6 Reasons Why I'm Bad At Dating (But Why It's OK)

6 Reasons Why I'm Bad At Dating (But Why It's OK)

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.
Aly Cook
Aly Cook
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I’m self-admittedly bad at dating. Especially while in college, relationships have been on the back burner of my life. Recently, I’ve tried to change that and let some new people into my life. I’ve tried all the apps, talking people up at parties, and trying to bridge the gap between being classmates and being something more. Dating in college is not all it’s cracked up to be. I might be bad at dating, but I’m perfectly okay with it. Here are some reasons why I think this way.

1. College is too short to miss opportunities for a relationship.

This could be as big as skipping out on an opportunity to study abroad, or as small as canceling plans with someone to do some extra studying. I found that I would rather spend the little free time I have working on myself rather than meeting up with someone I had just met. At this point, I'm not willing to put someone else's needs before my own, and it's just not fair to the other person to be halfway in a relationship.

2. Some people just aren’t looking to commit.

It always seems that in every new relationship, one of the people just isn’t as ready. I’ve been on both ends. Whether we’re too busy, think we’re too young, or just are genuinely uninterested in dating one person, this seems to be the early downfall of most relationships. It sucks when you genuinely like someone who doesn't want to put the time in, but I understand. Sometimes the timing just isn't right.

3. Dating apps suck

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Whether you use Tinder, Bumble, OKCupid, or something else, I’m sure you have something to say about how they work. Although they’re a really convenient way to find someone who has mutual interests as you, or at the very least thinks you’re hot, it’s hard to move dating offline. Apps are good for finding hookups, but if you want something more, Tinder isn’t necessarily the way to go.

4. I have little tolerance for playing games.

I haven't been in or seen a relationship that doesn't have some kind of drama. There are so many expectations for what people should or shouldn’t do when it comes to technology that creates a lot of problems that shouldn’t be problems.

Should I really be upset my S.O. liked another girl’s photo on Instagram? Should my S.O. expect me to tell him what I’m doing every five minutes? For me, the answer is no. When these tiny problems start to pile up, I’m quick to cut the cord. I’d rather be alone than have an S.O. control me in the name of being in a relationship. I'm not willing to give my freedom up to someone else's love.

5. I’m genuinely okay with being alone.


I enjoy going out and meeting new people, but honestly, I need time to myself. We’re all so busy with classes, working, extracurriculars, and hobbies that the rest of the time I have left over is usually spent on myself or with friends. I have such a great group of friends that I don’t feel alone when I’m not dating someone. Besides, I believe college should be the time you find yourself, not someone else.

6. Life doesn’t end after college.

I don’t know where I’ll be after I graduate, so it doesn’t make sense to start planning for a future that’s unknown. What do you do in a few months or years when life starts to pull you in a different way than your relationship? That’s a decision I’d rather not make. Besides, with every new opportunity is more new people to get to know. I’m way too young to think now is the only time I have to find the person I want to spend my life with.

As I began to let more people into my life I ended up learning more about myself. I realized that I’m too smart and strong-willed to spend time with those who aren’t as driven as I am. And those who are were usually too busy to be in a relationship.

If dating isn’t working out for you, don’t worry about it. We have so much to do as college students, we shouldn’t feel bad if we’re not dating someone. Life doesn’t end after college, so spend the little time here doing what makes you happy, not what you think should make you happy.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash
Aly Cook
Aly Cook

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

Cuffing Season May Have Ended But That Doesn't Mean My Shot At Love Has Gone With It

Hurt leads to happiness, never stop looking for it

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This time last month, I thought I'd met a guy who would put an end to my vacant cuffing season. He checked off every box on my list and created new ones to add to it. I was in a daze and things went fast and I was perfectly fine with that. Voices in one ear said be careful, while voices in another said go for it. I let my guard down, and I got played, it's as simple as that. He got what he was after. It stung and it still does. He took a part of me with him through the door, and I don't think I'll ever get that back.

I am still coping, but I'm better than I was when it happened just two weeks ago. I'm ready to get back up on my horse and ride the trail of single life confidently again. Some may say cuffing season is over, but I have to disagree. I refuse to give up on the search for a relationship and neither should you.

Some people find their person earlier than others, and while I am jealous of that, I have to remember to remind myself that there's someone out there for everyone. He's probably figuring out life, just like I am, maybe wondering where the girl of his dreams is. I'll never know what he's up to, but I'm sure he's probably going through or has gone through similar issues. If I give up, and consume myself with the fact that I always end up single and will be forever, I'll never get anywhere in life. I know my worth and the right person will see that and snatch me up. In the meantime, there is no need to just sit around and wait for him to show up.

I'm a work in progress waiting for the mechanic to oil me up and set me free. I'm free, but I want someone to be free with if that makes sense. Yes, I'm struggling with some self-image issues at the moment, but everyone has their struggles. I'm at peace with the woman I am and am proud of how far I've come in my almost twenty-one years I've been on this Earth. You and I, we don't need to be with anyone who's anything less than what we want.

You deserve the moon and the stars and everything that lies beyond. You are priceless, and don't let anyone make you feel differently. Relationships are meant to develop as their destined to, so forcing anything won't work in anyone's favor. That being said, be open and honest with who you talk to, and let yourself be hurt. Hurt leads to happiness, whether we see it that way at the moment or not.

I've had my moments of hoping that boy will message me again, professing how sorry he is, and asking for another chance. I'm a forgiving person, so I try and hear everyone out, even if it's against my better judgment. I know that this trial is just leading on to someone better, and I refuse to let myself give up because a few busybodies think cuffing season is over.

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Having A 'Talking Stage' Proves Why Millennials Just Suck At Dating

Because who actually "commits" in 2019?

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As a millennial who is currently in college, I've noticed that dating isn't how it used to be like back in 1995. We are the generation that can't live without our phones, are tech-savvy, and sadly, the ones who suck at dating.

This is not another bitter article because I "don't have a man," or I'm "jealous of what people have." In fact, I am actually in a good place and I am speaking on behalf of what I've seen. I'm tired of my friends coming up to me crying because their "man-who-isn't-really-their-man" isn't acting right.

I've seen more friends with benefits and flings rather than relationships.

Maybe I'm different, but I can't imagine just being around someone only to have sex. After a while, that gets extremely boring and if you have nothing else to offer, you just get "ghosted" instead of telling that person how you really feel.

See, in my opinion, that's the problem with this generation. Sex is considered meaningless now and it is basically easy to get. With all of these dating apps swirling around, it's almost impossible to avoid it. People would rather have meaningless sex than get to know a person and commit. It's like every time the word "commitment" or "relationship" is brought up, that person runs away. But they're so comfortable to have sex.

What really irritates me is that after two weeks, a lot of guys, in particular, get mad when a girl asks him to get rid of his "hoes" or "other girls he's talking to," but still expect a girl to drop their pants after talking to them for two hours.

That's another thing too. Let's talk about the "talking stage." So basically, by INFORMAL definition, the "talking stage" is basically when two people just TALK before dating. Did you make a face yet? Because that exists now. But seriously, talking about WHAT honestly? Don't you do that when you're I don't know, DATING? And even during the talking stage, people still have sex, which makes no sense to me. You guys aren't dating but you're not dealing with anyone else. In fact, they'll get mad when you're hooking up with someone else. And when you start to catch feelings, it ends with "Oh, I'm not ready for a relationship right now."

So what exactly are we doing then?

Wasting my time?

Imagine filling out a relationship status on a ballot or something and the options are; "single," "married," "widowed," or "we're talking." And no, that's not what "it's complicated" is for.

It's sad because I feel as if this generation forgot how to love again. There are many people who are currently in relationships who are lucky. But for the rest of this generation, people would rather bang it out then talk it out. And people would rather "talk" than "date." I mean, what's wrong with both? If you're happy with what you are doing, then do what ever you want girl! If you are in this situation and you're unhappy, then what exactly do you want? Attention is nice, but after a while, if that person isn't really fulfilling your needs, what's the point of being with them then?

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