To the one that got away,

Before everyone gets too excited, this isn’t an open letter to any of my exes. This is for all girls going through break-ups thinking that guy is the one that got away. While I don’t know your situation, I know that more often than not this just isn’t really the case. Maybe he’s not the worst thing you lost at the end of this relationship. Maybe it’s you, the parts of the girl you used to be before you gave too much of yourself to him.

Maybe He’s not the one that got away. You are.

You loved him, I know. You loved him so much you gave him everything you possibly could, and did all you knew to do in order not to lose him, but as a result, you lost you.

You think he’s the one who got away because of the way this break up has left you feeling right now- lonely, hurt, scared, unwanted, unworthy- but you didn’t lose your worth and value when you lost him. You only feel like you lost your worth and value because you decided to put it in him, and now that he’s gone you think he took it with him, but he didn’t.

He’s not the one who got away. You are. At least the girl you used to be.

The girl you were before you fell in love with him, she’s the one who got away. She’s the one he fell in love with from the start, and she’s the one with the pure and unbroken heart.

She’s the girl who knew what she wanted, not the girl who had centered every plan and dream on a boy. I know how easy it is to be in love and start dreaming of all of the one days the two of you are going to spend together. And while those dreams are great, just because the relationship ended up not so great doesn’t mean all of your dreams ended with it.

You had goals, dreams, and plans before him, and when you truly think about it, most of yours started molding and shifting to fit his, which is why you no longer know what it is you want. But the girl you used to be did, and she’ll figure it out again.

She’s the girl who cared so much about so many things, but not so much about someone’s opinion of her. He made you feel beautiful, wanted, and all of those other amazing things until suddenly that stopped. Now you feel insecure without reassurance. You feel unwanted and stupid because maybe he’s already making someone else feel that way, or maybe he just doesn’t care at all, or maybe he’s making it seem like you’re crazy (and let’s face it you might be).

Obviously what he thinks and feels matters to you, at least it did, but if he no longer thinks you’re amazing then the only way you’ll be crazy is if you believe him. You no longer feel confident, but the girl you used to be did, and she’ll feel it again.

She’s the girl who had those real friends, not the girl who had isolated herself to only him. Maybe he was your best friend, and this break-up is hitting you extra hard because there is nothing worse than losing a best friend. But you had one before him too. You’ve had other people all along in your life you could go to.

You just wanted to spend all of your time with him, but now there is no the two of you there’s just you and you feel like you have no friends. But the girl you used to be did, and she’ll find them again.

She’s the girl who was happy, not the girl who needed a guy to make her that way. I get it, for all the reasons stated above and many more right now you don’t feel very happy and that’s okay. It’s an emotion, not a permanent state of being. But remember that. He is not the only thing in the world that has ever or will ever make you as happy as you were on those great days the two of you had.

He may not even be the only thing capable of making you this sad because all of those are just feelings and they come and they go. You don’t know how to be happy on your own right now, but the girl you used to be did, and she will be again.

So stop spending all of your time trying to figure out what went wrong with him, or how you can get him back or replace him. He’s not the one that got away. You are. The girl you used to be before you changed so much to fit him, she’s still there somewhere, go find the good parts of her again.

**Song inspiration: Miss Me More by Kelsea Ballerini**