Having 'High Standards' Might Not Get Me A Relationship Right Now, But It’ll Get Me The Right One, Later

Having 'High Standards' Might Not Get Me A Relationship Right Now, But It’ll Get Me The Right One, Later

Until I get that feeling, that indescribable sensation that someone has to be a part of my life, I'm okay with waiting.

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Having been single my whole life (we don't need to mention those middle school/early high school days), I've observed a lot of relationships. I've seen so many variations, from my parents being married and in love for 30 years, to short and tense summer "loves." And through my years of observations and experiences around couples, I've mused about what I want in a relationship. And more importantly, what I want in a partner.

I'm passed the immature days of crushes and drama, now transitioning into the reality of life and love. My friends and family are getting married and starting families, effectively experiencing every range of emotions and challenges in their relationships. And, nosy as I can be, I experience them too, in my own way.

What I have come to notice especially, is that everyone has their own taste and attractions. I don't just mean this in the physical sense, but in personality and opinion as well. What seems to work in my friends' relationships, wouldn't fit for me. I'm not saying that I need something better than what they have, just something different.

I have what some would call a strong personality. I think that fits me, in the way that I am grounded in my experiences, passions, opinions, and beliefs. I have focused on my own growth for so long that I feel more attuned to my desires in and for life. Thinking about my interests and goals, and then comparing them to the options and examples I've seen, I consider myself to have high standards.

But, high standards aren't a bad thing. At least, not when you're honest with who you are, what you want, and being open to adapt.

I don't have a perfect guy in mind, and I definitely don't have a checklist. But, I do have self-love and expectations for myself to be happy. In the theme of honesty, I don't think I need a relationship to be happy. That doesn't mean I'm not open to one, I'm just not open to one with just anyone.

I don't want to tell anyone how to live their lives, especially not their love lives. I just want to explain that not being in a relationship, and choosing to not be in a relationship, is not something to be frowned upon. I don't think I'm better than you, I'm simply trying to figure out what's best for me.

I've had the same or been in a similar headspace about dating and relationships for a long time. I didn't see the point in dating in high school because it felt messy and awkward (coming from a small-town perspective). Then in college, no one seemed to want the same things as me. You could chalk this all up to me being picky or claiming "bad-timing," but it has never felt right.

Until I get that feeling, that indescribable sensation that someone has to be a part of my life, I'm okay with waiting. I don't want to make mistakes I've seen, I don't want to date around, and I definitely don't want to waste my time when I can't picture something going anywhere.

It may sound mean or vain or whatever, but I know I'm worth more than the options presented to me. College campuses and college towns now seem to be great for a type of dating and relationships that I'm not into. That's okay with me. I'll keep living my life and working toward my goals, and I hope whoever I end up with is doing the same thing too.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

8 Weird Things That Inevitably Happen After You’ve Been On Dating Apps For More Than, Like, 10 Months

Staring and swiping all day really does something to you.

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The world of Tinder and Bumble is a weird one.

You meet all kinds of people from all walks of life. Yet for some reason, every single person's hobbies consist of hiking and traveling.

From receiving creepy one-liners about cunnilingus to being constantly hounded to drop all your plans to meet a stranger, Tinder is a gold mine for article content.

1. You never actually meet up.

This is almost inevitable. You'll start talking to someone. It will either be great, weird, or most likely mediocre. You guys have some things in common (probably hiking and traveling) and someone is gonna bring up the possibility of meeting.

Usually one party is busy this week and an actual date never gets set. Or sometimes it is but is never fulfilled.

Neither of you are bad people, it just never happens. I'm not quite sure why this is but it's going to happen at least once. Or twice.

2. You hit Snapchat purgatory.

I am a firm believer that Snapchat is where Tinder flames go to die.

Of course, you might head down the avenue of explicit content that I don't need to present to my Facebook family audience, but more often than not you guys hit a dead end. Maybe you'll exchange a couple snaps for a day or two, but then it turns into crickets on both ends. Something about that little ghost does something to people!

Also, can we talk about how guys are always asking for selfies? I get catfishing is a thing, but if I'm spending the day on Tinder I probably haven't showered and I've just finished crying. Not the best foot forward.

3. You meet up once and then nothing ever happens again.

Okay these all sound depressing but it just happens. A date can go well from both sides and still nothing comes to fruition after. You can argue that it didn't go well enough which could be true, but I think part of the ghosting has to do with current dating culture.

Or it's just me. Yeah, it's probably me.

4. You have an arsenal of weird stories.

A pro to all these weird situations is that you now have a bunch of funny yet disturbing stories about creepy men. The perfect icebreakers for dates, new friends, and work events. It was absolutely horrifying in the moment, but boy can you look back and laugh now!

5. You already know them.

It's always so weird when you see someone you know on Tinder. Old classmates, friends, coworkers. What do you even do in that situation?

My rule of thumb is to reserve the super likes for your good friends so you can inevitably tease them later but also for the cute guys you never had the courage to talk to in person when you knew them. Just keep intentions of the super like clear.

6. You see them in class.

This is a weird one. Whether you matched while you had a class with them or they show up in your class a week later, it's still awkward. Maybe you get lucky and it's the push you need, but it can also just be downright uncomfortable. As Tinder goes, it's usually the latter.

7. Your friend has already been on a date with them.

Even more awkward than being forced to see them in class, is knowing your friend has probably already experienced the same thing. Does the rule of dibs apply? Insecurities and awkwardness can easily roll in.

Or you can both bond and laugh over how weird it was. That's better

8. You have the worst date ever.

Hey! At least you've got a new story!

But honestly exercise your best judgment, don't let any weirdos walk over you, and BE SAFE.

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I Asked 11 Independent Young Women All They Accomplished After Leaving A Toxic Relationship

"My grades have gotten better, my mental health has improved overall, and I'm just overall happier with my existence now that I'm in a healthy environment."

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We live in a culture that thinks that after a relationship ends, no matter how toxic and draining that relationship was, we need to be devastated. We clearly never loved the person if we don't experience heartbreak. However, I believe that isn't true. Sure, we are heartbroken by the love that didn't make it, but most of the time, leaving a toxic relationship is our saving grace.

I am so sick of watching strong, wonderful, beautiful young women allow a toxic relationship to hold them down. There is SO much more to life than feeling stuck with a partner that makes you feel like crap. You can truly thrive after leaving this relationship and you can accomplish everything you've always wanted and more.

I decided to highlight the stories of 11 strong young women and all that they've accomplished since ending their relationship. This goes to show that the heartbreak will not be your end — in fact, it will likely be your beginning.

1. Since I left this bad relationship, the self-love and accomplishments just keep growing.

"I stopped being nervous about leaving for school, I didn't worry about him pressuring me to do things I didn't want to, and going to school with that lack of worry allowed me to blossom. I've been on the Dean's list twice (round three coming in a few weeks), joined an organization that allows time to grow into a better leader, I volunteer with kids who need me, work with kids who appreciate me, and have made friends who support me. The positive effects of focusing on me just keep on coming." - Anon, 20

2. My dreams came true.

"After I got dumped by my ex, who was cheating on me with my best friend's roommate, I got accepted to my dream grad program and started a business." - Elizabeth, 22

3. I got myself in shape.

"After dating around in college, one guy hit me. I was so devastated that I allowed someone to do that to me that I decided to hit the gym so that way in case I needed to defend myself I could and I could feel good about my body!" - Sarah, 19

4. Now, I am myself.

"I was able to finally just breathe and be myself. I was always forced to do everything his way and please him so I never considered myself. I grew so much as an individual and became stronger because of it!" - Anon, 19

5. I found my passion.

"I got accepted into my school's honors college and discovered my hidden talent/passion for makeup." - Sara, 21

6. I'm in a healthy environment, and because of that, I am happy.

"I learned what toxic behaviors looked like in even the most subtle ways. I was able to learn what I really believed, which didn't really fit with what he believed, or even what my hometown as a whole believed. I became more empowered, believing in myself more and strengthening my voice and opinions. I was able to learn that I needed to treat myself better and hold others to the standard of treating me better, too. I've become more social since I'm no longer restricted from going out or hanging out with friends. I've grown to love my body more now that what I'm allowed to wear isn't dictated by someone else. My grades have gotten better, my mental health has improved overall, and I'm just overall happier with my existence now that I'm in a healthy environment." - Emily, 21

7. Since leaving my toxic relationship, I have...

"- changed my major

- gave up on pursuing a toxic ex-friendship

- got accepted to intern abroad

- turned 21

- met the one

- discovered my own self-worth" - Maria, 21

8. I'm loving every minute of my life now.

"A two-year relationship just ended a little over two months ago. The first few weeks I was a complete and utter disaster. I didn't really know what to do with myself. Now, I am working on school like I haven't before. I didn't let myself enjoy college in my relationship because he was constantly putting me down for coming to college. I am truly enjoying my college experiences especially academically. I have succeeded in so many things and have joined so many new organizations. I am so busy, but so happy and feel more like myself than I ever was in my relationship. I am not 100% better or healed, but that will take time. I am, however, learning so much about myself and loving every minute." - Caitlin, 20

9. I am now ready for the love I truly deserve.

"I learned so many things and it grew me tremendously as a person—but I think the most important things were that I began to see who truly loved me, I developed a higher sense of self-respect, I no longer had someone sucking the life out of me, I learned how to obtain closure and healing inwardly from myself, and I opened myself up to the possibility of gaining the type of love that I am worthy of." - Anna, 19

10. I'm thriving without them.

"At first I didn't want the communication to stop because the attempt at a relationship ultimately ruined a 5-year-friendship, but eventually I just got used to not having them in my life anymore. My mental health has really improved. That relationship was mentally and emotionally draining and wasn't necessarily productive or empowering. Since then I have really enjoyed not getting caught up in what others think of me and have really enjoyed focusing on myself rather than pleasing someone else. Months after not having any contact, they decided to request to follow me again even though they were the one originally wanting to cut all communication. I accepted it, but I've mentally decided not to reach out or make any communication they attempt to be short. I've realized I don't need them in my life and they didn't want the part of me I was offering months ago, so they don't deserve me now. They can watch me thrive and living my life, but they don't get to be a part of it." - Anon, 18

11. I learned so much from this experience, and for that, I'm thankful.

"I became my own person again, I learned how to be happy on my own, gained friends and confidence, overall, I lost a lot during my toxic 4-year relationship and am so appreciative of how I've matured and developed since then. I'm thankful as to how much I've learned from the experience and who I have become today." - Jennifer, 19

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