Your Texting Doesn't Mean S**t

Your Texting Doesn't Mean S**t

Here is the definitive answer to why that guy Brad you f***ed isn't texting you back.

Modern dating is a shitshow. With constant connection through social media and the increasing inter-connectedness, our privacy and alone time has been cut drastically. Most people nowadays, through text, talk as much in the first week as our parents did in the first three months. This ability to constantly keep in touch with someone is a new concept in society and right now we are in the throws of its adaptation.

With unlimited texting standards on most phone plans and countless free messaging apps, it has never been easier to establish and maintain contact with someone. This translates into dating because now it's easy to have sustained contact and conversation with someone before ever meeting them in person.

From this concept comes the practice of "breadcrumbing" or texting a girl, leading her into thinking that you will take her on a date and want to get serious, but never actually taking her on a date and the whole time use daily conversation to build a rapport so eventually you can hit her up late night with the "u up?" text and she will know you well enough in order to feel comfortable hooking up and after you can "ghost" her, which means cutting all contact with someone. Breadcrumbing, also known as "fuckboy activity" is used because women, generically, are very susceptible to believing what a guy is saying and ignoring what he does.

In the instance of breadcrumbing, what is going through a woman's mind this whole time is that this guy seems serious because he talks about how he wants to take her out and although it never happens, in this case, it truly is "the thought that counts." Meanwhile, they text and build a rapport and engage in conversation, leading her to feel comfortable with this guy even though they have never met in person, they talk all the time so he must like her! This culminates when he hits her up late at night and her first thought isn't "Oh I've never seen this guy in person, I don't really know him" but "OMG I can actually see him in person now and that's awesome because I know so much about him!"

So the hookup happens and the sex is probably good because that personality side of attraction is already there, which definitely ups the chances of said female catching feelings and then the guy disappears from her life, having completed his end goal of fucking her. It's at this stage in which the girl is usually quite butthurt about the whole thing because she thought they had a connection when in reality she just ended up reading into the situation too much and trusting his words over his actions, leading her to feel betrayed.

Now some might say "Well it's her fault for being naive," but I think it's more about being aware of the tactics and not letting yourself fall into the trap. While what the guy did is hella fucked up, saying "Hey, that's bad don't do that," will not make people stop doing something. I mean look people still say retarded even though it's now "offensive."

As a woman, the best way to protect yourself against this mindset of "texting means a guy is into me" is you have to force yourself to look at someone's actions and not their words, for that is the most telling of who they are. And if a guy hits you up late night and you're looking for something serious, respond with "why don't we do something during the day" and it'll force his hand on whether he wants to end talking to you or get serious about grabbing drinks.

Cover Image Credit: Odyssey

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I Found My 'Prince Charming' But Messed It Up, And Yet, We're Still Friends

I'd rather have him in my life as something rather than nothing at all.

As young girls, we become familiar with fairy-tales such as Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Snow White. In all of the named fairy-tales, there are numerous tragic trials and tribulations that keep two characters from happiness. In the end, a prince and princess get married and live happily ever after.

Fairy-tales such as these make us believe in miracles and finding true love.

As we transition into adulthood, we discover that finding love, in reality, isn’t how the books/movies made it out to be, but that doesn't mean it is impossible. It is much more difficult than foot matching a slipper and getting married right after or meeting someone for the first time and immediately falling in love with each other.

In the real world, feelings often go unnoticed or are hidden, or love is simply one-sided with one person desperately holding on and another letting go. People lie, cheat, lose feelings, give up, change, betray, use others, take advantage of others and much more.

We learn this the hard way, whether we are a victim or the opposite.

In my case, I'm not the victim, but I was in love and suffered from the consequences of my actions. I would never have dreamed that my ‘Prince Charming’ would be someone I went to high school with, that is overly obsessed with shoes, and drives a Ford. Someone that can be described as one in a million.

With that being said, it is not surprising that I messed it up.

It started out as the usual asking each other for a piece of gum or him sliding up to send a flirty comment on my Snapchat story. There were hardly any conversations between us outside of a classroom.

Freshman year, I was waiting to go back to my dorm after the first day of my classes when he unexpectedly approached me and another person. A conversation began and the rest is history.

From that day on, our friendship got tighter and soon we were talking. We saw each other every Monday and Wednesday, and occasionally, a few other days every so often.

We were never more than friends because I betrayed him two times. My selfish actions caused him to lose faith and trust in me which caused a lot of pain and grief for me.

Despite my almost constant begging, he never gave me another chance. I can't say that I don't blame him because I don't deserve another one. It was then that I realized what I had right in front of me and how badly I needed to change my ways.

I never knew what love really was until I met him, and I never knew what it was like to need someone so bad until I lost him.

After all that happened, I still fell harder for him with every day that passed because we decided to stay friends.

The cliche jittery feeling in your stomach, tingly feeling all over your body, and take-your-breath-away kisses came to life with him. He made me feel safe and secure, as well as cared about and worthy. He was all I could think about.

I loved him and everything about him: his dark and lustrous hair, how deep his voice would get when he laughed too hard, his eyes, lips, smile, and mostly his love for God.

I loved hearing about new shoes that he wanted, even though I acted like I didn't, or shoes that he bought and couldn't stop talking about or showing off. (When he got Yeezy's he was more than annoying but it was adorable at the same time.) I loved how it felt to be held by him. I loved all of his flaws and imperfections. I loved him because he made me laugh more than any person ever has.

I loved him because, for the first time in a long time, I was genuinely happy. A smile didn't have to be faked around him. I loved him because he made me feel like nobody ever has.

I could see a future with him.

Today we are still friends, but that doesn't mean that I don't get the same feelings that I did in the beginning.

It doesn't mean that my heart doesn't feel like it's falling out of my chest every time he is in my presence because I know that he will never be mine.

It doesn't mean that I don't have to fight back tears every time I hear his voice.

It doesn't mean that it's easy being around him or having a class with him.

It doesn't mean that it's easy hearing him talk about his new shoes or hearing him say my name.

It's not easy at all. If I could redo everything with him, I would in a heartbeat. I would do and make everything right.

At the end of the day, I still can't picture myself with anyone else. Trying to move on is a struggle. Being his friend does not help, but at the same time, I'd rather have him in my life as something rather than nothing at all.

I know that God will never give us more than we can handle, and if it's meant to be, it will be when God wants it to be. God has a plan, even if it isn't your desired fairy-tale.

One day we will understand why it never worked out with anyone else. The best thing to do is leave all your troubles and worries for God to handle and have faith that everything will get better.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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Should You Actually Delete Photos With An Ex After The Breakup?

Once they are deleted, there is no turning back.

With Valentine's Day coming up, a lot of singles out there may start to have that feeling of dread. With all of the love in air, it can be tough if you aren't in a relationship at the moment. You may even be tempted to go back through old pictures with an ex. For a moment, you consider deleting them, so you'll stop going back and looking whenever you feel an ounce of loneliness.

Or, you could be going through a breakup right now. On one end of the spectrum, you may never want to see this person again. On the flip side, maybe you are holding out hope that this person will come back to you or you are hoping to be friends at some point. Either way, breakups are tough but trust me, you're tougher.

Whatever the case may be, you want to know what you should do about the pictures of your past staring back at you from your phone. Should you keep all of these pictures of you and your ex, or should you delete them? The answer is more complicated than you think.

Unless the relationship ended for insanely horrible or traumatic reasons, don't delete the pictures for good.

I know what you are thinking, "but, what if I just don't want to see their face anymore?" That is completely understandable. But, chances are, you won't feel that way forever.

Whether you like it or not, the relationship did have some good times. Those times are memories that did happen and you may want to look back on those one day. This is especially true if you were with the person for a long time. Those are years of memories that you might want to look back on one day down the line. The pain of the breakup won't last forever and negative feelings towards that person may fade, but deleting the pictures are permanent.

Thankfully, there are some options to not see their face but still keep the pictures. You could always crop the person out, and un-crop it later on when you feel ready. Or, take them off of your phone but have them saved in a file on your computer. Lastly, you could even have them printed and then deleted off of your phone.

So, think twice before giving in to the urge to destroy all traces of your ex out of your life for good. Although, at the end of the day, it is your decision, and you should do what you think is best to help you move on. Every relationship is unique, and so is the recovery process after the breakup.

Cover Image Credit: 123rf

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