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

How Much Do You REALLY Know About Contracting STDs? Take This Quiz To Test Yourself

Time to find out how much you really know.

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I don't care what anyone says, safe sex is better than unprotected sex. There are a ton of myths regarding sex, STDs, and germs. It's time to learn the facts. Be kind to your body and protect it. Be honest with yourself and a partner. Even if it's a one night stand, STDs should be on your mind–don't let it be a turnoff. STDs have been on the rise and "The United States continues to have the highest STD rates in the industrialized world." This is your wake-up call.





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My Parents Didn’t Tell Me To Stay Pure Until Marriage, I Made That Decision On My Own

So, please respect my decision.

tiannat
tiannat
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As we evolve into a more open and accepting world, the one thing that is getting less taboo is sex. It's not something that is talked about behind closed doors. It's something that is on the television screens and easily accessible on our phones. People talk about it and promote it like it's small talk. It's so hard to escape, especially as a young adult.

To say that I am staying pure until marriage is a very uncommon thing, at least in my opinion. Sure, I have friends who are in the same boat as I am. But, even at a Christian college, sex is everywhere and most people are partaking in it. However, I decided to not.

Growing up, my parents never told me to stay pure until marriage directly. I went to church and heard about it in sermons. I knew that by keeping myself pure until marriage, I would enjoy it more knowing that I waited for my future husband. I understand that some people may not agree with me on this topic, but here's why I am saving myself.

1. I want to know that the man loves me.

For me, I want to have sex with someone that I love. Now, you may defend this with the fact that your boyfriend loves you. That's great. But, dating isn't always a sure thing. Boys (and girls) can say that they love you, just to get in your pants. And, they will. It happens all the time. And, because you are blinded by love, you will end up giving in and doing it. But, see, I don't want to be blinded by love. I want to know that the person I am with, is with me forever. By making the biggest commitment aka marriage, that is a clear sign that they love me and want me forever. This is a good example of actions show more than words do. They can say they love me, but when they showcase that love, that's when I know it is real.

2. I want to give all of me to one person.

I heard this great example my senior year that discusses this exact thing. For someone like Hugh Hefner, who was with HUNDREDS of women, when he got older, he said he didn't feel anything anymore when it came to sex. He was numbed by the whole experience. It wasn't pleasurable or for love. By having sex with countless women, he had given a little part of himself to each of them, until he had nothing left. Therefore, by saving myself for one person, they would be getting all of me. As a whole. 100%. This is special because no one else has that except for my future husband.

3. The idea of getting pregnant scares me because of the lack of security.

For the past three generations in my family, they have all had children young. 15, to 17, to 20 years old. Blinded by love. Manipulated by their hormones. They had sex and got pregnant. To see not only 1 woman, but 3 women in my life go through that, I know how difficult it is. You're a kid yourself. Personally, I do want children. However, I have so many dreams and goals for myself. I want to graduate from college. Get a good career. Travel. Fall in love. A lot of that can be halted by a child. I don't know if I would get to achieve everything I want to, especially if I would have to raise the child alone (which usually happens). So, by waiting for marriage, I am using the biggest form of birth control.

4. There's no comparing, if you have only been with one person.

Now, this is different for every relationship. However, everyone feels insecure or uncomfortable when it comes to dating and relationships. Knowing that someone has had sex prior, you wonder if you are shaping up or doing better than the previous. By only having sex with one person, it relieves the stress of comparison.

5. It brings me closer to God.

One important lesson I have learned from friends, college, and personal experience, is that relationships (when it isn't built on God), you tend to stray away from Him. Therefore, by making my relationship with God stronger, I fall in love with Him first. Then, I am capable of loving a boy and committing to something like marriage and sex.

So, no, my parents never convinced me to stay pure until marriage. It was my own decision. I have reasoning for staying pure and it's my choice. So, please stop shaming virginity in the 21st century, because I'm not shaming you if you aren't one.

tiannat
tiannat

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