10 Unwritten Rules That You NEED To Follow For A Healthy Sexual Relationship

10 Unwritten Rules That You NEED To Follow For A Healthy Sexual Relationship

It's about more than knowing that no means no.
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The college years are very allowing for sexual exploration. And while there's nothing inherently wrong with wanting to experiment with sexual acts, you also have to be conscious of the dos and don'ts associated with that decision.

If you're in a sexual relationship, here are 10 things that you should definitely consider in trying to respect not only your own wishes but your partner's as well:

1. Don't make your partner feel guilty for declining sex

Being in a committed relationship does NOT in any way guarantee that you will have sex whenever one of you pleases.

Both partners must be in complete agreement that sexual acts can take place, and if your significant other declines, respect their wishes and move on. Don't try to guilt them into having sex with you, that is emotionally abusive and, technically, it isn't fully consensual if you had to force them to go along with it.

2. Don't claim that you're upset/angry/sad and will only feel better if you have sex


"Aw, come on, babe, my dog just died…can't you help me feel better?"

Honestly, if you would stoop so low as to use a recent tragedy or personal failure as an excuse to score, you probably don't even deserve the relationship you're in at all. Sex isn't a cure-all for your hurt feelings suck it up and find another way to feel better that doesn't involve your partner's discomfort.

3. You have no right to get unreasonably frustrated when your partner says no

It's OK to be annoyed if your partner continually refuses to have sex, but unless you can calmly discuss why you feel that way and reach a compromise, DON'T BRING IT UP.

And definitely don't whine about how much you miss having sex or throw a temper tantrum because they aren't in the mood. Whether it's one night or five nights in a row doesn't matter, it's less-than-ideal if you were hoping to get some, but you should be mature enough to accept that it's not going to happen.

4. You should care about your partner's satisfaction as much as you care about your own

So you're perfectly OK with letting your partner do all the work to ensure you get your fix of pleasure, but the moment they ask you to reciprocate, you claim you can't be bothered? If they were so kind to scratch your back, it's only polite and decent to return the favor and scratch theirs.

5. Know that getting carried away "in the heat of the moment" is NOT a valid excuse for not stopping when they wanted you to

While it might be physically difficult to stop right in the middle of what you're doing to pull back and cool off, it isn't impossible. Your partner asking you to stop should immediately snap you out of your aroused haze, and if it doesn't, don't resist when they try to push you away themselves. Nobody wants to hear your "heat of passion" excuse, pal — no means no.

6. Make sure your partner is comfortable with you discussing your sex life with your friends before you talk about it

Maybe you're new to the whole sex thing and want to tell your friends the gritty details of your experience of losing your virginity. Or maybe you just want to brag about how amazing it was. Either way, please confirm that your partner is 100% onboard with you taking your sex life out of the bedroom. Don't embarrass or hurt them (or yourself) by oversharing what shouldn't be talked about.

7. Don't use sex as a means of apologizing

Make-up sex should follow a meaningful verbal apology, not vice versa. It's OK if you slip up a few times with this only if your partner says it's OK that it happened. But don't neglect their desire for a genuine apology and don't think your bedroom eyes will erase any trace of a fight or argument.

8. Don't lie about having or not having STDs

It's outright disgusting and beyond disrespectful to lie to your partner about having or not having a sexually-transmitted disease. Not only do you risk infecting them, but you also demonstrate that you are a completely untrustworthy and deceitful person. You shouldn't be ashamed of your illness, and you definitely shouldn't keep it a secret if it could be harmful to your partner's health. And even if it ISN'T harmful to their health, if they ask, TELL THEM THE TRUTH.

9. Don't be offended if your partner asks you to get tested

Just because your partner would like you to get tested before having sex doesn't mean they think you've been promiscuous or irresponsible. All they want is the extra security and to confirm that you're healthy and won't transmit any infections. Believe me, there is nothing sexier than 100% safe and disease-free sex.

10. If your partner wants you to wear a condom, DO. IT. (and the same goes for birth control)

Guys, whether you're involved with a girl or another guy, if they would like you to wear a condom, please respect their wishes and do so. Sure, the sensation might differ if you've got it wrapped, but isn't that a lesser evil than an unwanted pregnancy or transmitted infection?

And girls, if you aren't ready to be pregnant, you should definitely use some form of birth control in addition to your man's wearing a condom. Condoms can break, but if you're on the pill, you've got a much weaker chance of having an accident —knowing that will definitely help you breathe more easily.

Remember: When it comes to sex, be safe, be smart, and always be respectful.

Cover Image Credit: Becca Tapert

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

How Much Do You REALLY Know About Contracting STDs? Take This Quiz To Test Yourself

Time to find out how much you really know.

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I don't care what anyone says, safe sex is better than unprotected sex. There are a ton of myths regarding sex, STDs, and germs. It's time to learn the facts. Be kind to your body and protect it. Be honest with yourself and a partner. Even if it's a one night stand, STDs should be on your mind–don't let it be a turnoff. STDs have been on the rise and "The United States continues to have the highest STD rates in the industrialized world." This is your wake-up call.





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My Parents Didn’t Tell Me To Stay Pure Until Marriage, I Made That Decision On My Own

So, please respect my decision.

tiannat
tiannat
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As we evolve into a more open and accepting world, the one thing that is getting less taboo is sex. It's not something that is talked about behind closed doors. It's something that is on the television screens and easily accessible on our phones. People talk about it and promote it like it's small talk. It's so hard to escape, especially as a young adult.

To say that I am staying pure until marriage is a very uncommon thing, at least in my opinion. Sure, I have friends who are in the same boat as I am. But, even at a Christian college, sex is everywhere and most people are partaking in it. However, I decided to not.

Growing up, my parents never told me to stay pure until marriage directly. I went to church and heard about it in sermons. I knew that by keeping myself pure until marriage, I would enjoy it more knowing that I waited for my future husband. I understand that some people may not agree with me on this topic, but here's why I am saving myself.

1. I want to know that the man loves me.

For me, I want to have sex with someone that I love. Now, you may defend this with the fact that your boyfriend loves you. That's great. But, dating isn't always a sure thing. Boys (and girls) can say that they love you, just to get in your pants. And, they will. It happens all the time. And, because you are blinded by love, you will end up giving in and doing it. But, see, I don't want to be blinded by love. I want to know that the person I am with, is with me forever. By making the biggest commitment aka marriage, that is a clear sign that they love me and want me forever. This is a good example of actions show more than words do. They can say they love me, but when they showcase that love, that's when I know it is real.

2. I want to give all of me to one person.

I heard this great example my senior year that discusses this exact thing. For someone like Hugh Hefner, who was with HUNDREDS of women, when he got older, he said he didn't feel anything anymore when it came to sex. He was numbed by the whole experience. It wasn't pleasurable or for love. By having sex with countless women, he had given a little part of himself to each of them, until he had nothing left. Therefore, by saving myself for one person, they would be getting all of me. As a whole. 100%. This is special because no one else has that except for my future husband.

3. The idea of getting pregnant scares me because of the lack of security.

For the past three generations in my family, they have all had children young. 15, to 17, to 20 years old. Blinded by love. Manipulated by their hormones. They had sex and got pregnant. To see not only 1 woman, but 3 women in my life go through that, I know how difficult it is. You're a kid yourself. Personally, I do want children. However, I have so many dreams and goals for myself. I want to graduate from college. Get a good career. Travel. Fall in love. A lot of that can be halted by a child. I don't know if I would get to achieve everything I want to, especially if I would have to raise the child alone (which usually happens). So, by waiting for marriage, I am using the biggest form of birth control.

4. There's no comparing, if you have only been with one person.

Now, this is different for every relationship. However, everyone feels insecure or uncomfortable when it comes to dating and relationships. Knowing that someone has had sex prior, you wonder if you are shaping up or doing better than the previous. By only having sex with one person, it relieves the stress of comparison.

5. It brings me closer to God.

One important lesson I have learned from friends, college, and personal experience, is that relationships (when it isn't built on God), you tend to stray away from Him. Therefore, by making my relationship with God stronger, I fall in love with Him first. Then, I am capable of loving a boy and committing to something like marriage and sex.

So, no, my parents never convinced me to stay pure until marriage. It was my own decision. I have reasoning for staying pure and it's my choice. So, please stop shaming virginity in the 21st century, because I'm not shaming you if you aren't one.

tiannat
tiannat

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