Seeing Your Ex Won't Bring You The Closure You Need

Seeing Your Ex Won't Bring You The Closure You Need

Ladies, it's 2019: it's time to stop using closure as an excuse to see your ex.

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If I had a dollar for every time one of my friends broke up with their exes and then claimed that a midnight rendezvous at his house was "closure," I would be Jeffree Star type rich.

Exes are a dangerous game, and once you get looped into the "breakup bang," as I like to call it, it's like quitting a drug addiction.

Despite being an advocate for talking and working things out, I believe we should own up to our little selfish actions and call it for what it really is: an excuse to see the person you spent the last few months or years with. I get it, it's rough. You love that man.

Correction—loved.

But let's realize that maybe it isn't the best idea to see your ex a week after the breakup for a talk we all know is going to lead to sex.

I think talking is sometimes essential during a breakup and definitely could offer some healing properties for both parties, but when it's held at someone's house when no one else is home, it's time to take a look at the bigger picture. Let's start by discussing what the idea of closure actually is.

It means you'll be discussing the breakup at length to see where you went wrong and clear up any unresolved issues that may be haunting either of you. It also means there'll be some harsh things said and some hurtful realizations coming to light. It doesn't take a relationship expert to tell you that tensions are going to run high between you two during such an emotional talk like that. Who knows where those emotions will take you two?

With these emotions so intense, you might as well just jump into a fire with your ex. Although you say you won't end up underneath him, chances are you probably will if you're left alone for more than 10 minutes in a private setting. Think about it logically. You've dated this person and probably spent copious amounts of time with them.

It's easier to use a physical connection to feel something instead of actually talking it out and learning things about their mindset you don't want to actually know. Also, all of the physical attraction is obviously still very prevalent, so there's no point in denying that you'll be attracted to them.

In only a matter of minutes, you'll be texting your group chats to say "Omg, how is he still so gorgeous?"

If you really want to sleep with your ex, just be clear with your intentions and send a "You up?" text at 2 a.m.

This is not to say that you can't have a healthy conversation with them at all, but it certainly should not be while the breakup is still so fresh. You need to clear your own mind and think about what's actually necessary for you to move on because you might find that closure won't even help you at all.

Many of my friends have cut off their exes and just gave themselves their own closure, knowing it just would never work out in the end.

However, if you were to go about having a closure talk with your ex, there are many healthy ways to do it that can benefit both parties. It should be in a public setting, where you two can be able to talk, preferably a cafe or a park. You should probably come prepared with questions and things you want to say so that you don't forget.

You definitely want to get everything out, and if you forget to say something, you might feel an itching desire to reach out again later on. Lastly, be ready to feel some emotions, or maybe not. You might find yourself a bit overwhelmed, or maybe even that you feel ready to hash out the details of your relationship.

Whatever it is, accept your partner's emotions as well because everyone feels pain differently, and it's okay if they show more emotion than you do or none at all. You are in charge of your mindset, so give yourself the time to feel sad after such talk like this. After all, you just wrapped up all loose ends with your old lover, and you might never see them again.

Regardless, this should go no further than a cup of coffee and words.

This 2019, let's take the opportunity to move on from our past, instead of lay next to it at night when you know you shouldn't.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

To My Best Friend Dealing With A Broken Heart, We'll Get Through This Together

I can't actually fill that void.

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To my best friend dealing with a broken heart,

It won't last forever.

Your heart, scratch that—you—will heal. You're already strong, but you'll become tougher. You're already smart, but you'll become wiser. You're already sexy, but you'll become even more irresistible.

And I'll be here the entire time. I can't wait to see who you become.

It won't be easy. I'm not going to sugar coat it and say that you'll be smiling and confidently strutting the streets by tomorrow. You have everything you need, but if your heart needs some time, take it. There's no rulebook. Honestly, I don't know how I got out of my rut, but I did and now I'm here. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I cried on end, but my support group–you–helped me through it one day at a time. Don't stress about what other people think—even me, forget my thoughts! Focus on you. What does your body need? What does your soul need?

I'm sorry. I wish I could take away this pain.

There's nothing that can compare to this feeling and I know I can't actually fill that void—no one can, other than you.

You never think it'll happen to you.

You had the future planned out. You shared your deepest darkest secrets. You both shared, I love you's and genuinely meant it. Of course, there were happy times. It was all real. I won't bash your ex unless you need me to (personally, I cringe anytime someone speaks badly of my ex... at the end of the day, I loved that man) but, just know, you did everything you could.

It wasn't meant to be and, one day, you will find your happily ever after. That love will be greater than anything you can ever imagine.

I'm not going to sit here and let you mope. The memories will never fade, but at this moment, forget about the past and the future, only the now. If you are angry, punch a wall, but steer away from feeling regret. Nothing in life is worth regretting over. It is all lessons-learned and adventures to remember later on.

This will pass and you will laugh about it. When I heard that for the first time, I wanted to scream, I could never laugh at the situation, but here I am now. You lost someone and that's never easy, but you've also gained so much experience.

You are gorgeous and breathtaking, you better start believing it because anyone would be so lucky to have you in their life.

Today, you start loving yourself.

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I Chose My College Because Of My Then-Boyfriend—We Broke Up, And Somehow I Have No Regrets

I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

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When you graduate high school while in a relationship, things can get a little tricky. If you're not from a college town or if you don't plan on attending the one near you, you're faced with some pretty big questions.

Is the relationship worth it? Can we do the whole "long distance" thing? How will it work?

Three years ago, I faced these questions with some uncertainty. My plan had always been to go out-of-state for college, to attend the big university of my dreams. I had applied there, and I even got accepted to enroll. It was a pretty big deal to me to achieve even a fraction of what I had dreamed of for so many years.

However, I had a boyfriend. It was a pretty serious one, since we'd been together for a couple years before I graduated high school. He was older, already in college. He came home pretty often since the college he attended wasn't horribly far from our hometown and we made it work.

When I got accepted to that far away college, things got uncomfortable. It was pretty obvious that he didn't want me to go there and wasn't a big fan of the thought of being a long distance couple. So, I compromised. I chose to apply to a college just under an hour away from our hometown, similar to what he did, so that we could continue to date. We were serious about each other, so I figured it was a sacrifice I could make for the long run. I wanted to make him happier by staying close by.

That didn't really work, though. Our personalities were painfully different, but this was only really highlighted in a negative way when I moved away. I was outgoing, involved, and loved to make friends. He was pretty much the opposite, and being older than me, he wasn't very interested in doing the things I wanted to do. He would come up to visit, but never wanted to interact with any of my friends or really do anything exciting at all besides sit in my dorm.

For the first two or so years that I was in college, we fought constantly. I didn't come home enough, I was too busy, and I was friends with people he wasn't fond of. I had a job, I was in a sorority, and I was involved in several other clubs, so my time was spread pretty thin. On the weekends, I would go out to parties totally sober for my friends but I'd get yelled at for being there at all. All of my actions were policed as if he was a father instead of a boyfriend. I was miserable.

I was afraid to talk about it publicly, but my friends knew how miserable I was and that the love had been gone for a long time. I was stuck at this university that I didn't really care about, that was too close to home for me to really feel like I had even left the nest at all.

After nearly two years of misery, I finally left that relationship. It pissed a lot of people off, especially the people back home who were friends with both of us. But they didn't know everything, just one side. That's OK, though. I really didn't care, because I was finally taking my life back.

I may have chosen to attend my university because it was closer to a boyfriend back home, but I love it even more now than when I started. I was able to become involved in campus activities and organizations without feeling guilty anymore. I was able to hang out with friends without being yelled at and tracked like a dog. I was able to enter a new relationship that was healthy, loving, and bettered my mental well-being instead of hurting it.

I've been able to fall in love with my campus all over again. It may be close to home and people I don't really care about anymore, but if I had gone out-of-state or anywhere else, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I wouldn't be in my sorority, or in my current relationship. I wouldn't be the best version of myself that I've seen to date. I wouldn't be this strong woman who finally learned her worth.

I used to regret my decision to attend the college that I do, but I don't anymore. It's my home, and no one can take that away from me. Thanks to my university, I've been given opportunities to grow as a leader, as a student, and as a person. I'm not the person I was in high school three years ago, that's for damn sure, and I couldn't be happier about that.

I don't necessarily think everything happens for a reason, but I do think that choosing the college that I did was a pivotal moment in my life. My high school relationship might not have worked out, and sure, college was a factor, but I'm glad that it didn't. My life is mine now, and so is my college experience.

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