I can classify myself as one of the very few people who hates planning for her future. I completed all of my college applications in December, the week before the deadlines because I was so scared to make the wrong decision, and I stopped planning my "future wedding" and my "future home" on Pinterest because it stressed me out to even think about how I was going to get that far. I even hate the "year at a glance" section in my planner and talking about things farther than 5 months away. It terrifies me. It makes me feel as if I need to live each day trying to predict the future from my actions, instead of living in the moment, which is such a stressful way to live.
I think a lot of people are like me too. Scared. Scared to fail, scared to disappoint the people around them, scared of responsibility, scared of consequences, scared to do better than somebody else, and ultimately scared of not knowing what will happen next.
As much as a person might come across as "having it all together" with a planned out future, they don't. It isn't realistic. Life is a rollercoaster is full of ups and downs, and sometimes it has to be closed for repairs. We face surprise obstacles and challenges and situations that change an outcome so fast, and there is nothing we can do to make sure everything goes our way. Accepting that we, as humans, don't have the power to change every little that gets in our way is a good start of trying to live graciously in the now.
This past July, I had the worst birthday yet. Not because anything in particular happened, but the sheer and utter truth that by turning 19, I only had one more year to be a teenager. I realized that I had one more year until I technically needed to figure out where exactly my life was going.
But the truth that I faced is that we never really need to know exactly where we are going, no matter how disorganized and scary it might sound. It just isn't possible.
We have to accept that we don't need to be scared of the unknown. Just letting it happen and letting it be is all that we can really do. What's the fun of having everything planned out with no room for spontaneity?
It's important to take each moment as it comes with a grateful heart and add it to the multitudes of experiences that have shaped you into you are, no matter what it is. The future will come as it does and all we can do is trust in His plan and be fully alive in what is happening right now.
One of my most favorite quotes regarding this concept of living in the now comes from my boy Ernest Hemingway and is so inspiring:
"Try to learn to breathe deeply, really to taste food when you eat, and when you sleep, really try to sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell. And when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough."