Why I Stopped Planning My Wedding On Pinterest

Why I Stopped Planning My Wedding On Pinterest

Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might.

I can classify myself as one of the very few people who hates planning for her future. I completed all of my college applications in December, the week before the deadlines because I was so scared to make the wrong decision, and I stopped planning my "future wedding" and my "future home" on Pinterest because it stressed me out to even think about how I was going to get that far. I even hate the "year at a glance" section in my planner and talking about things farther than 5 months away. It terrifies me. It makes me feel as if I need to live each day trying to predict the future from my actions, instead of living in the moment, which is such a stressful way to live.

I think a lot of people are like me too. Scared. Scared to fail, scared to disappoint the people around them, scared of responsibility, scared of consequences, scared to do better than somebody else, and ultimately scared of not knowing what will happen next.

As much as a person might come across as "having it all together" with a planned out future, they don't. It isn't realistic. Life is a rollercoaster is full of ups and downs, and sometimes it has to be closed for repairs. We face surprise obstacles and challenges and situations that change an outcome so fast, and there is nothing we can do to make sure everything goes our way. Accepting that we, as humans, don't have the power to change every little that gets in our way is a good start of trying to live graciously in the now.

This past July, I had the worst birthday yet. Not because anything in particular happened, but the sheer and utter truth that by turning 19, I only had one more year to be a teenager. I realized that I had one more year until I technically needed to figure out where exactly my life was going.

But the truth that I faced is that we never really need to know exactly where we are going, no matter how disorganized and scary it might sound. It just isn't possible.

We have to accept that we don't need to be scared of the unknown. Just letting it happen and letting it be is all that we can really do. What's the fun of having everything planned out with no room for spontaneity?

It's important to take each moment as it comes with a grateful heart and add it to the multitudes of experiences that have shaped you into you are, no matter what it is. The future will come as it does and all we can do is trust in His plan and be fully alive in what is happening right now.

One of my most favorite quotes regarding this concept of living in the now comes from my boy Ernest Hemingway and is so inspiring:

"Try to learn to breathe deeply, really to taste food when you eat, and when you sleep, really try to sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell. And when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough."

Cover Image Credit: Laura Moxley

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I Don't Want To Get Married, But I Want To Have A Wedding

You feel me?

So, I'm 19, and the last thing on my mind is finding someone who wants to fall in love and spend the rest of their life together with me. Like, to be honest, I'm hella busy all the time and don't know when I'll stop being busy. I don't know if I'll ever have time to get married.

But, I do want to have a wedding.

I want to go dress shopping and search dozens of stores until I find the perfect dress with perfect colors and perfect embroidery and beg my parents to buy it for me because it's perfectly expensive.

I want to choose colors for the napkins and create extra AF centerpieces.

I want all of my family and friends to be around me and give me gifts and wish the best for me through my exciting life change (and there's absolutely no excuse to flake on my wedding day.)

I want small children to throw flowers at me, dance for me, and bow down to me because I am the ultimate fairy queen overlord of pureness at this event.

I want to pretend like I'm the main character in a K-Drama and I'm finally marrying the man I love instead of the rich man that my mom wants me to marry.

I want to wear my fancy ring and flaunt it at the reception.

But...I don't want to get married.

Cover Image Credit: @theknot

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My Husband Didn't Sweep Me Off My Feet, Instead He Offered Me A Safe Place To Plant Them

As Valentine's Day approaches many of us are excited, some are sad and others confused.

My husband has put up with me stealing the covers for nine years. This doesn’t exactly merit his ordination into sainthood, but I do think it deserves a standing ovation. Before I was married I went through a series of bad relationships. Really bad relationships that would make an awesome reality show. In my sillier moments, I like to refer to these relationships as the loser, the thug, and the clinger. Nearly a decade later, I sometimes still feel foolish for being a part of these relationships, yet I never regret them.

It took years to understand that without those bad relationships, I would never have recognized a good one. When Kevin (my husband) entered my life, so did a great friendship that was full of the communication my past relationships lacked. Our friendship didn’t consist of borders or games. We were one hundred percent open and honest with each other.

We were two individuals lacking in the posturing so many people portray during courtship. I never wondered why he didn’t call or text me- I simply asked and he answered. We didn’t flirt around missing each other; he was my friend and I was his-we simply told each other.

Heather: “Hey, I kind of miss you today.”

Kevin: “Of course you do, I’m awesome.”

Heather: “You’re tolerable, come over.”

Kevin (snorts): “You like me.”

Without the games, posturing, and borders (walls we put up to avoid getting hurt), we became best friends and love inevitably blossomed.

Now, I won’t have you believe we had the perfect relationship, or it lacked in drama because sadly, that’s not true. Our relationship was filled with its problems, especially in the beginning with both of us leaving long-term relationships. We both had people trying to pull us in opposite directions. But there was one simple thing that held us together during every rough patch-each other.

My husband didn’t sweep me off my feet, instead he offered me a safe place to plant them.

The harder people tried to pull us apart, the harder we held on to each other. Practically ten years later, I still can’t imagine my life without my him.

As a married woman, sometimes it’s a bit exasperating to see the struggles of single people. Again, Kevin and I do not have the perfect relationship. Truth be told yesterday we were mad at each other (I was right and he was wrong). I’m also not a professional relationship counselor, but sometimes seeing a situation from the outside makes it easier to identify the flaws of execution. Need me to break it down plainer? Okay here it goes: I see what you’re doing wrong and honey child you need help.

Instead of making a detailed analysis for you to pour over, I’ll leave a list of do’s and don’ts for the initial stage of the relationship or the “talking” stage.

DO:

DO be honest and upfront about what you want

DO drop barriers (no one can love someone that’s trapped behind baggage)

DO get to know the man/women (not gossip)

DO bring him/her to your family (they can spot a loser a mile off)

DO follow your heart but listen to your mind (sometimes we talk ourselves out of awesome things and sometimes we save ourselves from bad situations – be smart and make decisions you can live with)

DO know your self-worth (You’ll get out what you put out. If you put out as a side chick, you’ll never be anything other than a side chick, not a wife, not a friend just someone’s secret.)

DON’T:

Don’t pretend to be anything other than what you are. (How can someone love a fake you?)

Don’t MOVE THE PERSON IN (ladies, he’s not homeless, you’re insane – stop falling for this)

Don’t get mad if you can’t meet their kids after date 3 (there is NO magic number as to when a person is comfortable with you meeting their kids. Fall back and stay in line, people are crazy nowadays, if a mom/dad is cautious they have a right to be.)

Don’t listen to the person’s exes (they’re either salty, jealous, or genuine and unfortunately unless you are genuine friends with an ex you can’t always trust their opinion)

Don’t listen to the advice of memes (these are funny, not factual)

Each bit of advice I give is based on relationships and struggles I’ve observed over the years. No advice is given with the intent of hurting feelings or crushing expectations. All advice is given out of love and the hopes you find your happily ever after. Most days I think I found mine, but he may say something different, after all, I do hog the covers.

Cover Image Credit: Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

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