Too many times have I watched my friends break themselves in an attempt to fix a boy. Too many times I've been that girl myself. Trying to fix the boy who is emotionally unavailable, a player, a low-key alcoholic or has a temper, but he's just "misunderstood." I don't know why we ladies find ourselves trying to fix a guy when we are perfectly capable of dating someone who already has their shit together, but for some reason, we continue to pursue that unfixable boy.
Maybe it's because he is a challenge. If you're the one who fixes him then you're special because so many girls tried and failed before you. Maybe it's that maternal instinct inside of us. Constantly picking up the mess made by this dysfunctional boy. All I have to say is be warned—one day the mess you're picking up could be the broken pieces of your heart.
We pour all of this energy and devotion into a guy who doesn't even appreciate it. Maybe he does, to begin with, but what I have learned about "fixing" people is that it never truly goes as planned. Someone who is broken is either in the process of healing, doesn't want to be fixed or doesn't believe they are broken.
If someone is healing it's a lot easier to be there and help, maybe that's not a complete waste of your energy. The guys I am warning you to stay away from are the ones who don't want to be fixed— or worse the ones who don't even think they're broken.
Guys who don't want to be fixed are perfectly capable of fixing whatever their vice is. If they know they have a problem that's the first step. The next one is fixing it. If you are dating or talking to a guy (and let's face it Y'all are probably only talking cause he's "not ready for commitment") he will make changes that are needed in order to make you happy. Nothing you do will fix him if he doesn't want to be fixed. If he isn't making changes for you then he probably is never planning to.
The most unfixable guy is the guy who doesn't believe he's broken. At first, he will make it seem like he has been wronged. By someone else or by life itself. You'll help him through that and then eventually YOU become his target. All of a sudden everything is always your fault. The relationship is full of accusations and he is always the victim.
We pour all of this love and devotion into a guy thinking and hoping he will change. Just for him to move onto someone else or to hurt you. It isn't worth the risk. It isn't worth losing yourself.
These types of guys never fail to leave you broken and drained. In the process of trying to fix someone, you break yourself.
My advice? Dig deep inside yourself and try to figure out why you have this desire to fix people or why you allow yourself to settle. Are there problems of your own you're trying to distract yourself from? Do you feel unworthy of a healthy love? Pour that energy that you've been wasting on guys who suck into yourself.
While you're at it, try going for a guy who has their shit together. You'd be surprised how well those relationships work out.