Why Unrequited Love Should Not Be Romanticized

Why Unrequited Love Should Not Be Romanticized

Loving someone who doesn't love you back isn't beautiful.
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Unrequited love. We see it everywhere. Books, songs, movies, TV shows, poems, friends, ourselves -- you get the point.

Most of the time, the story usually plays out as someone liking someone who doesn't like them back and victimizes themselves. And yet, somehow, we find that "beautiful."

Throughout our lives, the media has been feeding us these ideas that unrequited love is this great skill of being able to love someone who doesn't love you back.

And while that may be arguably true, it just isn't healthy to have that kind of skill.

I'd like to state that if a person is just not into you, that doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. Just like there is nothing wrong with them.

It's no one's fault, really.

Sometimes, in movies, the unrequited love blossoms into a relationship, but that isn't the case most of the time in real life. We have to understand how to separate fantasy and reality.

Life isn't a movie.

We have to understand that if someone doesn't like us, then maybe they aren't worth pining over.

If someone doesn't like you back? That should be a turn-off. It should NOT make you like the person even more. Because as a human being, you deserve to be loved/loved back. Pining and yearning for them just isn't that fun when they aren't doing the same for you.

Society has been brewing this idea that pain is beautiful. And for some reason, whenever I have an assignment to read or watch a film about unrequited love, students say that it's romantic or beautiful.

But pain isn't beautiful.

Pain is pain.

Pain is ugly.

Pain is terrible.

It upsets me when people confuse love as being painful. And while love sometimes comes with pain -- love, itself, is not pain.

Love is love.

It is blissfulness.

It is joy.

It is warmth.

I understand that unrequited love is a real thing. And I am not saying that it shouldn't exist. I just think that we should stop romanticizing it as a greater love than when two people share love. Or when one loves themselves. Requited love.

So I end this article with some thoughts/advice: Understand your worth. And learn what love is. It starts with the inner-self, and the rest will come along. Rejection may happen. Unrequited love may happen. Love is not pain. And pain is not love. They sometimes go hand in hand, but are not the same thing. It's time that the world (mostly the media) to stop romanticizing unrequited love as this beautiful concept.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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It Took Me Months To Admit I Had Been Ghosted, But Now That I Have, I Feel Better For It

It's something that connects all women together.
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I was talking to a guy that I met on Tinder. It’s the typical story. We met up and dated for a while. I thought we had so much in common but we were different enough to really work. We texted all day. He called me when he needed me, just as I requested. I love feeling needed and special and I did with him. Everything was great and I was comfortable.

He warned me that he would become a lot busier and that he wouldn’t be available as much. I was okay with that and was willing to wait. Separation never bothered me. I would be able to make it work. After all, I had been single for so long and that was annoying, so anything would be better than that.

He did get busy and I couldn’t be mad; I knew it was coming. It wasn't ideal but it was totally fine and nothing felt wrong about it. We texted, called and did what we could, with short little meetups here and there.

That was until he never responded at all and left me wondering what happened.

I was patient, which is not something I’m typically good at. In the back of my mind, I had a creeping suspicion that I was being ghosted, which, for me, was new. I hadn’t ever put myself out there enough to reach that point. My heart is something I hold very close.

I had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that he ghosted me. It wasn’t like my pride was crushed, I’m not a prideful person. It was just such a foreign feeling to me. I knew he was busy, so I figured that was the problem.

It had been days of me saying to my friends, “He’ll respond." Days turned into weeks and the denial went away. He wasn’t going to and I was ghosted. I knew it in my heart, but something was preventing me from saying it aloud. I finally said the words I was afraid of and I felt so much better.

SEE ALSO: Ghosting Is Emotional Abuse And Our Generation Needs To Stop Doing It

Being ghosted sucks, there's no denying that. However, saying it aloud makes it official and it's refreshing to be able to identify with something so many girls I know have talked about. It's like when someone says they want their heart broken so that they know how to compare it to everything else. I never understood that until now.

It happens to all of us.

Honestly, being ghosted may be one of the things that connects all women together. There’s nothing wrong with us. There’s no flaw in the female system that makes us unable to be responded to.

It’s natural and it will keep happening until one day it just doesn’t.

Cover Image Credit: 123rf

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'Haunting' Is The New Heartless Dating Trend That's Even Worse Than 'Ghosting'

If you've ever been ghosted, don't worry, it gets worse.
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We've all heard of ghosting. In fact, you're probably guilty of doing it. The act of "ghosting," or withdrawing communication with someone as a means to end a personal relationship, (thanks, Merriam-Webster) has become normalized in the age of hookup culture.

I'll admit it, I've done it before. Sometimes the chemistry just isn't there, and there's no need for long paragraphs explaining why. It's more convenient, especially if the relationship was casual. As long as things weren't too serious, no harm was done, right?

Well, if you've been personally victimized by being ghosted, it gets worse. And there's an official name for it: Haunting.

Haunting is like ghosting, but the person doesn't completely cut off contact.

This is that person who won't open your Snapchats and will ignore your texts, but they'll occasionally like one of your posts on Instagram or fave your tweets. This person doesn't want to be with you, but they want you to know they're still lurking just in case they change their mind.

Haunting is objectively worse than ghosting. With ghosting, all contact is cut off. They unfollow you on all social media platforms and may have gone as far as blocking your number. The message is received. When someone is haunting you, that message is not so clear.

The "haunter" (the person doing the haunting) is sending mixed signals which often ends up hurting the "haunted" (the person being haunted) more than ghosting would. Do they want to just be friends? Is there something I could do to make them want to come back?

Haunting is more likely to happen if the relationship was more serious. This isn't someone you hooked up with once and don't intend to see again. You can be haunted by friends and exes, which always hurts more.

As awful as haunting is, there is a clear solution to this problem: say something. It never hurts to ask, "What are we?" If you want to just be friends, say so. If the timing isn't working out, let me know. Be clear about your intentions.

If you don't get a real answer to your questions, or you feel this person is doing this to manipulate you, do the ghosting yourself. Like smudging a house with sage hit the block button on all of your platforms.

Take away this individuals ability to lurk and take back the control.

Social media has made dating way messier than it used to be, but it doesn't have to be this way. Don't keep your feelings to yourself. Trust me, it'll feel way better to have answers. And if they won't give you an answer, they aren't worth any more of your time.

This has been a PSA.

Cover Image Credit: Tony Lam Hoang

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