Why is it that marriage stays out of the radar of the modern relationship until the guy puts a ring on it? If a couple is made up of two individuals, why is it that one single party is the designated "Marriage Officiator" via the proposal? Ladies, if you love the guy you're dating, then you should talk about marriage right now.

This isn't about ruining the surprise of the proposal. This is simply about preparing your heart for marriage by giving you access to information that every dating couple should share.

What is his preferred timeline for marriage? Does he even want to get married? Does he want to get married in a church? Does his idea of marriage include a huge wedding or a city hall ceremony? And how do your expectations align with his? Gee, if only there was some way to know all of this before the ring shows up out of nowhere and flusters you into answering "yes" based on an emotional reaction...

But wait! There is a way! It's called making marriage a fair topic of conversation in the modern dating scene. It's called getting rid of this idea that a couple isn't fiancé

and fiancée

until the guy decides he's finally ready to commit. It's called giving the girl a say in the engagement process. It's a relationship courtesy, and both parties should want it.

Sure, it's fun and exciting when the guy gets down on one knee and spills his guts to you about how much he loves you. But guess what? If you never talk about when you want to get married to your partner, there's a good chance you'll miss your preferred window of time because he or she hasn't shopped for rings or asked your parents for permission yet. There's also a good chance you'll have a hard time making joint decisions as a couple (later on) if you let one person call the shots on one of life's most monumental decisions now.

Think of it like this. You have a best friend you love to see hang out with. You wait around for 1-3 years, expecting them to invite you to see a movie or go to dinner this entire time. But you never feel like you can ask them about going out together since you don't want to be seen as annoying or pushy.

By the time they finally invite you to go somewhere with them, you're excited but also kind of disappointed that they never talked to you about your preferences. Everything seemed to happen because of their schedule and timeline. It's kind of hurtful. You might have had awesome ideas about where to go and what to do!

Basically, we need to give both individuals a chance to talk about marriage before the proposal happens. It's just smart thinking, and it's also much more inclusive this way. By the time my fiancé

proposed to me, we had already reserved our wedding venue. It was a great experience to start planning the wedding with him, even before the proposal! And when he did propose, I didn't feel like I had ruined the experience at all.

So please, do yourself a favor and make marriage a fair topic of conversation in your dating relationship. I promise you that you won't regret it.