If I had a dollar for every time one of my friends broke up with their exes and then claimed that a midnight rendezvous at his house was "closure," I would be Jeffree Star type rich.
Exes are a dangerous game, and once you get looped into the "breakup bang," as I like to call it, it's like quitting a drug addiction.
Despite being an advocate for talking and working things out, I believe we should own up to our little selfish actions and call it for what it really is: an excuse to see the person you spent the last few months or years with. I get it, it's rough. You love that man.
But let's realize that maybe it isn't the best idea to see your ex a week after the breakup for a talk we all know is going to lead to sex.
I think talking is sometimes essential during a breakup and definitely could offer some healing properties for both parties, but when it's held at someone's house when no one else is home, it's time to take a look at the bigger picture. Let's start by discussing what the idea of closure actually is.
It means you'll be discussing the breakup at length to see where you went wrong and clear up any unresolved issues that may be haunting either of you. It also means there'll be some harsh things said and some hurtful realizations coming to light. It doesn't take a relationship expert to tell you that tensions are going to run high between you two during such an emotional talk like that. Who knows where those emotions will take you two?
With these emotions so intense, you might as well just jump into a fire with your ex. Although you say you won't end up underneath him, chances are you probably will if you're left alone for more than 10 minutes in a private setting. Think about it logically. You've dated this person and probably spent copious amounts of time with them.
It's easier to use a physical connection to feel something instead of actually talking it out and learning things about their mindset you don't want to actually know. Also, all of the physical attraction is obviously still very prevalent, so there's no point in denying that you'll be attracted to them.
In only a matter of minutes, you'll be texting your group chats to say "Omg, how is he still so gorgeous?"
If you really want to sleep with your ex, just be clear with your intentions and send a "You up?" text at 2 a.m.
This is not to say that you can't have a healthy conversation with them at all, but it certainly should not be while the breakup is still so fresh. You need to clear your own mind and think about what's actually necessary for you to move on because you might find that closure won't even help you at all.
Many of my friends have cut off their exes and just gave themselves their own closure, knowing it just would never work out in the end.
However, if you were to go about having a closure talk with your ex, there are many healthy ways to do it that can benefit both parties. It should be in a public setting, where you two can be able to talk, preferably a cafe or a park. You should probably come prepared with questions and things you want to say so that you don't forget.
You definitely want to get everything out, and if you forget to say something, you might feel an itching desire to reach out again later on. Lastly, be ready to feel some emotions, or maybe not. You might find yourself a bit overwhelmed, or maybe even that you feel ready to hash out the details of your relationship.
Whatever it is, accept your partner's emotions as well because everyone feels pain differently, and it's okay if they show more emotion than you do or none at all. You are in charge of your mindset, so give yourself the time to feel sad after such talk like this. After all, you just wrapped up all loose ends with your old lover, and you might never see them again.
Regardless, this should go no further than a cup of coffee and words.
This 2019, let's take the opportunity to move on from our past, instead of lay next to it at night when you know you shouldn't.