6 Reasons Why I'm Bad At Dating (But Why It's OK)

6 Reasons Why I'm Bad At Dating (But Why It's OK)

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.
Aly Cook
Aly Cook
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I’m self-admittedly bad at dating. Especially while in college, relationships have been on the back burner of my life. Recently, I’ve tried to change that and let some new people into my life. I’ve tried all the apps, talking people up at parties, and trying to bridge the gap between being classmates and being something more. Dating in college is not all it’s cracked up to be. I might be bad at dating, but I’m perfectly okay with it. Here are some reasons why I think this way.

1. College is too short to miss opportunities for a relationship.

This could be as big as skipping out on an opportunity to study abroad, or as small as canceling plans with someone to do some extra studying. I found that I would rather spend the little free time I have working on myself rather than meeting up with someone I had just met. At this point, I'm not willing to put someone else's needs before my own, and it's just not fair to the other person to be halfway in a relationship.

2. Some people just aren’t looking to commit.

It always seems that in every new relationship, one of the people just isn’t as ready. I’ve been on both ends. Whether we’re too busy, think we’re too young, or just are genuinely uninterested in dating one person, this seems to be the early downfall of most relationships. It sucks when you genuinely like someone who doesn't want to put the time in, but I understand. Sometimes the timing just isn't right.

3. Dating apps suck

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Whether you use Tinder, Bumble, OKCupid, or something else, I’m sure you have something to say about how they work. Although they’re a really convenient way to find someone who has mutual interests as you, or at the very least thinks you’re hot, it’s hard to move dating offline. Apps are good for finding hookups, but if you want something more, Tinder isn’t necessarily the way to go.

4. I have little tolerance for playing games.

I haven't been in or seen a relationship that doesn't have some kind of drama. There are so many expectations for what people should or shouldn’t do when it comes to technology that creates a lot of problems that shouldn’t be problems.

Should I really be upset my S.O. liked another girl’s photo on Instagram? Should my S.O. expect me to tell him what I’m doing every five minutes? For me, the answer is no. When these tiny problems start to pile up, I’m quick to cut the cord. I’d rather be alone than have an S.O. control me in the name of being in a relationship. I'm not willing to give my freedom up to someone else's love.

5. I’m genuinely okay with being alone.


I enjoy going out and meeting new people, but honestly, I need time to myself. We’re all so busy with classes, working, extracurriculars, and hobbies that the rest of the time I have left over is usually spent on myself or with friends. I have such a great group of friends that I don’t feel alone when I’m not dating someone. Besides, I believe college should be the time you find yourself, not someone else.

6. Life doesn’t end after college.

I don’t know where I’ll be after I graduate, so it doesn’t make sense to start planning for a future that’s unknown. What do you do in a few months or years when life starts to pull you in a different way than your relationship? That’s a decision I’d rather not make. Besides, with every new opportunity is more new people to get to know. I’m way too young to think now is the only time I have to find the person I want to spend my life with.

As I began to let more people into my life I ended up learning more about myself. I realized that I’m too smart and strong-willed to spend time with those who aren’t as driven as I am. And those who are were usually too busy to be in a relationship.

If dating isn’t working out for you, don’t worry about it. We have so much to do as college students, we shouldn’t feel bad if we’re not dating someone. Life doesn’t end after college, so spend the little time here doing what makes you happy, not what you think should make you happy.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash
Aly Cook
Aly Cook

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

5 Questions To Ask Yourself When You're On The Fence With A Guy

Is he worth it?

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Whether you're contemplating if you want to continue your fling with a guy or contemplating breaking up with your boyfriend, there are always questions we're asking ourselves. Ranging from "is this right of me?" to "is this what will make me happy?" But if you are really sitting on the fence and don't know what to do next, check out these five questions you need to ask yourself if you're torn on what to do.

1. Do I want long term or short term?

This is a huge question to ask. If you're looking to settle down for a while, your guy may not want that. And it could always be the other way around as well. Make sure to decipher this with him so you both know what you want and no one gets a broken heart.

2. Can I see myself marrying this person?

I know this is a bold question to ask, especially if you're not dating. But really thinking about if you can see yourself with them for a long time can make it or break it. But say you're dating and you're on the fence of deciding you want to break up with them or not, think about if you can see yourself saying "I do" to them, and if you can't, let him go.

3. Can I see myself living with them/how do they live?

I've seen many people get engaged and move in together and later call it quits due to the way their partner lived. If you've been getting to know your guy for a while now and notices he lives like a pig, you may have to wonder if you'd be cleaning up those messes in the future.

4. How do they make me feel?

This question in a no brainer. If they make you feel bad, why even question continuing into the relationship.

5. Are they worth it?

Is he worth it? I know I have had some experiences when I was on the fence with a couple of guys and I've had to ask myself the same question. And when I'd question if he was worth it or not, my gut feeling always came out right. If you're looking to keep him around, always ask yourself if he's worth it.

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Girls, You NEED To Understand That Fuckboy Texting You ‘wyd’ 24/7 Will Never Give You A 24 Karat Ring

I finally managed to crack the code as to why your casual hookup will never try to make you his wife.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong
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There are five unofficial steps of hookup culture: Find a guy. Get to know him a little bit, but not too much (because you have to keep "boundaries," remember?) Make a pact to keep things "casual" and promise to still be "friends" with each other. Then, hookup with him. And keep hooking up with him without any emotional attachment — just over and over again and never expect anything more.

From a birds eye view, hookup culture seems so harmless. I mean, what's more convenient than having a booty call at your doorstep with the swipe of a screen? When you want to hook up, all you have to do is shoot that 2 a.m. "U Up?" text.

Hell, I even wrote a whole article about the perfect FWB situation.

Yet suddenly—here I am, Elle Hong, resident "Uncuffed" writer on Swoon and self proclaimed fuckgirl who glorifies hookup culture above anything else, catching feelings and falling for the wrong guys just like any other girl out in the world.

Consider this blasphemy. Or maybe I'm just dying to make a confession.

A confession that I, too, have experienced the feeling of wondering why I was never enough for the guys I hooked up with. Why they never chose me over the girls they would eventually form serious relationships with and why to them I only was nothing more than a casual hookup.

So, I thought about it. I critically analyzed it. I "Aristotle-d" my way into trying to find an answer behind the impossible question of wondering why I was never considered to be anything more. Over the past few weeks, it essentially became my new research topic and now, I finally managed to crack the code as to why your casual hookup will never try to make you into wifey material. Here's why.

First and foremost: Guys usually (but not always) choose to hookup with girls who they don't see as anything more.

Now, keep in mind I'm not saying that guys will NEVER fall in love with the girls they hookup with because it can happen. It's life. Life is unpredictable. No doubt, people have fallen in love on Tinder and married a random match who just happened to become The One. But we all know what Tinder is really for. Generally speaking, guys will seek random hookups with the types of girls they think are "easy" and if they're desperate enough, it's definitely not going to be someone they view as their future wife.

If he thinks you're cute, you're within 10 miles radius and you can hold a conversation, it doesn't matter what your annual salary is or how many siblings you got—he wants one thing and it's to get you in bed. And until a guys find this girl who captures his heart and inevitably makes him want to settle, he's going to go around hooking up with random girls left and right. So in this case, it's not your fault. You're just with the wrong type of guy who only thinks of you as his sexual conquest.

See also: Guys want to settle with girls that don't go around hooking up with other people.

Ironic as hell because I just talked about why guys would never want to settle, period. But think about it—guys are humans with rational thoughts and animalistic desires. When they find their territory, they mark it. Once he finds a girl who is the one, he never wants to let her go. And he never wants to see that girl be with another guy or god forbid, go around hooking up with other guys. So here's the moral of the story to get my point across: I hate to break it to you, but bragging about how many other guys you're f*cking outside of your current FWB situationship isn't going to help develop the relationship any further.

Finally: A girl's "hoe phase" might seem empowering but for guys they see it as a threat.

Thanks to the wonderful millennial encyclopedia that we call Urban Dictionary, we have a definition behind this certain life style: A phase in life which occurs when a girl goes around social settings exploring herself, committing promiscuous acts and connecting with random people. For girls, it seems pretty damn empowering, doesn't it? For us it's a chance to let loose, to live a lil bit more and to run around as independent women. Nothing wrong with that of course.

But for guys to perceive this type of lifestyle, they see it as a threat which could arise if they form a relationship with you. It's simple logic here. A girl who's in her "hoe phase" is more likely to be unfaithful since they're always out and about with this person and that person. Put it this way: a guy doesn't care if you're a hoe—but he only wants you to be HIS hoe and not everyone else's. So you might think that it's a great way to express yourself and to enjoy your college years, but keep in mind that it could possibly be holding you back from taking the next step with your casual FWB.

Elle Hong
Elle Hong

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