Seeing Your Ex Won't Bring You The Closure You Need

Seeing Your Ex Won't Bring You The Closure You Need

Ladies, it's 2019: it's time to stop using closure as an excuse to see your ex.

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If I had a dollar for every time one of my friends broke up with their exes and then claimed that a midnight rendezvous at his house was "closure," I would be Jeffree Star type rich.

Exes are a dangerous game, and once you get looped into the "breakup bang," as I like to call it, it's like quitting a drug addiction.

Despite being an advocate for talking and working things out, I believe we should own up to our little selfish actions and call it for what it really is: an excuse to see the person you spent the last few months or years with. I get it, it's rough. You love that man.

Correction—loved.

But let's realize that maybe it isn't the best idea to see your ex a week after the breakup for a talk we all know is going to lead to sex.

I think talking is sometimes essential during a breakup and definitely could offer some healing properties for both parties, but when it's held at someone's house when no one else is home, it's time to take a look at the bigger picture. Let's start by discussing what the idea of closure actually is.

It means you'll be discussing the breakup at length to see where you went wrong and clear up any unresolved issues that may be haunting either of you. It also means there'll be some harsh things said and some hurtful realizations coming to light. It doesn't take a relationship expert to tell you that tensions are going to run high between you two during such an emotional talk like that. Who knows where those emotions will take you two?

With these emotions so intense, you might as well just jump into a fire with your ex. Although you say you won't end up underneath him, chances are you probably will if you're left alone for more than 10 minutes in a private setting. Think about it logically. You've dated this person and probably spent copious amounts of time with them.

It's easier to use a physical connection to feel something instead of actually talking it out and learning things about their mindset you don't want to actually know. Also, all of the physical attraction is obviously still very prevalent, so there's no point in denying that you'll be attracted to them.

In only a matter of minutes, you'll be texting your group chats to say "Omg, how is he still so gorgeous?"

If you really want to sleep with your ex, just be clear with your intentions and send a "You up?" text at 2 a.m.

This is not to say that you can't have a healthy conversation with them at all, but it certainly should not be while the breakup is still so fresh. You need to clear your own mind and think about what's actually necessary for you to move on because you might find that closure won't even help you at all.

Many of my friends have cut off their exes and just gave themselves their own closure, knowing it just would never work out in the end.

However, if you were to go about having a closure talk with your ex, there are many healthy ways to do it that can benefit both parties. It should be in a public setting, where you two can be able to talk, preferably a cafe or a park. You should probably come prepared with questions and things you want to say so that you don't forget.

You definitely want to get everything out, and if you forget to say something, you might feel an itching desire to reach out again later on. Lastly, be ready to feel some emotions, or maybe not. You might find yourself a bit overwhelmed, or maybe even that you feel ready to hash out the details of your relationship.

Whatever it is, accept your partner's emotions as well because everyone feels pain differently, and it's okay if they show more emotion than you do or none at all. You are in charge of your mindset, so give yourself the time to feel sad after such talk like this. After all, you just wrapped up all loose ends with your old lover, and you might never see them again.

Regardless, this should go no further than a cup of coffee and words.

This 2019, let's take the opportunity to move on from our past, instead of lay next to it at night when you know you shouldn't.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

10 Soulful Luke Combs Lyrics To Get You Through That Bad Breakup

Breakups are tough, but Luke Combs is here to help.

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Breakups are very hard to deal with, whether you ended the relationship or your significant other did. The clock on the wall will cure it all and so will Luke Combs, so here's 10 lyrics to do exactly that:

1. "But the clock on the wall will cure it all, even though that ain't how it seems"

2. "You wrecked my world when you came and hit me like a hurricane"

3. "Whoever said it ain't the end of the world and you'll find somebody new, must've never met you"

4. "I picked myself up off the floor and found something new worth living for"

5. "Don't know what you got 'till it's gone, and you're out on your own. All you want is what you can't get back"

6. "And I ain't gotta see my ex future mother-in-law anymore. Oh lord, when it rains it pours"

7. "I'm one number away from calling you. I said I was through, but I'm dying inside"

8. "The second I left, I was kicking myself cause I knew I should've stayed."

9. "I didn't know then, but I sure know now that long neck iced cold beer never broke my heart"

10. "There's a lot of things in this 'ole world I can stand, but when it comes to losing you I just can't"

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4 Reasons I Will NEVER Get Back Together With Any Of My Ex-Boyfriends

It's your loss babe, not mine.

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For being so young I have gone through so much unfair and unnecessary pain because I tried to find love too quick. I have not had one relationship end on good terms and I wish I could say it was all their fault, but I cannot help but to believe there must be something I am doing wrong.

In this generation, people say "I love you" too fast and goodbye too soon. We millennials put all our passion in the beginning of things, forgetting there are greater ends to be discovered. My soul has beaten down, broken, and lost to multiple men that I believed had true intentions. Even though I have never had a good relationship, to be extremely honest, if I knew when I was younger who would break my heart I would never try to change it.

Somedays, like the day I am writing this on, I feel empty and lost because of the suffering that I have experienced and I feel as though I will never be good enough and never find complete happiness. On other days I rejoice because the men that have broken my heart have humbled me. I am loathsome and grateful for them and my experiences with them all at the same time.

Although there are saddening times and certain things that I miss about my exes I will never get back together with any of them for four reasons.

1. Immaturity.

I started dating when I was 13. My first real boyfriend, and what I thought at the time to be first my first real love, broke up with me through text on New Year's Eve. My 13-year-old self was devastated and thought my entire world was ending. Clearly, that is an experience I remember and tell because the kids in middle school and junior high really believe that they are with their forever person, but they have a huge awakening because immaturity does not go well with relationships.

2. Cheating.

Getting cheated on broke my entire image of myself and I couldn't find one good quality about myself because I truly believed that if there was one that he would not have done it. I was wrong, and I wish the day that I found out he had cheated on me that I would not have begged for him to stay with me. After choosing another girl over me I should have realized he is and never will be the truly good man I need and he does not deserve the woman I am.

3. We changed.

I'm not completely the same person I was three months again, let alone 2 years again, and honestly, neither is he. Growing apart is not a bad thing, it is something that just happens naturally. Years later, when we speak, I may not laugh at the same jokes anymore and I may not smile at the same things that I did when I was 16. We both have been with other people and have seen and done new things, there is nothing wrong with that. It is just simply moving on. As Sam Waterson said, "If you're not moving forward, you're falling back." I chose to move forward with my life over falling back into my toxic relationships and for that, I have changed into someone I love and someone they will never have again.

4. You let me down.

I have two expectations of men when it comes to dating, to be loyal and to be loving. A relationship is nothing without trust and giving the same energy back that you put in. That is completely what all my past relationships have lacked. My exes have let me down because they could not fill my expectations that should be what is in any normal, healthy relationship. In today's world, everyone has commitment issues and not many people know how to let themselves just fall. That is devastating for the people that do because they, like myself, get hurt and are made to feel it's their fault.

To everyone I've dated or talked to, thank you for breaking my heart and showing me that you are exactly what I do not need in my life.

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