To The Boy Who Loves Me Next, You're Allowed To Leave Me

To The Boy Who Loves Me Next, You're Allowed To Leave Me

And I am not scared of it happening anymore.

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"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." -C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

I used to, in the past, fall for people because they made me feel like it was safe to.

The guy who brought me flowers on the first date, told me he would follow me anywhere a week and a half after meeting me, and blew hundreds of dollars to impress me, seemed like the right option. I was so proud of myself for ending the cycle of going for the "wrong guy." I ignored all of the red flags because he was a comfortable, safe choice. If he was that emotionally connected to me, I should like him. I chose to pursue him over a guy I had feelings for at the time because I felt like it was the "right" choice to be with the "good guy." It didn't matter that I felt nothing when he kissed me, that we had nothing in common, and that I truly was not okay with some of his life decisions. It didn't matter that he treated me horribly, because as long as I felt like he was loyal to me, needed me, and wouldn't leave me, I didn't care what happened within those parameters. I fell for security, or the illusion of security. I didn't fall for a person.

The biggest fear I had was if I let my guard down for somebody, that they would walk away. I couldn't have known that choosing security, choosing the person I didn't think would walk away, would carry me right into the most toxic and suffocating relationship possible — one that drained all of the life force out of me and actually never ended up making me feel any positive feelings. He mistreated me over and over, leaving permanent scars on my heart that I'm not sure will ever fully heal. But I felt like I had invested too much emotion already. Opening my heart up was the most difficult thing I had done, and I didn't think I could ever do it again after the immense failure I felt had come from that relationship. So, it was better to be safe with the devil I knew than the devil I didn't.

Eventually, though, the hurt came. He did leave, and it felt like he had taken everything from me but my ability to feel pain. Despite me choosing the safest route I could possibly find, I still was left totally devastated. But I wasn't devastated over losing him. I was devastated over losing my security.

This, unfortunately, is the caveat of love. If you can manage to fall for someone when they fall for you, you are very lucky. But you will never have that guarantee. Somebody could promise you on their lives that they will never leave, they will never lose interest, that they will be the one in your life who doesn't hurt you, but they still don't owe you anything. You could be with somebody for years and years and they could wake up one day and decide that they don't love you anymore. In a healthy relationship, the person you're with needs to feel like they have this freedom, and you need to be comfortable with them having it.

We have to be strong enough to be okay with this harsh truth. There are no guarantees in love, or in life. It is devastating to fall for somebody and to lose them. But the solution to this is not to avoid falling for people — the solution is to accept that you might lose them. But you must love them despite that.

You must love despite the risk because it is selfish to love somebody only when they have proven to be a low-risk investment for you.

You must love despite the risk because love is not rooted in codependency and safety.

You must love despite the risk because that is the only way you will ever be able to experience the deeply satisfying feeling of being vulnerable with somebody with absolutely no expectations of them, knowing what you're risking and doing it anyway, throwing caution to the wind- and for them to return it.

You must love despite the risk because everybody you love will eventually be taken away from you. Permanence in love simply does not exist.

You must love despite the risk because you are strong enough to.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

11 Things Girls Do To Kill Their Relationship Dead

God forbid he likes someone else's picture.
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1. Complain about your boyfriend liking another girl's picture

I get that jealousy and trust issues are a thing, but let’s be real-he’s with you for a reason. Really, a like is not that deep. Think about how many times you scroll through Instagram and blindly like someone’s picture. Also, you’d probably laugh if your guy complained to you about it. There is nothing more attractive confidence. Love yourself, girl.

2. Get mad at him for hanging out with his friends

Okay, I’m not talking about when he makes plans with you then ditches you for his friends. That’s mean. I’m talking about when you get mad that he chooses to go out with his friends on a Saturday night instead of you. Chill. Here’s an idea-go out with the girls. You have the rest of your life to be with a boy just like he has the rest of his life to be with a girl. Have fun with your friends while you have the chance! Separation is also healthy for relationships. You don’t need to be together 24/7.

3. Texting/Calling him multiple times in a row

If you’re dying, sure, call him. But also, if you’re dying, I’d hope that you’d call 911 first. Just because he is not responding right away does not mean that he forgot about you or doesn’t care. He’s just busy. The last thing a guy wants is to have his girlfriend blowing his phone up while he is trying to have fun or get something done. Also, it really makes you feel crazy, too. Just go do something to make you busy. He will reply when he can.

4. Tweeting about your problems

There is nothing worse for a relationship than social media. Tweeting about your problems just lets other people in on what is going on. Just talk about the problem honestly and in person.

5. Comparing your relationship to others

Every relationship is different. Just because Tristain took Debbie to “The Melting Pot” on Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean that you should get mad at Joe for taking you to “Applebee’s”. (Also, who doesn’t love half-priced apps and dollar margs?) You don’t have to be like anyone else. The important thing is that you spend time together.

6. Hating his girl-friends.

Hate to break it to you, but a lot of guys have girl-friends. I’m not talking about someone that they used to hook up with or someone that he just met. If he’s been friends with this girl for years, nothing has ever happened, and she knows about you, you’re probably in the clear. Freaking out and worrying about her will just put unnecessary stress on the relationship. Become friends with her! Who doesn’t want more friends?

7. Avoiding arguments

Simple. Don’t get mad at stupid things, but don’t let him walk all over you just because you want to be that couple that “never fights” and are “so perfect together”.

8. Choosing him over your friends

IMPORTANT! Trust me, if he’s the guy that you want to be with, he will encourage you to have some girl time. Don’t be that girl that goes missing every time that she has a boyfriend. Also, do not change your personality to try and match what you think he wants. The only difference that you should have when you get into a relationship is how you act around other guys (AKA, not flirting with them, unless you’re trying to finesse some free drinks.) Your personality and the amount of time that you spend with your friends should be the same.

9. Pointing out everything wrong with him

Newsflash, everyone has flaws. Telling him that he’s gaining weight or talks funny is just mean. Don’t think that you can be bossy and rude just because you are comfortable in the relationship.

10. Expecting things

If you’re mad at him, don’t automatically assume that he is going to bring you flowers and beg for your forgiveness. Don’t expect him to drive you everywhere. Don’t expect him to always take you out all the time. Be thankful when he does. Expecting things puts a lot of disappointment on relationships.

11. Going through their phone

All it takes is one guy cheating on a girl for her trust to be ruined forever. However, just try and trust him. This guy hasn’t given you a reason yet. Plus, imagine if he went through yours. Do you really want him to see what you text your mom and what your group chat is talking about? No thanks.

Cover Image Credit: taylormackenzie / Flickr

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41 Thank-Yous To My Boyfriend Who Stood By My Side For Three Semesters And Graduation

Life will be scary and difficult sometimes, but as long as you're there to hold my hand, I know that I will always be OK.

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These last several semesters at college, I've learned so much and I've changed so much, all because of one person. A person that came at a time when things were going downhill, and completely flipped my life around. I will never forget how terrible I felt before I met you, and how much better I am with you by my side. Truly, I don't know where I would be without you. And that's why it will always be impossible to thank you enough for everything that you have done for me.

But you do deserve to know how much of an impact you have on me.

1. Thank you for being my shoulder to cry on when I was struggling to get through this last semester.

2. Thank you for always listening to me rant about problems I was having with my friends.

3. Thank you for never getting tired of me talking about the same things over and over again.

4. Thank you for never acting like my past trauma was baggage or a burden.

5. Thank you for trying your best to understand and to be considerate of my anxiety.

6. Thank you for being patient with me when I take so long to process everything and sort out my emotions.

7. Thank you for dealing with my mood swings and intense emotions.

8. Thank you for never judging me over things I get embarrassed about.

9. Thank you for sharing your opinions with me, even when I didn't want to hear them, but I needed to hear them.

10. Thank you for opening my eyes to toxic behavior that I was blind to.

11. Thank you for always looking out for my health and well-being, and my future.

12. Thank you for helping me grow up and mature.

13. Thank you for always wanting to talk things out.

14. Thank you for making me feel important.

15. Thank you for giving me a reason to live.

16. Thank you for showing me what true love is.

17. Thank you for being my best friend and partner in life.

18. Thank you for breaking my walls down but never breaking a promise.

19. Thank you for keeping my heart safe.

20. Thank you for giving me endless reassurance.

21. Thank you for never making me worry about the fate of our relationship.

22. Thank you for always putting me first.

23. Thank you for being loyal and committed to me.

24. Thank you for all of the memories and adventures.

25. Thank you for never getting annoyed about taking photos.

26. Thank you for the best summer of my life.

27. Thank you for making college a much better experience for me.

28. Thank you for always putting a smile on my face.

29. Thank you for always catering to me and trying to make me happy.

30. Thank you for all the little favors you do for me and everything else you might think goes unnoticed (but trust me, I notice and I appreciate it so much).

31. Thank you for supporting everything that I'm passionate about.

32. Thank you for always making an effort to change.

33. Thank you for always forgiving me when I make (loads of) mistakes.

34. Thank you for being a good influence on me.

35. Thank you for being my role model and inspiring me to be more like you.

36. Thank you for the amount of time, effort, and love that you've put into our relationship.

37. Thank you for shaping my future.

38. Thank you for making me so hopeful and excited about everything that we are going to do throughout our life together.

39. Thank you for thinking that I'm worth it.

40. Thank you for wanting to get married, have kids, and spend your life with me.

41. Thank you for making my dreams come true.

Now that we've graduated, for the first time, we're dealing with the fact that we don't have a set path laid out for us. Real life is more than what we're used to. We might struggle to find jobs. Heck, we might find jobs but hate them. It might take forever to save up money. Things might not go according to how we planned them in our heads. We're going to have to juggle a bunch of different elements all at once. Life will be scary and difficult sometimes, but as long as you're there to hold my hand, I know that I will always be OK.

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